From the Jack Rabbit News Service
Dated Tuesday February 13
Bush denies being an alcoholic liar
By Jack Rabbit
Washington -- President (sic) George W. Bush today responded to charges by the second ranking officer of the al Qaida terror network, Ayman al-Zawahiri, that he is "an alcoholic, liar and gambler".
"Perhaps I'll put two dollars down in a World Series pool in October," said Mr. Bush, "but I haven't had a drink in twenty years." Mr. Bush looked angrily at reporters and said, "I am not a alcoholic liar." He then raised both hands in a "V for victory" gesture as if possessed by the ghost of Richard Nixon.
Assembled reporters then kowtowed to Mr. Bush, chanting "We believe you, O master of the globe" three times in unison as armed guards from Blackwater USA stood ready behind television cameras.
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