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[politicaholic]

Bush's 2008 Stimulus Package: Pros & Cons


"I got your stimulus
package right here!"

The U.S. market and businesses are afraid of the "R" word. And just when we thought "Romorehugeprofits" wasn't a word, the president finds a way to make a recession profitable for normal americans (Note: "normal americans" make an income of $150,000 per year or more, the rest are immigrants that happened to be born in the U.S. who should really just go back to Huddled-masses-istan where they belong). He proposes deep tax cuts for small business. This will give these businesses an incentive to hire new people...in theory. A theory that has been disproved as of the Reagan era, which kind of makes it a non-theory, but scientific method aside, lets look at the pros and cons of this stimulus package:

Pro- The business will show more profits through lower taxes. With this, the owners and investors of said business will be able to buy your foreclosed house at rock bottom prices.

Con- Your family gets so much closer by living in a cramped apartment. See? They stimulate the economy AND promote family values. No cons here!

Pro- $145 billion is too much money to do the job of warding off recession, so this is a great opportunity to divert some of the money to places that really need it such as the Iraq War and to help thwart Iran's Massive Nuclear Warhead Program (proof pending).

Con- You don't get your house back and you're living in your car, but you get the opportunity to explore culinary possibilities such as: http://www.wisebread.com/cooking-great-meals-with-your-car-engine-the-heat-is-on Con? I don't think so.

Pro- The stimulus package increases the deficit, which helps America. How? Well, Bush could explain it to you in plain english that everyone could understand using small words, hand gestures, pops, clicks, and a well placed series of grunts, but what's the point? If you could possibly understand then you would already be rich...and not a liberal.

Con- I'm sure you've heard the term, "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, but teach a man a fish and he will eat for a lifetime." Well, the government is giving your employer a fish, go ask them for a piece of it. Oh...that would be considered a cost of living increase and Jack in the Box's $.99 value menu hasn't gone up, so since that's a clear indicator that the cost of living hasn't gone up, go find your own damn fish.


This is the Stimulator.
Bush requests that you wear
one until 1/9/09. Thank you.

Obviously we just haven't given Reaganomics enough of a chance! Okay, I'm going to say it...Bill Bernanke, head of the Federal Reserve, is horribly spineless and ineffective at his job. It could be because the only reason he's Fed Chair is that he's willing to ignore the massive mathematic holes in Supply Side Economics and is reeeeally really good at nodding. Or it could be because he's still figuring out how to use the little calculator on his computer. Bill, if you're reading this, click your Start menu on the bottom left of your screen, then click...nevermind, just call me i'll walk you through it.

Solution I hate to bitch and not offer up a solution. Of course I'm not an economist, accountant, or owner of multiplication table flash cards, but I do pay attention. Here goes:
1) Put a hold on all foreclosures until April 16th when all GROSS taxable incomes (before write offs) are calculated. Adjust mortgage payments for those currently in foreclosure to 25% of their gross income for the next 24 months. This will adjust the interest rates for the consumer. Give the lenders the opportunity to write off only the current market rate shortfall thus keeping them solvent and allowing people in foreclosure to readjust their credit.
2) Eliminate interest only mortgages and lower the Debt to Income Ratio for future mortgages to 36% of the total gross income.
3) Offer a new employee tax credit to the small and medium business categories. The employees must work 32 hours or more and must be employed for at least 120 days.
4) Put energy subsidies in jeopardy if rates aren't adjusted down by 15%. (And a hearty guffaw ripples through the White House)
5) Lower taxes for households $60,000 gross income.
6) Increase child tax credit for households of $75,000 or less. (2007 retroactive)
7) Increase the import tax on all foreign made goods by .3%. ("Tax increase? What the...that's you liberals answer for everything!")
8) Increase tax on all outsourced white collar jobs. ("Another tax increase! Sure, they're foreigners, but still they're American-ish. At least they don't live next door to me.")
9) Increase taxes 1% for households of three or less with an annual gross income of $150,000 or more. ("Oh my god! And what do you expect that would do to the sales of summer houses in 2008? Didn't think about that did ya smart guy?")
10) I could go on, but the more freedom of speech I use, the more liberal I look, and as we all know, "Liberals hate the constitution."

Conclusion- I can only come to one. Bush is trying to make the next administration look as bad as possible by digging a hole that is unfillable. I would like to wrap this up with Fun With Metaphors: The stimulus package is a cute stuffed animal in which the Bush administration has placed a grenade upon retreat so to kill their enemy. Unfortunately, politics is not a war, citizens are not soldiers, and history is not pre-written, it is investigated by history majors...history majors that work a hell of a lot harder than George W. Bush did when he was a history major.