Fellow smokers, let's go on the offensive. [View All]

[Jack Sprat]

If you are tired of having your healthy habit demonized and being placed on the defensive, join with me in a national campaign to make non-smoking illegal. Before these nosy judmentalists began their crusade to close us out of public establishments, I had no quarrel with these neat-freaks. However, their jealousy of our smoking habits has gotten completely out of hand. Often, we have mused that if bars and restaurants were established for "smokers only", these miserable "non-smokers" would trample over each other getting inside with us, so they would have something to moralize about. They try to imply that our smoke, in some way, taints their hair and clothing. As I have pointed out on numerous occasions, cigarette smoking enhances the softness in their hair and clothing. In the Asian countries, where smoking is more prevalent, smoking results in the luxurious softness of both Oriental hair and soft silk pajamas. Yes, smoking adds a freshness like Bounty dryer tissues and the radiance of the most expensive hair conditioners.

It is time to demand legislation that would require these jealous-boxes to cease and desist from coveting our cigarette habit. Only when we enact legislation to require them to smoke in order to get a drivers license can we expect to get these neat-freaks off our backs. If we can stuff some cigarettes in their mouths and force them to smoke them, they will learn to relax and relieve some the stress that makes them such busy-bodies, snooping around trying to get in everyone else's business. Driver's licenses in each state need to have a picture ID showing each qualifying driver puffing on a Pall Mall, Camel, or Lucky Strike. This will show good intention of each driver and prospective smoker and force the local and federal governments to remove all the taxes from this health plant.