Reply #19: Prayers from me... [View All]

[ljm2002]

...and some advice: you need help. Assistance of some kind. You cannot carry this all yourself. You need to be there for your daughter -- as I know you are, and from what you have written here, you have certainly been solid as a rock for your wife.

As difficult as it is right now, what you really need more than anything IMO is a circle of friends and family to help you. If possible, in-home assistance would be the best for your family. If your means are limited, do reach out and see if you can find a way without needing to pay huge amounts of money. Of course now that she is going to the hospital that may be moot but I assume she'll be coming home later -- your writings indicate this is a long-term and slow-motion disease.

You might also want to look into alternative treatments. Not instead of, but in addition to the treatments she is receiving now. I am not trying to put out false hope of miracle cures, but there are sometimes good results for a variety of illnesses -- even if not cures, then in terms of managing the symptoms.

These are just my thoughts trying to be constructive. I know you are doing everything you can right now, and that you must be overwhelmed by it all. Please let your daughter know that she is a wonderful girl, and that you are a loving family, and that you are normal. That there is no such thing as "not" normal. I guess my other advice would be to not "put her in a home and go away with Hannah" as though that will give your daughter better memories. I think when we try too hard to protect our children from the reality, they fill it in with their own story. She might end up feeling that her mother deserted her, or that you took her mother away from her -- remember I said feeling, not thinking -- if she were to be separated from ever seeing her mother to spare her from seeing her mother slide into dementia. So as tough as it is, I'm not sure I would honor your wife's wishes in that regard.

Oh I'm sorry I'm just rambling, in response to your heart rending post. Please keep yourself as well as you possibly can, and give your wife and daughter hugs every day, and know there are a lot of people pulling for you all. No one can possibly sit in judgment of the decisions you make in such trying circumstances.

:hug: