Reply #70: I'm a proud mother of a gay 21 year old son [View All]

[BirminghamExaminer]

My son came out to me when he was 16. I had suspected he might be gay for many years but then he had had a girlfriend for about 9 months so I thought I'd been wrong. He sent me an email and told me he knew that we (my husband and I) were good liberals and yada yada yada but he was afraid to actually speak to me in person. The first thing I did was go upstairs and call him downstairs and hug him. I told him that I loved him and that his being gay was just one facet of who he is and that I was glad he told me about it.

My only concern has been that his life might be slightly more difficult than it would be if he weren't gay. But I have told him that I am happy to have a gay son and I mean that.

I think you did okay. The main thing is that she knows you love her and don't think differently about her. She is still your "pumpkinseed" (I think that's what you called her).

She is the same person she always was and the person that you have loved all of her life. That won't change and that's the main thing she needs to know. She does need to know that you will do whatever you can to support her and that if she has questions you can't answer, you will help her find the answers.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Let yourself feel the things you're going to feel. You will worry about it just as you will worry when she goes to get her driver's license. It's a normal part of being a parent. Don't deny your feelings to yourself at least. You don't have to tell her what your worries are, but you need to talk to someone about them. That is where PFLAG can be useful if you don't know other parents and family of gay children.

She is only 12 years old so I wouldn't be worrying about marriage and children at this point. My main concern for my son is the possibility of him being a victim of a hate crime. And I think the chances of that happening are pretty slim but just like when my children were little, I worried about them being kidnapped and so I think it's natural to worry about the worst case scenario.

I hope you will get involved in PFLAG and HRC (human rights campaign). Both are excellent organizations that seek to educate the public. I wrote an article recently about the AFA (American Family Association is a fundamentalist group) boycotting some companies because they support their LGBT employees and customers and I hope you will read that and buy Pepsi :)

AFA boycotts Pepsi for donating to Straight for Equality

There is a link in my bio (up by my picture if you go to the article) to my email address if you want to talk more about your feelings concerning your daughter. I know what you're going through and would be glad to talk with you about it.

Karen Harper