Calif. mom finds missing children using Facebook (after 15 years)

[Omaha Steve]

Source: AP

SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. (AP) - A Southern California mother whose two children were reported missing 15 years ago has tracked them down in Florida using Facebook.

The children's father, Faustino Utrera, took off with them in 1995 when they were ages 2 and 3, said San Bernardino Deputy District Attorney Kurt Rowley. The mother had found her daughter's Facebook profile after searching for her name on the social networking site in March, Rowley said.

An official said Saturday that the now 17-year-old girl and 16-year-old boy have been placed in the custody of the state of Florida.

"You can imagine the feelings she's having, not seeing her children for so many years and knowing they've bonded with another family," Rowley said about the mother. "But at the same time they're almost within her grasp."

Read more: http://apnews.excite.com/article/20100606/D9G5G0800.html

[alittlelark]

1. That is such a sad story...

As a mother I don't know how I would be able to cope.

I sincerely hope things work out w/ her kids.

[BrklynLiberal]

2. Tohave something like that happen..is like having your heart torn out of your body.

It is impossible to imagine what that mother has been going thru for 15 years....

And who knows what the father told them about her...
I hope he goes to jail for a very, very long time.

[kas125]

7. It's not impossible to imagine for me... It happened to me

in 1980, six months before it became illegal to kidnap your own child. I divorced him and was awarded custody where I lived in Illinois immediately, but it took many YEARS of searching and court battles to get that kid back because he'd gone to Nevada - the only state that does not recognize other states' custody agreements. When my son was taken he was just about to finish third grade. When I got him back, he was in high school and a totally different person than the little boy I'd raised. To this day we still have political differences, but thankfully he loves me and I love him. He doesn't have much use for his father these days, though.

[BrklynLiberal]

11. i am so very, very sorry for the years of heartache you have had to endure.

:cry: :hug:

[kas125]

19. Aww, thank you so much! It was hard, in fact, it was

horrible not knowing where he was or how he was, but my story had a relatively happy ending and we're okay now. I hope that the mother in this story fares as well.

[panzerfaust]

9. So now the kids are without the parent they knew, and are handed over

to someone who is a stranger to them.

Kidnapping the children from the other parent was totally wrong, and is what has led to this situation. But ... They are now teenagers - are they to be removed from the only life they know and whisked off to live with mom?

How is this going to work out?

Sad.

[BrklynLiberal]

12. As usual..in these cases, it is the children that suffer....no matter how it turns out.

[msanthrope]

15. Yes. They will bear the burden for their felonious father, and I hope

the judge remembers that at sentence.

[rebecca_herman]

54. It's a crappy situation no matter what

Honestly, what's done is probably done. These kids are practically adults at this point. Any childhood they could have had with their mother is lost. If they decide they are unhappy about this they will leave on their own a very short time from now when they are legal adults, one will be 18 in just a few short months. Given that their childhood is over it probably would have been less disruptive for them if she hadn't happened to find them for another year or two.

I feel sorry for the mother for what she lost but this won't give it back to her. I'm not sure if this is the best way for her to be able to have a relationship with them as adults, but it was her legal right to decide I guess and if it backfires on her so be it, it was her decision.

[Name removed]

3. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Tumbulu]

4. That was exactly my thought

yikes, what a difficult thing to imagine.

[Name removed]

5. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[BR_Parkway]

8. Because he thought about the kids emotions before the mothers?

[Name removed]

14. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[defendandprotect]

18. Because the only presumption we can make is that the father acted in his own selfish

interests and did harm to his own children and their mother --

And because suggesting that any mother is acting out of "selfish" interests because

she wants to have her children/family back is merely presumption on your part --

These children were stolen from this mother 15 years ago and that's where the emphasis

should remain --

[joeglow3]

21. I only wish it were that simple!!!

I am a father of 3 boys and could never begin to imagine the pain the mother feels (nor do I want to). That said, there is truth to the fact that the kids no NOTHING different and this is a HUGE issue for them to deal with (one that will most likely not be dealt with without serious repurcussions for the kids). Thus, there really is no right answer when dealing with the mother and the kids.

I think we can all agree dad is a piece of shit that needs to be locked away.

[defendandprotect]

23. I certainly didn't say that it was "simple" . . .

However, if these were your 3 children, would you leave them where they are, indefinitely?

Is that what you're saying?

Yes, there is truth to the fact that these children were forced into another life away from

their biological mother and their true family -- BY THEIR FATHER!

Are you really trying to suggest that the Mother should forego access to her children/family

because it might now mean more change for them?



I only wish it were that simple!!!
I am a father of 3 boys and could never begin to imagine the pain the mother feels (nor do I want to). That said, there is truth to the fact that the kids no NOTHING different and this is a HUGE issue for them to deal with (one that will most likely not be dealt with without serious repurcussions for the kids). Thus, there really is no right answer when dealing with the mother and the kids.

From your own experience as a father of 3 . . . what would you do differently from what this

Mother is doing?

[joeglow3]

39. I would do what I wanted

And that is reconnect with my boys. All I am saying is that it is very likely NOT in the kids best interest, provided they had an otherwise normal upbringing. Now if dad and his new wife were pieces of shit to the kids (quite possible), I agree the stability I could bring would probably outweigh the costs.

[defendandprotect]

42. So you would do what this Mother is doing . . . yet you persist in

suggesting it will "very likely NOT be in the kids best interest" without providing any

evidence for that, but presumption.

You're also basing that entire house of cards on your further presumption that ...

they had an otherwise normal upbringing.


The Mother was awarded custody and the father stole the children -- that seems simple enough --

for law enforcement to simply work to return the children.

[joeglow3]

44. "Very likely not" was too strong

Sorry about that. All I am saying is it could very likely play out in multiple ways. Under some scenarios, it would be best for the mother to reconnect. Under others, it would probably be best if she did not.

[defendandprotect]

47. I think when it comes down to what YOU would do...it is the same as what the Mother is doing...!!

And that pretty much tells the truth of what you really feel --

[joeglow3]

53. Not really

If someone killed one of my kids, I would fight with all my might to have them executed. That said, I do not believe any government should allow execution.

I readily recognize that my emotions (as do everyone else's) cloud my judgement at times. I admit that my personal desire for revenge would outweigh my beliefs in regards to execution. Call me weak. Say I have no convictions. However, I am simply being honest.

Same thing here. I readily admit my personal, strong emotions would probably cloud my judgement.

[kas125]

20. I'll tell you - gladly!

YOU don't know WHAT that woman did or whether he kids even WERE well. You don't if she was being selfish or was concerned about the welfare of her children who were living with a KIDNAPPER. Sheesh. The story didn't say anything about the kids' lives or how they were. And until you are in the same situation that mother was in, you have absolutely NO right to judge her.

[Name removed]

22. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[defendandprotect]

24. And what if they are unpleasant memories ... ??? Do you find that impossible...???

[Name removed]

25. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

27. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

29. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[kas125]

46. Oh yes there is - he KIDNAPPED the children, therefore he

IS a monster as well as a criminal. Geez, we aren't talking about what if, we're talking about what actually happened! That man stole two babies, took them from their home, deprived them of their mother for fifteen years and you somehow think that's okay because in some custody cases fathers don't get a "fair shake" and that the mother is wrong for contacting the police when she discovered where her kids were. Wow, just wow.

[Name removed]

49. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[kas125]

52. YOU don't know, either, which was precisely my point in

the first place. But it was YOU who attacked the mother, saying that she was putting her own selfish interests before the welfare of her children. That she was taking them from the only life they've ever known and that somehow that was wrong, even though they've been living with a kidnapper for fifteen years. I pointed out that you don't know what kind of life they were living with the father so you had no right to say such things about the mother. Then you changed the subject to men not getting 'fair shakes' in custody trials. And NOW you're telling ME that I don't know the circumstances? Of course, I don't, that's what I've been telling you all day - we don't KNOW what kind of life they were living, we don't know! What I do know is that denigrating a mother for calling the police when she discovered the whereabouts of her missing children is something that I never expected to see in what's supposed to be a civilized society and it's sickening to see.

I'm finished with this conversation because conversing with you is beginning to feel like pounding my head against a brick wall.

[defendandprotect]

28. You have no basis for any presumption . . . that's what I'm trying to point out to you....

You have no actual idea what their lives were like away from their Mother and family --

Yet, you presume that the Mother is "selfish" -- and children are better off where they are.

[Name removed]

30. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[defendandprotect]

32. I'm making no presumption about their past lives . . . however,

they should naturally be reunited with their biological Mother and family --

from whom they were stolen.

[Name removed]

33. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[defendandprotect]

34. And YOU know why the father left with the kids? Of course you don't . . .

but you've been tossing slurs on the Mother since the thread began!


And, saying that the Mother and children/family should be reunited is not a

"presumption" . . . it would be the general outlook of our family courts --

especially when children are stolen away.

[Name removed]

35. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[defendandprotect]

36. Did you suggest that the Mother was acting out of "selfish feelings" . . .???

to the detriment of her children?

Because a woman would consider her own selfish feelings before the well-being of the kids...?

And have you now suggested that the father "may have had reasons" for having

stolen the children? "Reasons" would suggest that this was an unfit Mother, perhaps?

[Name removed]

37. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[defendandprotect]

38. "Because a woman would consider her own selfish feelings before the well-being of the kids...?"

Because a woman would consider her own selfish feelings before the well-being of the kids...?

That's your post #14 . . . reread it yourself --

Slurring the father without even knowing him?

Are you saying that the benefit of the doubt should be given to the father who stole the children

and kept them hidden for 15 years from their Mother and family?

And by your suggestions you are casting slurs on the Mother --

that is your aim, in fact.

Again, if there is any benefit of doubt to be given, it is to the Mother from whom the children

were stolen --

Many women have had to flee abusive husbands -- even husbands sexually abusing children --

and to do it secretly. These were women who raised these concerns/charges -- and were

abused by courts against all reality.

If there had been any such "legitimate" reasons raised by this father, it will be in court

files. Meanwhile, the children should be returned to their Mother/family by the courts.

[Name removed]

43. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[rebecca_herman]

55. supposedly they wanted to stay with their father

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/37530102/ns/technology_and_science-security/ according to this article

That said, they will both be legal adults very soon and if they don't want the relationship with their mother still they are free to leave at that point. Given the age of the children (who really aren't even children anymore, the childhood they could have had with her truly is gone forever), and the fact that the daughter clearly said to the mother to leave her alone, I'm not sure this was the best way for the mother to try and have a relationship with them as adults. But I suppose given it was legally her choice to make, if the kids leave as soon as they are 18 because they resent her, oh well. I'm sad for her but I'm not sure this was the best way to try and have a relationship with them given their ages and how close they were to legal adulthood. She might have been more successful had she waited a year or two and it was no longer about "taking them away from the only parent they knew" in the kids' minds, but whatever, her choice I guess.

I'm not neccesarily judging the mother, I don't think the kids will neccesarily be greatly harmed by this, they aren't little children who are going to feel scared, alone, and missing Daddy, I just question whether this will be a good outcome given the nearly adult children's feelings about it. I'm sad for everyone involved, including the mother.

[Name removed]

26. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

31. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Dappleganger]

41. She has a hell of a lot more experience than you!

[Name removed]

50. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Dappleganger]

40. Not if he was a shit father who stole them away from their mother.

Once again, very non-progressive views coming from you.

[Binka]

48. No Worries Dapple

No worries.

[Name removed]

51. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[defendandprotect]

17. So . . . if these were your children, you'd just leave them where they are?

[DesertFlower]

6. i found my granddaughter 2 years ago.

hadn't seen her since she was 1-1/2. it was through a people search but my initial contact with her was on facebook because i was afraid to call her.

[SemperEadem]

10. a crime had been committed by the father 15 years ago

if the kids are going to be mad at anyone, they need to be mad at their criminal father. None of this would be happening if he had followed the law.

The circumstances of his divorce are non sequitur to this issue. Outside of abuse, there is no excuse to steal children from the custodial parent. Hurt feelings over how things shake out for you in a divorce is not an excuse to kidnap.

[BrklynLiberal]

13. +1000

How much thought was the father giving to the children's feelings and emotional life when he took them...?

I am sure that while they do not remember now, at 2 and 3, they missed their Mommy for a long time...

[tqla]

16. Punish the father to the full extent of the law and...

anybody else who knew that the kids were taken. I so sick of people thinking that if you steal a kid long enough you can keep them because "it's the only life they know". Bullshit. I would say the same thing if a Mother stole the kids too.

[Xavyman]

45. Both sad and happy story

To think that they missed 15 years of their lives is a very sad story. Gladly, they are reunited now. God bless them.