Brit Hume: Master of Deception (a FOX ghost story )

[moggie12]

A Dramatic Re-creation of A Recent Brit Hume Show
(With Added Dream Sequences)


Cast:
- Brit Hume, Fox News Host
- Jeff Birnbaum, Washington Post staff writer
- The Ghosts of Tom Jefferson*, Abe Lincoln*” and Edward R. Murrow*

* Appearing in dream sequences



Setting: FOX News Studios

BRIT HUME SPEAKS: The White House woke up this morning to further unwelcome news about the extent of the AARP's efforts to block the President from using private investment, as a way to generate bigger returns for future Social Security recipients whose regular benefits may have to be cut.


**********
TOM JEFFERSON: Whoa!! Social Security benefits may have to be cut?
ED MURROW: (perplexed) Well, ummm, actually, FDR was just ranting about that the other day – he said it was President Bush’s plan that would result in cuts.
ABE LINCOLN: (brow furrowed) Then why did Hume say that? That doesn’t strike me as an honest way to start out a discussion.
ED MURROW: (shrugs, throws hands in air in dismay)
********

BRITT HUME and JEFF BIRNBAUM briefly discuss AARP’s efforts to mobilize opposition to the President’s proposal, and then HUME asks, “How does the AARP stack up in terms of potent Washington lobbies? How does it rank in your view?

BIRNBAUM: (snarky look) It is an acquired taste.

HUME: (snarky look back) Right. I'm sure.

BIRNBAUM: But nonetheless, for years "Fortune" magazine did a survey. And in most of the years we did it, of who has the most clout in the capitol, AARP was No. 1. ………..
………………
HUME: Now, is an association of people who ……sort of gathered around a basket of issues? Is that how this organization was formed?

BIRNBAUM: No. …..anyone can join the AARP once you turn 50 years old. In fact, most people get a solicitation to join. A lot of people, I would say it's fair to say most people join for the discounts, for which it's very famous………

HUME: In other words, people don't join this organization for the reason they might join a labor union or political party, or a political organization that might support certain causes.

BIRNBAUM: No.

HUME: They join for the same reasons they might join the Price Club or Costco.



*************:
TOM JEFFERSON: (eyebrows raised) Do I smell a rat?
ABE LINCOLN: (frowning) If they want to accuse the AARP of not representing it’s member’s views, why don’t they just come out and say so? .
ED MURROW: (nods) I agree, Abe. I was never much on innuendo. If I had something to say, I said it. If I had no proof, I kept my mouth shut.
ABE LINCOLN: Good for you, Ed. There’s much to be said for honesty and integrity. Back in my day, they were virtues.
TOM JEFFERSON: (nodding sagely) Not to mention that comparing AARP to a discount chain strikes me as a backhanded attempt to belittle them. (pauses) Although you do have to admit Costco provides good value. When I popped in the other day, I saw a 48-pack of Charmin for $12.
*****************


BIRNBAUM continues: ……the way the AARP staff in Washington keeps track of what …members want is the staff suggests solutions to things. They poll …the members. They do focus groups and try to keep in touch with their members. And it doesn't always work.

HUME: Because they don't have any direct election process by which the members — by which the lords of the AARP are selected. Right?


*********************
TOM JEFFERSON: (startled, confused) “The lords of the AARP”??!! We rid the country of lords back in 1776!!
ABE LINCOLN: (one eyebrow raised) I think he means it as an insult, Tom. He's impugning AARP’s integrity, suggesting that the AARP leadership has its own agenda and is running amuck. Is that your take, Ed?
ED MURROW: (look of dismay on face) Yeah, I think you’re right, Abe. This is terrible. It reminds me of the 50’s, back when that McCarthy jerk was running around. A little name-calling went pretty far back then.
TOM JEFFERSON: That doesn’t sound good.
ED MURROW: Trust me, it wasn’t.
********************


BIRNBAUM continues: They have a very elaborate board setup that’s tiered so that there is a lot of input from members. But it's very hard to keep track of what 35 million people want……What AARP does have in addition to a lot of members is a lot of money. Their operating budget last year was $800 million.
……………
HUME: Can legally spend whatever it wants to defeat this? Whatever it wants?

BIRNBAUM: Yes. It can...

HUME: There's no campaign finance reform.

BIRNBAUM: No. And they don't have to actually tell us how much . Quite clearly, on ads alone, they've already spent $15 million or more this year, which is three-quarters of the budget of the largest organization pushing Bush's proposal. So, they can outspend anyone.

HUME: Jeff, thank you.

BIRNBAUM: Thank you.



****************
ED MURROW: I feel sick.

TOM JEFFERSON: What’s the matter, Ed?

ED MURROW: What Birnbaum just said was very deceptive. There are several corporate-funded groups spending millions to push Bush’s plan: USA NEXT, Progress for America, and the Club for Growth have each budgeted $10 million, and there’s some new front group called the Alliance for Worker Retirement created specifically to lobby on social security reform. Strangely enough, I happen to remember the website link FDR mentioned in case you want to look it up for yourself: http://www.publicintegrity.org/527/report.aspx?aid=11

TOM JEFFERSON: My word, Ed, that’s an outrageous misrepresentation of the facts!

ED MURROW: That’s not the half of it, Tom. These two yahoos were taking potshots at AARP for offering services to members, but USA NEXT does the exact same thing – they offer insurance and financial investments as well as travel discount arrangements with major hotels and other businesses. What’s more, they take huge donations from corporations. Luckily, I also remember the website address for the USA Today article that describes this.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2005-02-27-soc-security-aarp_x.htm

ABE LINCOLN: (jaw drops) But, Ed, neither Hume nor Birnbaum mentioned that! This show wasn’t fair and balanced at all! In fact, it was downright dishonest!!

ED MURROW: (shaking head despondently) This is very upsetting. It violates every journalistic standard I held dear!

TOM JEFFERSON: (Look of anger flashes across face) I think we’ve been had, gentlemen. That Hume fellow was asking leading questions, giving Birnbaum the set-up for what he wanted to say. Hume is no journalist!! He’s a partisan hack!! And Birnbaum’s no better!

ED MURROW: (clasps hands on head in despair) Good God, what has journalism come to? What the hell has happened since I’ve been gone?

ABE LINCOLN: Take it easy, Ed. There’s more TV news shows we can visit. It can’t be this bad everywhere.

TOM JEFFERSON: (gently pats Murrow on back) Yes, Ed, calm down. Let’s take a look around some more. There has to be someone with journalistic standards. You mustn’t lose hope.

ED MURROW: (still shaky) Yes, I guess you’re right, Tom. Shall we press on, gentlemen?

ABE LINCOLN: (slaps him on back) That’s the spirit!

ALL THREE MEN: (general laughter)
*******************



Full transcript of Hume broadcast:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,152036,00.html


“Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty.”
Thomas Jefferson