Bertha Venation
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:01 AM
Original message |
can you top the malaprop I heard on the elevator this morning? |
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Rode up on the elevator today with the firm's reference librarian. I asked her about the book she was carrying. She said "I like it but all the women in it are, you know, like, mermaids." I asked what she meant, and she said, "oh, I don't know . . . flighty, um, urethral." :wtf: I'm sure she meant "ethereal." I just didn't have the heart to correct a legal reference librarian.
Can you top this? I'm sure someone can . . . .
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BigMcLargehuge
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:03 AM
Response to Original message |
1. urethral!!!!! BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA |
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oh man... LOL....
That's a pisser.... (BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!)
Did you respond that you found her comments "chestillating"
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GOPisEvil
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:04 AM
Response to Reply #1 |
2. LOL!!!! A pisser...stop it! |
Coventina
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:04 AM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Thu Apr-15-04 10:05 AM by Coventina
A friend of mine and I were building a set for a play in high school. He asked me to give him a "participle board." I said, "You mean 'particle board'?" He insisted NO! PARTICIPLE BOARD!!! We would have come to blows over it, except that I found it too hilarious.
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Pert_UK
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:06 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
6. You should have just passed participle board to him........ |
BigMcLargehuge
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:07 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
8. be careful with those screw guns |
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Edited on Thu Apr-15-04 10:08 AM by BigMcLargehuge
we don't want any dangling participles... if one of those things fell it would kill someone.
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GOPisEvil
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:07 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
9. You should have given him 5 nails... |
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...because we damn sure don't want his participle board DANGLING! :P
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Pert_UK
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:05 AM
Response to Original message |
4. I was once having dinner with a friend of mine...... |
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and she said that the restaurant was "very platitudiness".
Neither of us have got any idea what she meant.
P.
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JVS
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:20 AM
Response to Reply #4 |
Pert_UK
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:21 AM
Response to Reply #14 |
15. Don't think so....it was supposed to be a complement and..... |
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it was just a nice, cheapish place.
Nice try though!
P.
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skypilot
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Thu Apr-15-04 01:10 PM
Response to Reply #4 |
31. She might have meant... |
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...pulchritudinous (sp?) if that is, in fact, a word. Pulchritude means beauty so she might have been trying to say that the restauarant was beautiful. Would have been better if she'd just said that.
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Pert_UK
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Thu Apr-15-04 02:39 PM
Response to Reply #31 |
35. If I ask her, she'll CLAIM that's what she meant, for sure! |
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But I doubt that it really is!
Thanks! I will add that to my dictionary!
P.
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madmax
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:05 AM
Response to Original message |
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bush is the carrier and it's spreading.
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Screaming Lord Byron
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:07 AM
Response to Original message |
7. There's an arrogant, smug self-centred woman in my office |
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who, when she leaves for the day always says 'manyadda' (in a smug way). When I asked what she just said, she replied 'well, that's the Mexican for see you later, what do they teach people in schools these days?' She's been saying it for years.
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Fenris
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Thu Apr-15-04 11:09 AM
Response to Reply #7 |
19. Canada is a country away from Mexico, though |
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I live in Texas and people STILL say shit like that! And they live in Mexico!
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Screaming Lord Byron
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Thu Apr-15-04 11:13 AM
Response to Reply #19 |
20. Yeah, but she deserves bonus points for constant repetition |
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over a period of years, and correcting others. And she owns a leopard print suit that she wears to work.
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Fenris
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Thu Apr-15-04 11:15 AM
Response to Reply #20 |
22. There should be more restrictions on manner of dress |
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First order: No leopard print at work, ever, on pain of death.
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bmbmd
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Thu Apr-15-04 01:29 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
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Edited on Thu Apr-15-04 01:30 PM by bmbmd
"manana" (mun-Yah-nuh) wihich means "tommorow", as in "see ya tomorrow". Standard Tex-Mex lingo.
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MissMarple
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:09 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
41. LOL Mexicans speak Spanish not Mexican. |
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As I'm sure you know. I had a relative who insisted tortilla should be pronounced with the ll's intact. She was a sweetie, so we didn't make a big deal of it. :D
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bif
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:13 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
45. I like it when people say< "He has boo-ko bucks." |
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If you're going to bother to use a foreign word, at least pronounce it right.
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eyesroll
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:09 AM
Response to Original message |
10. I once temped in a real-estate office |
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My job was transcribing dictation into letters, notes, etc.
There were a couple of agents who had appalling grammar, and used inappropriate words all the time. I tried to quietly correct their mistakes -- surely they misspoke, right? -- but, no, the draft would come back with edits. I can't even count how many times that week those agents "corrected" my corrections. (And I'm positive I was right -- it wasn't jargon; it was as bad as "urethral/etherial.")
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southerngirlwriter
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:12 AM
Response to Original message |
11. oh Lord.....no, can't top that one in real life |
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Have you read The Poisonwood Bible??
It's a fantastic book, anyway, but one of the narrators is a teenage girl who makes the dumbest malapropisms imaginable. ("I felt like Gulliver among the Lapidopterans...there in my own Sloop of Despond.")
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BigMcLargehuge
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:14 AM
Response to Reply #11 |
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The island of butterfly collectors...
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JVS
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:17 AM
Response to Original message |
13. My mom taught at a DeVry type business school when I was young |
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Edited on Thu Apr-15-04 10:20 AM by JVS
You know, one of those two years and start a career places. One of her jobs was watching tapes of mock-interviews to critique the students on their interviewing skills and give them tips to improve it.
I'm in the same room when my mom is reviewing the tapes and one of the students comes on. Evidently he had worked at a pet store and the interviewer is asking him about the animals and he somewhere he says "They had some pretty erotic birds"
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damnraddem
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Thu Apr-15-04 11:06 AM
Response to Reply #13 |
18. Well, to each his own. |
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Maybe it kept him off the streets.
When he came home from the pet shop, do you think his wife asked 'is that a feather on your collar?'
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bmbmd
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Thu Apr-15-04 10:40 AM
Response to Original message |
16. She's one of my favorite singers- |
damnraddem
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Thu Apr-15-04 11:04 AM
Response to Original message |
17. Well, they may all be urethral, but ... |
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since when are mermaids flighty, or ethereal?
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displacedtexan
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Thu Apr-15-04 11:13 AM
Response to Original message |
21. There was an Amoeba diagram on my chalkboard one day... |
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(I shared a classroom). One of my students asked: Why is there an orgasm on your chalkboard?
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SCDem
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Thu Apr-15-04 12:24 PM
Response to Reply #21 |
25. My mother was a 6th grade science teacher and organism |
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often got turned into orgasm by the kids.
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truthseeker1
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Thu Apr-15-04 08:59 PM
Response to Reply #25 |
59. I did that once - but it was 9th grade! |
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Still...I didn't really know what the word meant, but I probably wrote orgasm because I had seen it in writing more often (Judy Blume books).
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bonemachine
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Thu Apr-15-04 09:05 PM
Response to Reply #59 |
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In, I think, 8th grade science with me, and he intentionally wrote orgasm instead of organism on every piece of homework for the class. The teacher never once noticed.
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SPQR
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Thu Apr-15-04 12:16 PM
Response to Original message |
23. When my partner and I got back from Rome |
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his sister commented, "It sounds like ya'll really enjoyed the Sixteen Chapels."
(And here all this time we'd thought Michelangelo only painted one.)
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Blue-Jay
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Thu Apr-15-04 12:18 PM
Response to Original message |
24. Bertha, she should write speeches for Don King. |
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Sounds like something he'd say.
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Beware the Beast Man
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Thu Apr-15-04 12:24 PM
Response to Original message |
26. Here's some from my own wife: |
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non-sequentir
Pachebelli's "Canon in D"
Josh Whedon
schizofrannic
...and too many others....I love her to death, though.
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Lydia Leftcoast
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Thu Apr-15-04 12:26 PM
Response to Original message |
27. My father's hometown paper |
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had a columnist who was quite a freeper, except that it was years before FR was founded.
One day, she started railing against "the greatest social evil of our time--euphemism."
I thought, "HUH?" and kept reading.
Since her ramblings were never very coherent, it took me a while to figure out what she meant. Finally she said, "Euphemism means treating dying people like dogs or cats when the vet puts them to sleep."
Oh, "euthanasia"!
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bif
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Thu Apr-15-04 12:29 PM
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28. "I'm tired of all these insinuendos." also:"Raped over the coals." |
July
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Thu Apr-15-04 01:05 PM
Response to Reply #28 |
29. BWAAAA!!! Those are hilarious! |
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Second one sounds mighty painful.
How about this from a relative: I can't make up my mind. I'm oscillating.
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Terran
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Thu Apr-15-04 09:45 PM
Response to Reply #28 |
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I'm pretty sure that the former and unlamented Mayor of Los Angeles, Sam Yorty (circa 1964) invented that one!
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histohoney
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Thu Apr-15-04 01:07 PM
Response to Original message |
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made this comment while looking out the window of my sister's car. (We were driving past a construction sight in her home town of Albuquerque) "Condoms, condoms condoms, they're all over this place!" My sister asked my Grands if maybe she didn't mean CONDOS. Grands said " Condoms, Condos, whats the difference?" "Nothing if you're REALLLLY lucky!" I said. She pinched me for three whole blocks but the laugh was worth it.
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Turbineguy
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Thu Apr-15-04 01:14 PM
Response to Original message |
32. When we ate in Chinese Restaurants |
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my son used to look forward to the "Fucking Cookie". But then again, he was less than two years old at the time.
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GoddessOfGuinness
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:25 PM
Response to Reply #32 |
52. My little boy used to like watching |
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big fucks go down the street. Especially the ones that collected trash.
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Digger
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Thu Apr-15-04 11:33 PM
Response to Reply #32 |
65. Maybe he was serious... |
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as in: "I hate those fucking cookies". :)
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Mrs. Venation
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Thu Apr-15-04 02:34 PM
Response to Original message |
34. This Isn't A Malaprop, But It's Funny |
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This is a real memo, sent out by IBM to its employees, in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.
Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.
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Commie Pinko Dirtbag
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:15 PM
Response to Reply #34 |
47. I found the link in Snopes, but I can't go there |
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http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/mouse.htmMy work blocks URLs with "humor" in it. :mad: So, does it say it's true or false?
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Dookus
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:28 PM
Response to Reply #47 |
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but it was written as a joke. The text has changed a bit from the original, but it WAS evidently written and sent out, but the author was not unaware of the humor in it.
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RandomKoolzip
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Thu Apr-15-04 02:52 PM
Response to Original message |
36. No, but everybody says "CHOMPING at the bit" when it's really |
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"CHAMPING at the bit." I'm really sick of hearing everybody fuck that one up.
That and spelling "oops!" as "opps." Opps? As in, rhymes with "stops?" "Mops?"
It's not hard to get these things right, but I always see people screwing them up.
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toddzilla
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Thu Apr-15-04 02:59 PM
Response to Reply #36 |
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that doesn't make any sense.
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RandomKoolzip
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:09 PM
Response to Reply #37 |
Richardo
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:21 PM
Response to Reply #37 |
50. It does if you're a horse person... |
ChavezSpeakstheTruth
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:01 PM
Response to Reply #36 |
39. Irregardless of what you say I could care less! |
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Edited on Thu Apr-15-04 03:02 PM by ChavezSpeakstheTruth
Harumph!!!
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RandomKoolzip
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:11 PM
Response to Reply #39 |
43. Care for a pop? Or would you like some soda instead? |
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As Michael J. Nelson once said, "You know, there's only a fine line between regionalism and just plain stupidity."
I love it when you.....aauuuuughhhhh
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Snow
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:03 PM
Response to Reply #36 |
40. And for us fussbudgets, it's 'martial law' as in war not 'marshall' as |
Spider Jerusalem
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Thu Apr-15-04 08:33 PM
Response to Reply #40 |
57. And to be REALLY picky, "marshal" only has one "L". |
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e.g. "field marshal", "air marshal", etc. Unless it's a name, that is, in which case there are two.
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Snow
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Thu Apr-15-04 09:20 PM
Response to Reply #57 |
63. Thanks Spider - I guess I've seen it spelled with two 'l' s so often |
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I've started doing it myself. Unless of course, Marshall actually was Mr. Dillon's first name, eh?
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Richardo
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:19 PM
Response to Reply #36 |
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"Chomping" is a perennial peeve of mine. Could not have said it better meself. :thumbsup:
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ChavezSpeakstheTruth
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:00 PM
Response to Original message |
38. I knew a girl who reffered to an urn as "a urine" |
RandomKoolzip
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:14 PM
Response to Reply #38 |
46. I was in a Target in Nashvile when I overheard two women talking... |
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They were looking at shampoo and one woman said to the other, "How does people know how it works?"
I'm not making that up.
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ChavezSpeakstheTruth
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Thu Apr-15-04 08:17 PM
Response to Reply #46 |
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ANSWER THEIR QUESTION BEOTCH!!! "How does people know how it works?" ????????????????
- Pete Batson
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MissMarple
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:13 PM
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44. "Orgasms" in the water. |
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An older friend who very sweet and ... uh, blond, said this in reference to their hot tub. She meant organisms, bless her heart. No one had the heart to correct her, but everyone heard it.
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GoddessOfGuinness
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:26 PM
Response to Reply #44 |
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Musta been some hot tub! :D
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Richardo
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:16 PM
Response to Original message |
48. Idiot where I used to work with said "derbiss" meaning "debris" |
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Edited on Thu Apr-15-04 03:18 PM by Richardo
and "Fruitation" for "Fruition" :eyes:
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GoddessOfGuinness
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Thu Apr-15-04 03:22 PM
Response to Original message |
51. In Grammar and Semantics class |
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...in high school...
We had a daily list of 5 words for which we had to write definitions and contextual sentences.
I'll never forget this one kid who always skated by with regard to his homework. The teacher asked for his definition of "enigma". Embarrassed, he answered, "You know..."
Then she asked him to read his sentence.
"The nurse gave the patient an enigma" :D
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catzies
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Thu Apr-15-04 04:05 PM
Response to Original message |
55. One thing I know for sure. After attending an orientation you are NOT |
Snow
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Thu Apr-15-04 09:18 PM
Response to Reply #55 |
62. Ooh-ooh! And "preventative" medicine. |
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that's too many syllallables! You prevent things, not preventat them.
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geniph
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Fri Apr-16-04 04:09 PM
Response to Reply #62 |
70. That's why I can't bear the word "administrate." |
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The word is "administer," please. I beg you.
I also have a strong dislike for the use of the word "empathetic" when "empathic" is meant. Yes, I know "empathetic" is an acceptable usage. I don't have to like it. It sounds too much like "pathetic" for me.
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ScreamingMeemie
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Thu Apr-15-04 08:35 PM
Response to Original message |
58. My sister in law says Phantom for fathom all of the time. This after |
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she tries to convince you that she has 3 degrees, has performed eye surgery and knows everything financial or legal. :eyes:
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WannaJumpMyScooter
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Thu Apr-15-04 09:09 PM
Response to Original message |
61. Takes real kidneys to make a statement like that |
toddzilla
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Fri Apr-16-04 12:00 AM
Response to Original message |
66. A driver's license is a single item |
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It's not "them", it's an IT.
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put out
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Fri Apr-16-04 12:30 AM
Response to Original message |
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But please don't say "wet my appetite" when it is "whet my appetite" as in sharpen it with a whet stone?
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vajraroshana
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Fri Apr-16-04 12:40 AM
Response to Original message |
68. when i was a teenager |
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i used to smoke pot.
my dad had busted me and my brothers on numerous occasions.
after we had all started college our pot smoking pretty much stopped, but occasionally on breaks we'd smoke some.
so one night on summer break we were home and my dad had clipped a newspaper article on dangerous pathogens that had found their way into batches of pot from pot farmers who used chicken manure as fertilizer.
he read the article out loud to us. every time he came to the word "organism" he would say "orgasm".
every single time.
we were all holding our laughter in, even my mom.
when he finished, we just couldn't hold it in any longer and started guffawing, including my mom.
my dad was like, "What?"
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blm
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Fri Apr-16-04 02:46 PM
Response to Original message |
69. Try this true incident.... |
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I had a friend who was quite the hair for brains. While visiting NYC for the first time, I took her to see St. Patrick's Cathedral. She looked around awestruck and solemnly whispered, "Wow, it's like feeling...um...menage e trois. Know what I mean?" I rolled my eyes (accustomed to these gems from her mouth) and asked, "You DO mean deja vu, don't you?"
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Blue-Jay
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Fri Apr-16-04 04:25 PM
Response to Original message |
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My mom was a dispatcher for the State Highway Patrol for a large number of years, and said that over the radio while I was visiting her at work. This was several years ago, and the guys still talk about it.
To her credit, she realized what she had said right after it was out of her mouth, and turned beet red as all the troopers clicked their mics on and off. (Trooper-speak for laughter)
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latebloomer
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Fri Apr-16-04 04:37 PM
Response to Original message |
72. can't top THAT, but. . . |
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the other day I got an email forwarded from someone in my kids' school., addressed to all the parents. She apologized for not getting the honor roll results out on time-- there was a computer glitch which "UNABLED" their ability to do so. I replied, "Unabled? Cool word. Is that in the dictionary?"
Someone responded'' "Snot-ty--adj., Snob-bish"
Properly chastened, I slunk back in my hole.
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Bertha Venation
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Sat Apr-17-04 09:26 AM
Response to Reply #72 |
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Embarrassing for you though. :hug:
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Mon May 13th 2024, 04:15 AM
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