|
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
Darn straight. Fire grilled dead animals usually taste much better than fried dead animals.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
But until 1990, that also meant that the man was gay. You heteros had to make it hard for us to decide who is and is not gay. :P Same goes for ripped jeans and just about every other fashion statement, we homos got there first. Nah nah nah-nah-nah.
3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.
I'll have to remember that one, though I'd rather keep the camera in the bedroom...
4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."
No sexist comment there. The "rich" comment is UNIVERSAL too, even in ways you may not expect.
5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
Being gay, none of us is divorced, but we've all been used a few times! :evilgrin:
6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
Don't watch sports, can't relate.
7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
Don't watch sports, can't relate.
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
We just like to be kept busy and we like to tinker.
9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
Can't relate, I could care less who gets up first, unless it's sexual in nature in which case getting up is a good thing. :D
10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
I don't!
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
That's right, make me cry with eternal hopelessness, you evil spiteful person you. :-( </half sarcasm>
12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
Fair enough.
13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
I wear Greek fisherman's caps. As I'm gay, this mean the heteros will take notice and mimick me in about 5.3 years from now.
14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
Don't know.
15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
That's good to know.
16. Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
Again, we love to play with buttons and tinker. If you're so observant, didn't you recognize the pattern? :evilgrin:
17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
Usually because, to me, it's a sign that the relationship is about to END.
18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
All logs burn.
19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
If you say so.
20. All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
See my PM. Or not. :evilgrin:
21. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
No, but we get beer bellies.
22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Right.
23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
My normal temp is 97.2 degrees F. What's yours?
24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
Loaded question. Next!
25. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
I haven't noticed this pattern.
26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
I'll have to remember that, I rarely eat lettuce.
27. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
I'll wait and see.
28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
That's a pity. :D I like men in tight uniforms.
29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
Cool.
30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Unless they all like sci-fi.
31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
Oh really?
32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
It's called advertising, it's supposed to be fraudlent by nature.
33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
Why would I want to see it once when Spock had a better dying scene?
34. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
Probably.
35. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...he didn't lose your number...he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
Maybe.
36. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
That's too bad, women should take control.
37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.
LOL!
38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you...I want to marry you...I want to have your
children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
Well, 2 out of 3 wouldn't get rid of me. But I don't want children.
39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."
:eyes:
40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
You haven't seen my credit card bill. :evilgrin:
41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
Rules out George W Bush then. :D
42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
LOL! A pity for all involved.
43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
Then let women design womens' clothes, this is a free country.
44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
What happned to Wonder Woman? She rocks! Then there's ElectraWoman and DynaGirl.
45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries on clothing from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
:D
46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
Eewwww. I'm going to turn hetero when I turn 70?!
47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
True!
48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
LOL!
49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
Logical, though I could handle the same man for a lifetime, I don't see why men are so fickle with their pickle.
50. All men would still really like to own a train set.
I don't. My own "train" satisfied me just as it is. :evilgrin:
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
I love Rita Rudner and that perfectly timed pause of hers is golden! 
