Advice please - fellow DU'ers...........

[Bullwinkle925]

I want to sell my home and move. My husband has never lived anywhere else but in this area. He is also ill and I take him to treatments and care for him at home. He does go out to play golf and is now out running errands - so he is not bed-ridden. My sister has had a home built in Texas and I have thought of moving there to be closer to her.
My husband has a sister here in the area whom he rarely sees. I have friends here but know that I could always come out to visit and that I can always make a new bunch of friends as well. We could sell our home and pay for a new home in Texas plus put a bunch of money in the bank and live on retirement income. I've moved to this area over 30 years ago (originally from the mid-west) and think it would be nice to end up back in my own kind of territory. Plus, it would be nice to have some family around to help me if/when I needed it.
Is this terribly selfish of me?
Be honest - won't hurt my feelings.


Gotta go out now to meet my knitting friends. Thanks in advance for all of your thoughts.

[greatauntoftriplets]

1. The question is....

does your husband share your feelings? Have you discussed this with him?

[Bullwinkle925]

4. therein lies the problem - he doesn't want to go.

and i can't stand staying here. sigh.

[crispini]

2. Well, financially speaking, it makes sense,

because -- and this is just me talkin' outta my ass -- if you're in a place where real estate values are that high, now would be a good time to profit take. Also some analysts are starting to say that the real estate market is in a bubble.

Are you afraid that your DH won't like it? What are his thoughts on the matter?

[Bullwinkle925]

8. I think he's afraid to leave his doctor here - but I know that we can

find an equally talented doctor there. My brother-in-law (whom you met - Depose-the-Boy-King's hubby) works in the medical field there and would help me find appropriate and adequate care. I think my husband is afraid to leave what he 'knows' and doesn't look forward to the work it takes to get the house ready to sell and get things packed to move.

[crispini]

10. oh, D'OH, you're Bullwinkle...

I forget this stuff. Well, why not come for a trial visit when Depose the Boy King gets settled in? You could meet doctors, tour the city, that kind of thing. Then he might be able to "see it" better. You have the advantage of DU -- we can tell you all the neat neighborhoods and fun places to check out that can make even Texas tempting to a Californian. ;) I'm telling you, White Rock Lake's a gem...

[Bullwinkle925]

11. I'm going to DTBK's graduation, then we are heading to TX.

afterwards. I'll be there for a week and tried to get my hubby to fly there to spend a few days but he won't.

[crispini]

13. Aw. Well, that's tough then...

the only suggestion I can make is to figure out a plan which will make it seem easy as possible, i.e. you'll hire the movers, have a packing company, etc.

It's tough, I can totally see your wanting to be near family and it does seem hard when he's not that close to his fam. People can be very resistant to change....

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

3. California is more expensive than Texas

but Texas provides less care for the disabled...I wouldn't do it but I don't have your situation

[sparky_in_ma]

5. Not selfish at all

If he isn't close to his family, and you can save money, it sounds like a winning solution.:thumbsup:

[Bunny]

6. Is his condition terminal?

Is he expected to eventually die from this, and if so, how much time does he have? It may be nice to allow him to live his final years in familiar surroundings. You could then make your move after he passes.

On the other hand, if he's not terminal, but will worsen, it would be nice for you as his caregiver to have your family to help you.

Sorry I can't be of any more help.

[Bullwinkle925]

9. That's a difficult question to answer.......

the Dr. told me 3 years ago that he thought he had 3-6 mo. He's still upright and out playing golf! That guy is amazing - he's like the energizer bunny. Of course, I didn't tell him what his Dr. told me because he would then do what he thought was expected of him!!
My husband is 20 yrs. older than I am, so we have that 'age' thing going on as well - he's very stubborn and hard-headed. I would love for us to live in a nice neighborhood and not have to worry too much about finances. He can't see that reasoning.
It probably has to do with his fears of any kind of change.

[Bunny]

12. You're both looking for security in a difficult time.

To him, that means staying in his home area, with his doctors and others around him. If he's facing death, that would be pretty important, I'd think.

You are facing duties as a caregiver, which is stressful itself. You'd like to have some financial security and familial support as you go through it.

Neither of you is wrong in your wishes. I wish there was a way to reach a compromise so you could both have what you want. :hug:

[Bullwinkle925]

15. Thanks, Bunny.

You're probably correct. We both want security - but in our own
fashion it seems. Don't know how it will play out. Just wish we both could be happy.

[Catherine Vincent]

7. You don't want to come to Texas. We're baaaad!

Seriously, I think your idea sounds good. It seem like you guys would be better off financially if you did move. Give it time, maybe your hubby will change his mind.

[MsConduct]

14. Since you've put in 30 yrs there, I say it's your turn now. JMHO n/t