Jokes

[Lady Freedom]

worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. *lol*

[underpants]

2. Ghandi was once asked what he thought of Western Civilization

Ghandi said, "I think it is a good idea"

[Lady Freedom]

3. ZEN KOAN

ZEN KOAN

Bell Teacher

A new student approached the Zen master and asked how he should prepare himself for his training. "Think of me a bell," the master explained. "Give me a soft tap, and you will get a tiny ping. Strike hard, and you'll receive a loud, resounding peal."


People's reactions to this story:

"You get out of something what you put into it."

"The more you try, the more a good teacher will help."

"The more students needs a teacher, the more the good teacher will be there for them."

"Be careful what you ask for. The universe may just provide you with what you seek."

"You can think of the master as life. You get out what you put in. If you look for and are really open to beauty and happiness, they are everywhere. If you huddle miserably somewhere, it will all pass you by without you're even noticing."

"Sounds like the master is saying pay me a lot, and I will help you a lot; pay me little, and that's what I'll give you in return."

"Give and you shall receive."

"I think the teacher was warning the student that if he is struck he will strike back with equal force."

"All the student needs to know is within himself. The master will guide him to that knowledge by reflecting the thoughts, feelings, and questions that the student puts out to him."

"When I become a teacher, I'll use this story when a student questions my purpose or integrity."

[LynzM]

6. I like some of those

Zen Koans drive me crazy, though, in general. My husband loves them, me, I just get frustrated. I know, says something about me...

[CO Liberal]

4. What's The Difference Between Michael Jackson and a Shopping Bag?

One is made of white plastic, and is dangerous around small children. The other is used to carry groceries.

[Arkana]

8. What do Michael Jackson and K-Mart have in common?

Boys' pants are half off. *dons flameproof undies*

[Lady Freedom]

5. Funny Sentences

1. A backward poet writes inverse.
2. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
3. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.
4. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
5. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

[Squeech]

7. Once upon a time

A Buddhist monk went up to a hot dog vendor and said, "Make me one with everything."

But wait, there's more! The hot dog vendor gave the monk a hot dog with mustard, relish, ketchup, onions, sauerkraut and chili.

The monk gave the vendor a $20 bill.

The vendor pocketed the $20.

The monk said, "Don't I get any change?"

The hot dog vendor said, "Change comes from within."