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Edited on Thu Apr-07-05 11:02 AM by progmom
...Compiled by Dick Wilson, a sound mixer who worked on "The
Lawrence Welk Show" for more than three decades
"Now the band will play a medley of tunes from World War Eye ."
During an audience warm-up: "I just wrote a book, but don't go out and buy it yet, because I don't think it's finished yet."
"There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them."
Introducing a guest performer: "His act may start out slow, but it tapers off."
When an audience was not responding with generous applause: "I see we have a few sourpussies in the group tonight."
Referring to rock music: "That's not my cup of dish."
"How do you spell conductor after C-U-N?"
To the band just before going on the air: "Boys, look like you're having fun, but don't have any."
"I just had an idea that went right over my head."
Introducing the high potentate at a Shriner's convention: "Ladies and
Gentlemen, your high totem pole."
To his stand-in: "Whenever you have a minute I'd like to see you right
now."
To a band member: "I never realized that your hair was so close to your head before."
To a performer who apologized for being late and said he had no excuse: "That's no excuse."
About a vocalist who auditioned: "She has a nice voice, but she looks a little bit too much like Eleanor Roosevelt."
To the dress rehearsal audience about the use of a phony turkey on the set of a Thanksgiving show: "Don't worry, folks, this will be a real turkey when it gets on the air."
To the person who wrote his cue cards: "Don't use the word 'dat' (that).. I can say 'dis' (this), but I can't say 'dat' (that)."
"I just let it in one ear and out the top of my head."
When a group of people came in to discuss problems in the band: "You know, when people band together, it causes a house divided."
Referring to a singing duo he first heard perform at a nightclub: "They were so good, I could hardly wait to get out of there."
When he found the Hollywood Palace stage to be too small to accommodate the whole band: "Fire four feet of the band."
"I'm keeping perfect time. I"ll get my barometer (metronome) and prove it."
Then there was the time he accused a vocal group of being out of lip-sync when they were singing live..
"Boys, if you don't stick together, how do you expect me to follow you-ah?"
"You know, it's a long world."
To the pianist who was rehearsing: "Why do you do that? You play too many notes already."
"That's what really broke the camel's straw."
After a jet plane flew over and disrupted rehearsal: "You know, those jet planes make masonic booms."
To the accordionist: "You go over there and play the accordion. I'll stay here and beat off the band."
Asking the guitarist to accompany a guest vocalist: "Get behind her over here, and give her a nice feel."
Inviting the Wisconsin Cheese Queen in the audience to come up on stage and dance: "Come up here and let us see you cut the cheese."
After a production number in which the Champagne Lady sang of unrequited love: "Yes, she sure looks like a woman who has been tampered with."
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