Help-Appreciate Some Input

[Liberalynn]

I am in a quandry here and keep butting up against this issue in my life and know others do as well.

The "life experts" like Dr. Phil and the pscyological community wil always encourage you to express your feelings and that if you state right up front that it is only your feelings and your opinion that others won't get hurt, ticked off, etc because after all we are all supposed to be entitled to our own right?

Yet somehow it invariably seems to end up that you can't even express your opinion even on the simplest of matters without either getting told your mean for feeling that way, or having someone saying things to insult your sanity or intelligence.

Then someone else often ends up stepping in and saying gee maybe you shouldn't say that, I know you have a right to feel the way you do , but so and so is sensitive and might get hurt by it, so maybe it would be best if you just didn't talk about it.

I guess one of my questions is then why do we bother saying we are all entitled to our feelings when in reality society dosen't really accept that in practice?

And how in the heck do we expect to solve anything if we are constantly being censored or having to water down our agruments so as not to offend anyone which is practically impossilbe to do any way. I mean if we can't even handle it on the little issues that really don't matter, how do we handle it on what does matter? And what is left to talk about the weather and even then.

"Lord I hate the snow."
"That's not fair. I like to ski. You sun people are far too selfish."

I know Political Correctness started as a way to stop truly cruel hate speech and I agreed with that goal then and now. It's just it seems to be spreading into every thing we say, so much that I never know what to say anymore.

I tell you the position of mute Hermit is looking better and better.

Seriously though any thoughts, input, or advice?

[MrModerate]

1. Manage the emotional side of arguments . . .

Arguing about feelings is like wrestling with jell-o: it leaves your hands sticky.

Argue/discuss using facts and opinions (not the same thing as emotions).

Feel free to use value judgments, and when challenged, point out that since you have values, you're perfectly comfortable making judgments based on them.

Resist the urge to go ad hominem on people; they'll come back at you and your discussion will go downhill quickly.

Realize that most people are somewhat sensitive about something (and thank heavens, actually), acknowledge their sensitivity, and avoid kicking their bruises.

And stuff like that.

[Liberalynn]

2. That's good advice

trying to center more on the opinion verses the emotional feeling side of it. I tend to let the passionate side of my nature towards topics lead the way altough I have always tried to temper it with, this is only my opinion and I'm not demanding that anyone share it, but simply acknowledge it.

I also do try to be careful about hitting sensitive spots but sometimes I manage to tread on one without intention.

[MrModerate]

3. I spend a lot of my professional life in meetings . . .

Some of which are pretty high stakes (safety and money being the two biggest issues), and managing passions while being able to express and defend your opinions is critical to succeeding. Being prepared is also crucial. The more you know (and have assimilated the knowledge so it informs any line of argument you might take) the more you can make use of "sweet reason" to get people to where you want them to be.

[faithnotgreed]

4. good advice... communication is crucial/ and the more informed

and rational and caring etc that you are in whatever the communication is the better the response will be

[Liberalynn]

5. I'm working on the patience

element as well and not trying not to rush or force the other person into acknowledging my side of a debate. I do need to balance the caring with the rational part better than I have been doing.

Thank you for the input. :)

[faithnotgreed]

6. oh we are ALL working on the patience! its great that you are

reaching out and asking for feedback. thats a wonderful thing to be so open while also admitting faults and inconsistencies
being human in other words

best wishes you clearly are on the right path