Straight men/women: would it bother you if people thought you were gay?

[Pale Blue Dot]

Just wondering because I have posted a number of times in support of gay rights, and I have always wondered if people would automatically assume I was gay.

No one knows who you are, so please answer honestly.

[Ellen Forradalom]

1. Oh, it's happened

Once I was talking to a co-worker about my husband and child, and he screwed up his face and said quizzically, "I thought you were a lesbian?" "Sorry to disappoint," I said.

[Pale Blue Dot]

3. I've been hit on by more gay men than by women

It used to bother me, but now I find it kind of flattering.

[SweetZombieJesus]

4. Can you add "Only after it was assumed more than five times by people upon

meeting you." Then it started to bother me, before that I didn't even think about it. And it doesn't bother me in a sense that it makes me question my sexuality, just in a way that it makes me even more confused about how women think because they're always the ones who assume I'm gay upon meeting me. Am I just not expressing myself monosyllabically in between bursts of flatulence enough, or what?

[Pale Blue Dot]

5. LOL

Stop asking for directions, then maybe they'll see you for who you really are.

[southerngirlwriter]

6. Happens ALL the time.....

I am a 25 year old female. I wear my hair short, because I like it that way and it takes very little time to "fix it" in the mornings. I refuse to wear makeup because I find it stupid and insulting. God gave me a perfectly interesting-looking face. (Not beautiful; not ugly.) I like jeans and sneakers, not dresses.

Just the above -- no more than that -- is more than enough for almost everyone to assume I'm a lesbian when they first meet me.

However, I am VERY straight. LOL. It only bothers me on very rare occasions -- when there's a young man I would be interested in, and he assumes I'm a lesbian, and I have to try to think of a way to tell him I'm not without sounding like a homophobe. Except for those rare occasions (I am perfectly happy to be unattached), it doesn't bother me at all.

[alwynsw]

2. You sound like my wife 25 years ago

...but then, what do you expect a geology type to do, even after she started teaching. Armani and shale don't mix.

Who needs makeup? When the lights go out, the only thing that matters is who bathed. (Now look past the obvious for the true meaning.)

[nemo137]

7. a bit, yeah.

just because i'm not, you know? it's one of those things where people make a blind assumption, and that's not one of my favorite things in the world. it's the same deal if someone assumes that i'm jewish or that i like football, or someother wrong assumption.

[ProudGerman]

8. I voted yes

It would bother me, but probably wouldn't if I was married or in a very serious relationship. If people thought I was gay, I would probably get hit on by gay men since they would think I was available to them. That would be an extremely awkward position and one I've never dealt with.

I just don't like people assuming I'm things I'm not. Hell, I don't like people assuming, if you're wondering just ask me.

[Hogarth]

9. Why should it bother me what anyone thinks ...

... as long as I get to spend my life with the lady I love? We know who we are, and that's all that matters.

Vote Quimby!

[david_vincent]

10. It's happened before and it's still happening

I've had people who weren't interested in hitting on me assume that I'm gay, for no discernible reason, and on the other hand, I've been hit on by men. In fact, I was hit on in the supermarket last week. It just makes me laugh! And, I guess, in a way I feel a bit flattered, too. After all, I haven't been hit on by a woman in ten years.

[SweetZombieJesus]

14. It's because you use words like "discernible" in the right context

Apparently, we member carrying members should all talk like Sylvester Stallone or some other knuckle dragging simian lookalike.

On the other hand, it does open me up to meeting a lot of really nice bisexual girls. Their assumption that I'm a friend of Dorothy has worked to my advantage on occasion.

[SweetZombieJesus]

15. It's because you use words like "discernible" in the right context

Apparently, we member carrying members should all talk like Sylvester Stallone or some other knuckle dragging simian lookalike.

On the other hand, it does open me up to meeting a lot of really nice bisexual girls. Their assumption that I'm a friend of Dorothy has worked to my advantage on occasion.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

11. Well, it already happens all the time...

Let's see, I live in San Francisco, am 43, never married/no children, I own and use power tools (and I'm not talking about a vibrator), I leave my grey hair as it is, I am still a tomboy, and my clothing is oftentimes somewhere around soft butch....

One of these days I'll just get a t-shirt that says "I'm not a lesbian, I just dress like one". :)

If what people thought of me was bothersome, I'd be up shit creek.

Forgot to add that I have three cats - that just about seals it!

[Philosophy]

12. I'm way to much of a slob

for anyone to mistake me for being gay.

[Feanorcurufinwe]

13. It would bother me if a woman I was attracted to thought so.

Other than that, no.

[RandomKoolzip]

16. Hell no! I intentionally make people think I'm gay (I'm married).

I love making people, especially ignorant rednecks, think that I'm gay. Makes interpersonal communication a lot more interesting. Throws people off their guard, and is always good for a laugh when you tell 'em the truth. Unfortunately, I have no sense of style in dress, so the likelihood of strangers assuming I'm gay is just above nil...But it has happened!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

17. It bothers me if people ~assume~ I'm anything...

If someone didn't know, I'd hope they'd ask. I wouldn't be offended if someone asked.

[NightTrain]

18. Not at all, particularly since...

...I did a bit of, shall we say, experimenting when I was in college.

[w13rd0]

19. I find it far more irritating...

...that people assume I'm straight...

[Piperay]

20. No, though no one

ever has I guess because I am a real girly girl looking female with long hair and I usually wear short skirts. I would just laugh if anyone did make that assumption though.

[REP]

21. "Bother" Isn't the Right Word

I don't care at all if someone thinks I'm gay ... unless I'm out for dinner with a friend and the friend thinks we're on a date. This really did happen, and I wasn't bothered that she thought I was gay; I was bothered that I didn't notice that she thought we were dating!

As for the original poster, I have no idea if you're gay or not.

[Dogmudgeon]

22. They have.

It doesn't.

Although once, I was nearly killed by a blind-drunk homophobe who got it in his tiny mullet-adorned head that I was a gay man checking him out. He attacked me in front of about a dozen people, and had to beat a hasty retreat from my friends.

If you're a man and you don't swagger, lots of idiots will think you're gay. I'm glad I don't have to live with their brains!

--bkl

[FlyByNight]

23. Not at all

I think it's kinda funny actually. I'm in my 30s and I'm still (terminally?) single. I've heard whispers in the workplace presently and in previous jobs, but it doesn't bother me. Those who know me, know I like women.

[IggleDoer]

24. As long as my wife knows better, nothing else counts.

What goes on in the sanctity of the bedroom is personal business. Let 'em think what they like.

[Iverson]

25. why the hell should I care?

I just can't see my sexuality as being anyone's damn business except mine and my wife's. Case in point: about a year and a half ago, I wore a rainbow triangle sticker to class to show solidarity with GLB students on campus (it was some special day for it), and some of my students couldn't conceal odd or uncomprehending looks, and you know? ...

(drum roll)

... that's their problem. My sexuality is not up for public debate or scrutiny.

Finnfan, I recommend not being invested in what the great public audience thinks.

[maxanne]

26. it happens all the time

outspoken feminists who refuse to kowtow are often assumed to be "dykes" - to use the preferred term of the local redneck population.

I don't care. I do find it amazing that we are so obsessed with the sexuality of others - and I find it sorry that outspoken women are so frequently stereotyped. What does my big mouth have to do with my sexuality? :eyes:

[Kamika]

27. heh

nevermind.. too easy :p

[The Backlash Cometh]

28. Everybody wants to be accepted for who they are.

So I'm not sure that the poll will give you the kind of response you're looking for.

[Nikia]

29. My mother-in-law

She has hinted that she thinks that I am really a lesbian. Most just have to do with relating how the lesbians she knew in college were in some way like me. Another time, my husband's fathre made the statement "I have no problem with gays marrying, I'm just glad that my son didn't marry one." She said "How do we know he didn't?" I think she believes that because she believes that it is correct to be a stereotypical female. Since I don't really like shopping, shoes, or decorating, she thinks that there is something wrong with me. She also thinks that there is something wrong that I don't feel completely responsible for all the household chores, don't mind that I make more than my husband, and value my intelligence and achievemnets. Her answer is that I must really be a lesbian. My plan, of course, is to stay with my husband until they die (They were in their later thirties when my husband was born and both have several health problems.). Then I will get a divorce and take their money and find a woman to be with. That is how she thinks about me. I try not to worry about what she thinks. I think that she is just bitter because she conformed to her mother-in-law's wishes and I have made no effort to be how she wants me to be.

[Madrone]

30. Nope - it's happened often.

And at one point I had very short hair and if they didn't think I was a lesbian they though I was a guy.

A good friend of mine came out to her good friends a few years ago (in her mid 40s) as bi. She was telling me a few weeks ago that she told an older lady she helps out with shopping and stuff - she had something to tell the lady (about a situation with a man) and before she could get it out the lady said "Your a lesbian!".

Megan told her no, but she WAS bi, but had only ever been with one woman. The older lady IMMEDIATELY exclaimed "Jennifer!" - lol Nope, wasn't me!

I think people sometimes think that because I usually do not have a boyfriend, I'm happy by myself, I'm tomboyish and far from "girly". I am also opinionated and not afraid to speak how I feel, even if unpopular, although I am usually very diplomatic. I also not only do not have a problem with homosexuality, it doesn't "gross me out" at ALL - and I've found that while many people don't have a problem with other people being gay, the thought of sex acts being performed between members of their own gender often makes them uncomfortable.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

31. It's something that never-married women over 40

have to deal with all the time.

In times past, before homosexuality was a socially acceptable topic of conversation, we would have been stereotyped as "old maids."

Now we're stereotyped as lesbians.

Echoing wwhat other posters have said, it is inconvenient when someone you're attracted to ignores your signals, and a long while later, you find out that it's because he thought you were a friendly lesbian!

However, I must admit that when I meet a never-married man over 40, I assume that he's gay unless proven otherwise, and I'm usually right, especially if he's in academia or the arts.

[youngred]

32. Nope

and in fact many people do. I've had people know me for 2-3 years and assume I'm gay.

So a guy can't be sensitive, well dressed, funny, like musicals and go in drag for fun on occasion without being gay? doesn't bother me. i find it amusing actually

[Meshuga]

33. when I was a kid, yes

But after growing up I learned not to mind.

[LWolf]

34. No.

It's happened.

I'm female. I don't do girlie things. I don't do hair color, curls, styles, perfume, stockings, dresses, jewelry, giggles, makeup, or fashion. I'm the ultimate tomboy, and always have been.

I don't show much emotion in public. I feel it, but I'm reserved about showing it.

I'm not afraid of anything. I have no physical fear.

I don't ask for help, and don't wait for people to open doors for me, etc. I buck my own hay, mow my own lawn, trim my own trees with my own chainsaw, stack my own firewood, etc. I do get my sons to help me lift things I can't do on my own. On edit, my son. My other son has a hernia and I can lift more than he can.


And I'm not gay.

Since I don't fit stereotypical women's roles or behaviors, it's a common mistake.

It doesn't bother me.

[VelmaD]

35. Like so many other women who answered...

I'm not particularly girly and still single in my 30s and loudly feminist. I'm also a member of a women's chorus. To top it off I have a bumper sticker on my car that says "Sorry I missed church. I was off practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian." and some people don't get that it's a joke - making fun of that great Pat Robertson comment about how feminists were "encouraging women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft and become lesbians". I saw the sticker and just couldn't resist.

It doesn't bother me when people assume I might be a lesbian in the sense that they think I have sex with girls (I haven't ruled that possibility out.) It does bother me that they think in stereotypes still in this day and age.

[alphafemale]

36. Hell. I'm a Unitarian. We actually had a seminar on this.

I know that sounds like a joke.

But, I'm not kidding.

It is interesting the looks you get if you are ambiguous in public.

Using terms like S.O. Things like that.

And how some straight folks feel the need to wear "straight not narrow" signs or some other label when supporting GLBT events.

I am proud to say that nearly ALL of the local democrats attended Savannah's Pride event.

I had atttended a local meeting Dem meeting a month earlier and said the event was family-oriented (no pun intended :D ) and they should come and show their support...but I doubt my single voice really had anything to do with it.

[Booberdawg]

37. No. It's none of my business what other people think of me

There are some things that would concern me about what people thought about me but this isn't one of them.

[oustemnow]

38. It really depends on who's doing the presuming

it used to happen to me a lot when I was younger (36 now, and living in California, where there's not as much guesswork to be done. plus--sniff--I'm just not as pretty as I used to be). The only time it bugged me was when it was bigots looking to pick a fight (yes, I've actually been "gay-bashed" as a straight man) and creepy old guys cruising me in their cars when I walked home late at night.

edited for typos; how embarraskin'!

[patdem]

39. In fact I, a straight woman, went to a gay bar and pretended to be a

gay man in drag, but no one believed me..I simply did not have ENOUGH makeup on and was NOT georgeous enough!! Imagine!!!

I have also hung out with lesbians and gay men. I have no problem if someone thinks I am a lesbian...why should I care????

[FloridaJudy]

40. Not in the least...

The only problem with taking an agressive pro-gay stance is that all my GLBT co-workers keep trying to fix me up with some "nice girl". They actually have pretty good taste; if I were in the least sexually interested in other women, these are the women I'd pick myself: bright, funny, and compassionate.

Alas, I'm hopelessly hetero, and still looking for a fellow human of the penile persuasion with these attributes.

[SOteric]

41. No, it doesn't bother me. I've been hit on by men and women.

I find it flattering, regardless of my interest in pursuing the 'invitation.'

[Skittles]

42. it happened a lot to me when I was in the Air Force

didn't bother me at all