I think my freeper sister is mentally ill.

[zanana]

My sister was here this weekend, helping me care for my Alzheimer's-stricken mother. (My sister believes that life begins at conception, whether through the love of a man and a woman, or rape, or incest.) As I was dispensing my mother's daily pills to be taken with breakfast, my sister said "Why don't you stop giving her those pills? They're just making her live longer." Apparently, my mother's illness is "hard" on her financially. A few minutes later, she told me that she worried about me all the time; that she was afraid that when I die, I'm going to hell. She added "and, you know, Zan, you don't have much time left, so you're going to have to "straighten out" fast. (I have heart disease). My reaction was "Get the f*ck out of my house"! Today, I'm wondering where that line is between religious fervor and mental illness. I was furious at her yesterday, but today I'm worried and sad. She never used to be a mean person, and it seems that her brain no longer "puts on the brakes" for her before she blurts out whatever is on her mind, no matter who she hurts. I'd like to talk to her husband to find out if he's concerned, too, but I don't know how to bring it up. (He's also right-wing and religious, but I can talk to him). What can I say? Any ideas, anybody?

[ChompySnack]

1. Tell her you love her

But that you don't agree with her. Tell her that if she wants you to respect her religious convictions that she should respect yours and that means not talking about it if she can't keep it civil.

You can't change her, nor should you. You should try to find a common ground between you and be in that place when you are with her. Life is short and family is the most important thing in life. With a sick mother your sister and you should really try to find a way to not impose yourselves on each other.

Easier said than done. Good luck Zan.

[JitterbugPerfume]

2. ya know zan,

I have family members I see as little of as possible. That is the ONLY way that I can continue to love them.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

3. My freeper mom used to do the same crap

I told her, you're my mom, I love you, but you're going to have to stop talking to me about stuff like that...It's rude, and I'm sick of playing your mother, telling you what's inappropriate and what's appropriate. Grow up. You're MY mom. Act like it. We now avoid all subjects that have to do with Religion, Premarital Sex, and all thinks Freeper. She spends more time with my dead father and sister than she cares to spend with me...I've accepted it and found surrogant parents. But We get along a lot better when she's not cycling. And I don't mean her period. I believe she is bipolar. If you knew her, you'd see it too, but she doesn't believe in therapy.
Duckie

[madrchsod]

4. so sis wants

you to kill your mom? she thinks you could kill your mom? if it were me i`d never speak to her again untill she honestly regrets what she said to you. your sister will claim she did not say any of this to her husband. you have been placed in a no win situation and you shouldn`t be. have no futher contact untill she changes her attitude ,if not say good bye. you don`t need the stress on your health. find someone else to help you with your mom when you need help,esp when your sister is over,she won`t say these things in front of a stranger...
i hope i`ve given you a few ideas on how to cope with your sister and your mom..

[asjr]

5. sister

Let me say I know what you are going through. My mother also had Alzheimer's disease. Anyone who has not had that burden simply can't understand the stress and anguish you are going through. You seem to be handling it as well as you can and I laud you for that. How old is your sister? Has her attitude changed markedly in recent days or has she always been this way to some extent? Talk to her husband. If you get no help from him there is not much you can do. She is not your problem in a sense because you are the main caretaker. It is not easy and may get worse. Your life has changed and adapting is the hardest thing in the world. This disease can wreck relationships like no other. You do what you think is best.

[Az]

6. For those without deep beliefs

fervant belief can seem akin to mental disorder. However it is simply that they have developed a world view dependent on a different understanding of reality.

Keep in mind that to a true believer death is not the negative you see it as. Religious belief can turn reality upside down (of course a believer would suggest that it was the nonbelievers view that is upside down). Boiled down to its essense they beleive (some of them anyway) that what happens to you after you die is better than what happens before. This can have troubling implications in numerous areas. Particularly when issues of protecting enviroment and life are taken in long term matters.

[acmavm]

7. This is a no-win situation. Believe me, I know. It always amazes me

that people like this can justify "aiding in" the demise of someone when it somehow affects their pocketbook, but will scream and yell to the high heavens when it comes to birth control.

I have a brother who is as selfish as anyone who ever walked the face of the earth. The only contribution that he can manage to make when there is a serious family problem is to come, pass his judgement on the situation, demand that everyone act as he wants, and then he slinks off into the distance to pat himself on the back. Example: we have a brother who has a sever problem with drugs. He also has a lot of mental problems left over from our childhood. He just cannot cope with life. He has been sponging off our Mom who is on a limited income (Social Security). Now, I agree that he shouldn't be asking her for cigarette money and staying at her apartment, but I also don't agree with what my idiot brother decided to do. He just put him out into the street with nowhere to go. And then he went home to his family and nice house feeling, I'm sure, smug and self-satisfied. The guy doesn't understand what families are for, we are supposed to help each other, especially the weakest ones. And as I write, my homeless brother is upstairs right now sleeping. I am trying to get him into rehab.

The funny thing about the one I call The Pope, at one time he was without a place to stay and I let him live with me and my ex for three years.

Some people are just selfish. They don't see life as being an obligation for the stronger of us to take care of the weaker. They see it as "what's in it for me, or what is it going to cost me." The best thing that you can do is totally avoid them. They will always view every situtation from the standpoint of "how does this benefit me?"

[Kamika]

8. Believe it or not she actually means well

She just forgot that everyone doesnt have same beliefs that she does.

Trust me I know about 20 persons like your sister. Just change subject as quick as you can.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

13. What's the difference between PEOPLE and PERSONS?

It always confuses me when people use the term persons...And yes, I know this is totally off topic.
Duckie

[jmm]

14. I always thought the difference was that

people refers to a group but persons refers to individuals that can be grouped together. You use people to emphasize that you're dealing with more than one person but use persons to emphasize that you're dealing with more than one individual.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

15. Thanks...

[zanana]

9. Thanks to everyone.

Everybody's suggestions made sense. I especially appreciate the responses from people who've "been there". Thanks again, folks!

[Ilsa]

10. Blurting stuff out like that

and not using judgment makes me wonder if your sister's brain is deteriorating. Her concern for your finances versus her mother's care has me concerned as well. I hope you've made arrangements for the care of your mom if you were predecease her from an accident or something.

I think that caring for your ill mom like that, especially someone with Alz, is one of the kindest, most Godlike things a person can do.

[morningglory]

11. Now this is an off the wall theory, but here goes.

Don't get me wrong, I love men and have many wonderful male friends who have a strong "feminine" side, that is to say they can talk about feelings and just plain talk about many things besides frikken Dale Earnhart (I am from the South). I even like masculine men who talk about hunting and football as long as they have a sense of humor. Here is the point: recently some study concluded that autism--a condition where the person can not bond or relate to others, can not empathize with others' feelings--more often occurs in males and may be just an extreme exageration of the "How 'bout them gators!!' brain deficiency that some males have. It got me to ruminating about this brain deficiency and seems like that is what is wrong with Republicans. I have always noticed that my most annoying repug "loved-ones" ONLY talk about how much money they save by buying a years-worth of rock candy at Sam's right after Christmas, and how they saved money...and saved money, and welfare chiselers, and so on with no empathy for any human beings. Just a thought. Hope this does not hurt anyone's feelings.

[radwriter0555]

12. Interesting to note both your relatives have mental health issues...

isn't it?

Yes, she is mentally ill. I hope she's not a caregiver for your mom. Ideas? Only keep her away from your mom. You might want to consider an assisted living situation since caring for her would be far too hard on you alone. But keep sis out of it. She's not all there, and there isn't anything you can do about it other than limit contact.