Dating a single mom....

[Fountain79]

Ok...I am really not sure if this is supposed to go here and if it is not then by all means delete it.

I'm in my mid-twenties and have just recently started seeing a single mother. I've never dated one before so it's all new to me. I have no idea how much the dad is in the picture...we really haven't discussed that part yet. I guess I am curious if you either are a single mom or you have dated a single mom, what's some advice you can give me on the situation. It's not a deterrent for me, I am just new to it that's all.

[WCGreen]

1. Dated a lot of single mom's.....

It's wierd, but just keep your eye on her......

[KitchenWitch]

2. I used to be a single mom

What do you want to know?

[Fountain79]

4. like...

What is the worst assumption that I can make about her situation? What should my role with the kid be?(if any) more questions later...

[KitchenWitch]

8. Assume nothing about her situation

She will tell you about it when she is ready.

As far as involvement with the child...run away fast, if she wants you to be very involved with the child right away.

If this works into a serious relationship, then you can re-evaluate (with her) what role to take with her child.

[WindRavenX]

3. how do you feel about the kid(s)?

NT

[Fountain79]

7. hmm

I do not know him too well, seems like a great kid. I like kids myself.

[xmas74]

5. I'm a single mom.

Talk to her about "sleeping" arraignments, time spent w/ the kids,time spent alone. Decide what you both are comfortable w/ and stick to it.

I have rarely dated since I had my child five years ago. I knew early on that there would be no "stayovers" unless it was very serious(pretty much a lead up to a ring on my finger). Sounds cold but I found it as a way to protect my child. I don't want her getting attached to someone unless I really know they will be there for the long haul.

[JimmyJazz]

6. Here's my two cents: Don't assume she's looking for a father

for her children. Chances are, they already have one. ;)

[LynneSin]

14. That's true but....

I've known a single mom who didn't like the current father and went 'shopping' around for a better one. She also votes republican and loves George Bush so you see the mindset going on here.

[JimmyJazz]

15. I didn't say that that doesn't happen. I'm just saying, it's best not to

go into a relationship with that assumption.

[LynneSin]

16. I know

:D

Just recalling an old friend.

[alcibiades_mystery]

9. Three words

Baby mama drama...

Just kidding. I'm sure it will be cool.

[grannylib]

10. I was a single mom of two girls when Hubby and I started dating...

he was VERY reluctant to tell his folks (devout Catholics, and here he is dating a divorced daughter of a Lutheran pastor, hee hee! Gave it away when he borrowed my car once to drive home for a visit, and forgot to take the car seats out of the back and stow them in the trunk!)
It did make him also a little reluctant to commit (for a while) but eventually, I think he fell in love with my kids as much as he did with me. And the thing with his folks? Not a problem. In fact, it got to the point where, if I didn't hunt down his dad within minutes of getting to their house, to greet him/give him a hug, he thought I was pissed at him! (I had to practically teach his family to hug/say 'I love you' - just wasn't part of their routine)
Not saying plan on marrying this woman, particularly if you have just started dating! (But my hubby and I knew on our first date that we were on to something...I was not sure if I thought we should run off to Timbuktu together, and leave all else behind, or if we should run off screaming in opposite directions...it was that strong a feeling! Almost scary...but we've been married 20 years, and together for 24, so it sure CAN work)

[xmas74]

12. I'm so happy to read this.

I'm a single mom and it gives me hope.
Also, my brother just married a single mom of two children yesterday (school age). People have made comments about their chances not being too good because of the "excess baggage" coming into the marriage. Now I can point out a couple of stories that I have heard(or read).

[raptor_rider]

11. I was a single mom

for 6 years. I tried to date after 4 years and the person that I picked to date was just a child, just after sex. Then I met my now husband, 2 years later. With most of the single mother's they are trying to find themselves after the "failed" relationship. Granted the realtionship that I had with my child's father was not the greatest in the world, (he has not seen her since she was 8 months old and he hurt her in that last visit.)
I was not looking for a father for my child, (she had enough father figures with her "papa" and her uncle) I was looking for someone for ME!! I decided to be selfish and so something for myself. Sometimes it takes one to be selfish to find happiness. My Husband and I knew that we were to be married after one month of being together. My child actually pick the wedding date. We are just having to wait out the state mandated time period before he can adopt her.
I found the perfect man and he has turned out to be the perfect father for my child. As the saying goes, "Anyone can be a Father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy!"

[SarahB]

13. First of all, she's a woman like any other woman.

She's been through more and is less likely to put up with assorted crap. If she's a good mom, she's protective of her children and their needs have to come first. Include her child when necessity dictates it without complaint, but make sure you have time alone together too. JimmyJazz gave great advice about the dad thing. I'm divorced with joint custody with my ex. They love their dad and my boyfriend (who's also a dad himself which helps) is great. He is funny and relaxed with them, but never is pushy, never insults their dad, shows respect to me at all times, and doesn't interfere with discipline stuff. In turn, I make sure they treat him as well as possible. My rule: you don't have to love him, but you do have to be respectful like you would a teacher or any other grown-up friend. It's not always easy (and we probably have a few challenges to face down the road), but he's patient and a good man.

[Robb]

17. Going on 15 months dating a single mom

Remember two things:

1) Mom is strong by necessity. Most likely she's not going to need some of the help you think. If she does, yes, run.

2) When it comes to the kiddo, Mom is always right. ;)