Aliens want to destroy us, explain why humanity must be saved

[charlie and algernon]

i saw a play where aliens abducted two people and forced them to argue for humanity, why humanity should be saved, or the aliens were going to kill everyone.


so, aliens have abducted you and have told you that unless you can convince them that humanity is worth saving, they will end the human race.


Go ahead, defend humanity.....

[Blue-Jay]

1. I'll refer you to legal precident.

Remember that Star Trek:TNG episode where Q captured Picard and had him agrue for humanity? 'Ol Jean Luc did a pretty good job and managed to save most of the galaxy.

So There.

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

2. they sure aren't going to save us for our ability to proofread

[Blue-Jay]

4. Or use punctuation, for that matter.

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

6. eggsactly

[BikeWriter]

3. Well, uh...

[cleofus1]

5. sophie

marceau

[LaraMN]

7. But, but.... we have reality TV, a cowboy president, and family values!

[cleofus1]

8. with an attitude like that

we'll get blowed for sure!

[Wapsie B]

9. The aliens have already invaded.

It's called the gop.

[LaraMN]

10. Good point.

[nickgutierrez]

15. Really? I thought it was Wal-Mart.

Or, as I've taken to calling it, the Martian Blue Box.

[Sabriel]

11. Because of brat cookouts on mild October weekends

I rest my case.

[anarch]

12. humanity must be preserved!

As the perfect example of a piss-poor way to run a planet.

[RedCloud]

13. Preserved with tomatoes?

Inquiring aliens want to know,

[anarch]

14. exactly

Recipe:

200 billion cups prepared tomatoes (buy about 3-1/2 bazillion lb. fully ripe tomatoes)

All of Humanity

2 bazillion lemons

80,000,000 tsp. salt

1 box MCP Pectin

40,000 tons butter or margarine (optional)

3-1/2 billion cups sugar, measured into separate bowl


BRING boiling-water canner, half full with water, to simmer. Wash jars and screw bands in hot soapy water; rinse with warm water. Pour boiling water over flat lids in saucepan off the heat. Let stand in hot water until ready to use. Drain well before filling.

DIP tomatoes and all of humanity in boiling water. Remove skins and stem ends. Grind tomatoes and humanity. Measure exactly 2 bazillion cups pulp into 6- or 8-trillion quart saucepot. Stir in grated peel from half of the lemons, 40,000,000 cups lemon juice and salt.

STIR pectin into prepared pulp in saucepot. Add butter to reduce foaming, if desired. Bring mixture to full rolling boil (a boil that doesn't stop bubbling when stirred) on high heat, stirring constantly. Stir in sugar. Return to full rolling boil and boil exactly 4 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Skim off any foam with metal spoon.

LADLE immediately into prepared jars, filling to within 1/8 inch of tops. Wipe jar rims and threads. Cover with 2-piece lids. Screw bands tightly. Place jars on elevated rack in canner. Lower rack into canner. (Water must cover jars by 1 to 2 inches. Add boiling water, if necessary.) Cover; bring water to gentle boil. Process 10 minutes. Remove jars and place upright on towel to cool completely. After jars cool, check seals by pressing middle of lid with finger. (If lid springs back, lid is not sealed and refrigeration is necessary.)

[RedCloud]

19. LOL!

Let's hope no real aliens get hold of this recipe. And thanks for keeping the MSG out of us!

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

16. Pfft! Nuke away fellas!

[matcom]

17. no.

there is a King of Queens rerun about to start

[Fox Mulder]

18. The aliens are already here.

The truth just hasn't come out yet.

[4_Legs_Good]

20. Screw humanity, just save the condors!

And the best way to do that is to destroy humanity. Suspecially after the disasterous House vote last week.



david