Are You Friends with your Ex?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

tell me why you are or why you arent...i mean important ex's...

[jpgray]

1. I bear them no ill will, but I don't call them up either (nt)

[anarch]

73. "I'm a well-wisher,

in that I don't wish them any specific harm."



but, yeah, I don't go out of my way to stay in touch, either.

[HEyHEY]

2. I try, but those peace bonds get expspensive after awhile

[skygazer]

3. Yes and no

I'm friends with my first husband and his wife. We married young and it didn't work. We were together for six years but we just drifted apart - no big blowups or anything. We always cared deeply about each other and I was delighted when he met the woman he's married to now - they've been together for 15 years and are two of my favorite people. When I visit their area, I stay with them - her friends think it's wierd but we're very close.

I hate my second husband.

[RetroLounge]

4. My ex-wife and I will remain friends always

as long as we never see each other again, never speak again, and our names are never mentioned in each other's presence, ever.

RL

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. lol!

thats very funny

[RetroLounge]

12. Yeah, I can laugh about it now

it's been 15 years. But Damn. She was one angry woman, and I gave her cause.

For some reason we thought after 5 years divorced, we should go on a date. Took about 5 minutes to realize I wanted to RUN LIKE HELL. While we were catching up, she said things like:

"When are you going to get a haircut, thought you would have grown up by now."

"When are you going to stop playing in bands, thought you would have grown up by now."

"When are you going to get other friends, thought you would have grown up by now."

"When are you going to <fill in the blank>, thought you would have grown up by now."

Yikes!

RL

[izzie]

14. Right on

I saw mine after 5 years at a place I had to go to and he is still doing the same old stuff. I also did the same old stuff. I let him do the talking and he was always right and I just sat and the children became just as up tight about the whole thing. Only my grandchildren made the day pretty good. :dunce:

[cssmall]

5. After all the shit I put them all through. I'm surprised Michelle even

wanted to be with me.

[undeterred]

6. Plural. Some yes, others no.

Have just gotten to the point with one where we are friends again. It feels good.

[flvegan]

7. Yup, couple of 'em.

But only the one's that didn't cheat on me or otherwise really do me wrong. No reason not to if you simply grow apart or disagree on one or two major, major things (like having kids, etc) and can't get past it.

[supernova]

8. No, he was emotionally abusive

and the best thing I ever did was remove him from my life.

You really can't be friends with someone who isn't an emotionally healthy person after they have been so rotten to you. Their continued presence in your life suggestes to them that i's OK. So, no.

[evlbstrd]

9. We are still cooperating in childrearing

(still one in high school), finances, etc. I provide health insurance. She still isn't on her own two feet, so I do what I can, and she is apprciative. There is even the occassional benefit (VERY occasional, and I expect that will cease), We get along better apart than when we were together.

[maveric]

11. We're "friendly". She claims we're friends, I feel differently.

She tries to spin our split as amicable and she's so happy that we are best friends, and tells all her friends that...
Friends dont do what she did to me and our kids.

[ET Awful]

13. I haven't seen or heard from her since 1999

If I did, it wouldn't be pretty.

As Jerry Garcia said "I didn't want to be mean about it, but didn't have one good word to say."

[bigwillq]

15. I am with my first important ex

But he lives in Palm Springs now

[Dukkha]

16. not a chance in Hell

I never want to see her face again unless it has an axe in it!

That's just one ex I harbor that much bitter resentment for. Others I'm indifferent. The last caused too much pain for me to see.

[redqueen]

64. An axe? That's a bit much, don't you think?

:(

[tigersumtin]

17. I try to get along

With her, because I believe it's in the better interest of our little girl. But Man, that Bitch has the Mark of The Beast on her body somewhere. She is the Devil.

[Oeditpus Rex]

18. Yup

But she lives about 40 miles from here now and we rarely see each other, even though she still works here. We IM pretty often, though.

We're still friends because we were friends from the start, and we were always a helluva team.

I really miss my friend, too. :cry:

[Left_Winger]

19. I have not seen or heard from her since 1989

and I don't care to; much less remember that time. All I will say is that we made a mistake: married out of lust, not love.

You can't imagine how many times I have kicked myself in the ass for how I was at that time.

Allow me some self-flagellation: :spank:

[sundog]

20. let me get a so first... then an ex... then i'll let ya know

:P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

24. hi

where have ya been?

[sundog]

26. hey pri

i was off shoe shopping... some of us move slower than others :P

[AccessGranted]

21. No Way....Had To Stay Away From Him

He was way too sexy and everytime I saw him all I could think about was ....uhhhh....well you know. So I had to stay completely away from him. He kept calling me. I finally moved and didn't tell him where I went.

[Left Is Write]

22. If by "ex" you mean the father of my oldest daughter...

the man with whom I had a three-year relationship in the mid-eighties, the answer would be somewhere in between yes and no.

I don't consider us "friends", exactly, but we do try to get along for our daughter's sake, and getting along has been much easier since his control-freak girlfriend of 12 years left him a couple of years ago. All of us (him, me, my daughter, my husband, my parents) breathed a sigh of relief when that happened - her control freak tendencies extended to all of us!

Anyway, he is difficult to understand, and I dislike many of his life choices. I would not choose to spend leisure time with him unless it was something connected to my daughter (her graduation or wedding, for example). However, I wish him no ill will and am always available to talk to him if he needs to. And sometimes he does.

[Pale Blue Dot]

23. Yes, as much as we can be.

We have a son together, and because of him, I still talk to him almost daily. Sometimes it can be hard, because everything that made the relationship fail is still there. However, since neither one of us has any interest in each other romantically anymore, we can almost always let those things go.

Of course, if it wasn't for my son, we probably wouldn't talk all that much.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

25. Yes.

Married 9 years, divorced for almost 20, we live about a mile apart, still friends, still house-sit for each other. Just couldn't be married to each other.

[khashka]

27. Absolutely

All but one of my exes (and they are legion) have become very close indispensible friends. I don't think love can really die, it just changes.

My last ex - at this point, no chance, although I would wish otherwise. But right now, I don't see it happening. Maybe with some distance? (Nah, probably not even then - and I have tried.)

But mostly, yeah.


Khash.

[redqueen]

66. I don't think love can really die, either.

:hi:

[LeftyMom]

28. I barely survived the break-up

So put me down as a no.

[China_cat]

29. I was until they died.

[GOPFighter]

35. Uhhh....

...I don't suppose you had anything to do with it.... ?

[China_cat]

52. No. One's next wife offed him

and my favorite ex died of a brain tumor.

[Nikia]

30. I don't know if any of my ex boyfriends are important

My husband and I started dating when we were 19. Those guys from high school and my first year of college, I don't ever see. Unfortunately, I wasn't friends with them even when I did see them. We were all immature then of course. Because of issues that I have/had, I wasn't the type to just end a relationship if there wasn't a very good reason. I suppose that is why I was not friends with any of them.

[sendero]

31. Friendly? Yes..

.... Friends, No.

She is the mother of my 2 kids so I maintain a friendly relationship with her.

But friends, no not really. That wouldn't be possible under the circumstances :)

[GOPFighter]

32. Yeah, we stayed close after the divorce

She is a good Mom and a good person. i respect her and wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her. We both tried to make it as easy as possible for the kids.

We saw the marriage wasn't working, and therapy didn't help much, so we split up before the anger and hate set in.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

38. yeah ...i think break ups should be timed

before the anger/hatred/resentment/childish behaviour set in

[Fox Mulder]

33. Hell no...

Why the hell would I still be friends with that...well...you know...

No bitterness here. :sarcasm:

[grannylib]

34. My ex was a "triple A husband."

Abusive
Alcoholic
Asshole

I am civil to him when I see him, for our daughter's sake, but now that she is an adult and can see him for what he is, I don't make too much pretense about the whole thing anymore. I don't go out of my way to badmouth him, but I refuse to cover up for him either.
By the time I left the sonofabitch, we had 1 cup and 1 saucer left from the stoneware pattern we had registered for; the rest had all been thrown at me. (I duck really well.)

[Doctor_J]

36. If I take the poll, will you post some more pics of yourself?

I voted yes

[La Lioness Priyanka]

37. i just posted on

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4132440&mesg_id=4132533

[ScreamingMeemie]

39. Click with care...because she's too darned cute!

:hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. thanks mrs grumpy

thats so sweet

[Doctor_J]

59. Umm, yes, thank you

Times like that I bet the cat is grateful for nine lives.

[NMDemDist2]

40. ex husbands? No. ex-boyfriends? mostly yes! n/t

[ScreamingMeemie]

41. No...he is restrained....

because of certain things he had said he wanted to "do to me" after I left. :hi:

[bridgit]

43. no...

i got tired of him kicking me in the ribs & breaking my fingers, i guess i'm just over reacting :shrug:

[HEAVYHEART]

44. Very good friends

I hated him when we were together. We got divorced and have joint custody of our two beautiful daughters. I consider him one of my best friends now.

[SarahB]

45. We have to be cordial because of the kids, but...

last I knew, he cannot be friends with me and has to act cold toward me because he still has feelings for me. Theme of my life (until now) was me trying and trying with men who pulled away from me emotionally and once I finally let go for my own sake (i.e. my own sanity), then they realize how wonderful I am. :eyes:

Sorry, I've seen the other side and it is good. :)

Sorry for the vent, but sometimes it has to happen.

[Breeze54]

46. hmmmm..... I still like my ex....

......boiled! :evilgrin:

[CanuckAmok]

47. No, because my ex is a complete sleazebucket and cumsponge.

Not only did she ruin our marriage by running off with a married man (also ruining his marriage in the process), but she purjured and fabricated evidence in our Division of Assets trial, cheating me out of about a half-million bucks in assets.

She's sub-human pondscum.

Does that answer your question to your satisfaction? :hi:

[hickman1937]

48. Used to be.

But then the kids grew up, and I became irresponsible. Stopped apologizing. I don't think he likes me as much now.

[tyedyeto]

49. I'd say friendly but not friends. n/t

[nemo137]

50. Yeah, She's still probably my best friend

there's just no way in all the cold blue hells we should be dating.

[Dastard Stepchild]

51. Yup....

All my break-ups were really, really amicable.

[hfojvt]

53. I am not even sure if I have an ex

I think you have to have an actual relationship before you can dump or be dumped and my relationships have never gone past a few dates.

[u4ic]

54. Yes, to a long term common law relationship

that was stuck, stale, dead in the water.

Some incredibly difficult things happened during our relationship - we did go for couples counselling, but it didn't work in the end.

We are now very good friends - we talk about 2-3x per week, and we also hang out together one night every 1-2 weeks.

He (and I, too) are also friends with his ex and her significant other.

I have no idea where all my other exes are, but they weren't as long term, nor as important to me.

[Shell Beau]

55. I remain on friendly terms with every ex I have.

I wouldn't say I am friends with them, but I speak when I see them.

[Roon]

56. I adore my ex-lover

I lived with my ex and his boyfriend for five years!

[HeeBGBz]

57. Friends with both my ex's

Not everyday chittychat kind of friends, but pleasant most of the time. We catch up with each others lives and stay in touch.

[LaraMN]

58. I'm scared of most of them.

:scared:

[Tari]

60. I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.

:evilgrin:

[jane_pippin]

61. Sorta. After 10 years he got in touch with me and I don't have a problem

trying to be friends with him, but it is awkward even after all of this time. I'm all for giving it a shot, but I don't know if it will turn into an actual friendship or if it will just be one of those intermittent "hey, haven't heard from you in a bit" email things.

I've got another one in town who I see out all the time but I'm not friends with. No animosity or anything. Just no interest in spending more than 2 minutes talking with him.

[dr.strangelove]

62. We tried for awhile, but we kept having drunk sex

It was college and we were not very good for each other. She was my "high school sweetheart" and we dated for about 4 years until we called it quits. Then we got together on several drunk nights over the next two years, each time vowing to never let it happen again. It was not healthy for either of us.

Then, after college, we both met other people, whom we both eventually married. I last saw her at my father's funeral and she is doing very well with her family.

It was too hard to be friends with someone I cared for in that manner. Our sexual attraction kept getting in the way. Also, we were very young, and when we were 22, sex was probably the most important thing in our lives. I imagine some others can do it, especially if it happens at an older stage in life.

[lcbart]

63. Both of them...

are obnoxious biatches.... Wait a minute, What does that say about me?

[redqueen]

65. Some yes, some no.

The two best ones, yes. One I'd like to but... I'm not sure what.

One only complained when I talked to him again, and he was rotten to me, so it doesn't bother me that we're not friends. :)

[TransitJohn]

67. Had to vote yes

But it's taken a lot of work, on both of our parts. Still, she gets the credit for inspiring me to write the funniest joke I ever wrote. "I look at marriage like I look at the chicken pox: I've had it once, and shouldn't get it again."

[bicentennial_baby]

68. yes indeed

great friends...we were best friends for 9 years before we were 'together' for 5, and you can't kill a relationship like ours, it's deep and strong, even if we're just friends again. it'll be a lifelong thing. :)

[Trigger Hippie]

69. Yes, I am still friends with my longest term ex.

I probably shouldn't be though. It makes it tough to move on properly. Which is probably why I haven't had a long term boyfriend since.

[NNadir]

74. Of course for the deep philosophical side, a word from the Supremes.

You Keep Me Hanging On

Set me free, why don't you babe
Get out my life
Why don't you babe
Cos you really don't want me
You just keep me hanging on
No you really don't need me
You just keep me hanging on

Why do you keep coming around
Playing with my heart
Why don't you get out of my life
And let me make a new start
Let me get over you
The way you've gotten over me, yeah

Set me free why don't you babe
Get out my life
Why don't you babe
Cos you really don't want me
You just keep me hanging on
No you really don't need me
You just keep me hanging on

You said although we broke up
We could still be friends
But how can we still be friends
When seeing you only breaks my heart again
There aint nothing I can do about it

You know I need love
(Set me free why don't you babe)
Talking bout love
(Get out my life why don't you babe)

Cos you really don't want me
You just keep me hanging on
Get out my life why don't you babe
Get out my life why don't you babe
Get out my life why don't you babe
Get out my life why don't you babe, yeah

In the realms of philosophical inquiry and investigation many other workers have advanced commentaries echoing the original proposition put forth put forth by the Holland-Dozier-Holland wing of the post interactionist school of what has come to be known in many academic circles, as the Detroitist Movement, or as interpreted in many institutions, the Motownist interpretation. Many of these original concepts were widely popularized by Ross, Ballard and Wilson in their seminal epistolary work that is often translated, in a kind of Nietzschean juxtaposition, as "The Supremes." This school of thought received further famous interpretation in other schools, notably, in some works produced in a less well known venues on the East Coast of the United States, works by metaphysicians of various stripes, including those represented by the "Vanilla Fudge Refinement." The Vanilla Fudge Refinement remains even today perhaps the best known of these modified embodiments of the original philosophical underpinnings of this line of reasoning.

However less recognized these various morphologically similar conceptions have become in recent years - given the decline of the Neomarxist Freudian interpretations and the emphasis on physical manifestations of reality as opposed to the spiritual, the original ramifications of the Detroitists remains an important milestone in the development of the intellectual matrix that forms the inquiry into both the phenomenological and noumenal existential state of what in common public parlance is known as "getting over it," or "moving on."

[Trigger Hippie]

75. Thank you for the insight.

:)

The Vanilla Fudge version rocks. :thumbsup:

[NNadir]

76. It does indeed.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

70. Nope, nope and nope....

They have seen me naked and know my darkest secrets. Having them around makes me very, very nervous and deeply uncomfortable. :scared:

If I run into one I'll be pleasant, but I generally can't wait to get away from them.

[NNadir]

71. It's been twenty years since I dated anyone but my wife.

I had lots of serious relationships before then - I married in my thirties - but to be honest, I have no idea where any of those people are now.

Looking back, they were all nice women with many attractive attributes, but for one reason or another, probably more having to do with me than with them, it just didn't work out.

I appreciate all those women for helping me learn how to be ready for the big one, my wife. I certainly have no animosity toward any of them; but on the other hand, I would never dream of seeking any of them out. I mean, if I ran into one by accident, I would certainly be nice, but hey, that was all lifetimes ago. I'm sure I don't know anything at all about who they are now. Shit, some of them might have even turned into Republicans!

I did have a few former lovers contact me many years after we split up. One contacted me twice. The first time the first of these - my high school girlfriend - contacted me (by letter), I wrote her back, nothing romantic but "hey, how are you doing?" kind of stuff. I didn't let it go too far. The second time the same woman sought me out through a friend's mother - I was dating my future wife - I just let it slide and pretended I didn't get the message.

Another woman who contacted me actually came to my house and actually took off her clothes when I let her in to talk. (This actually happened - weird but true.) That was too much. Temptations of the flesh aside, I kind of had to ask her to leave. There was no reason that what was wrong before to suddenly get better.

A third woman contacted me after she was married to someone else. I tried being friendly but she clearly was seeking an extramarital affair. I don't go there now, and I didn't when I was single either.

Well, I did go there one time, a rare one night stand when I was very, very, very drunk - with the married cousin of one of my best friends at the time. When I woke up and realized what I'd done, I felt really really bad about it. She sent me letters once in a while for a couple of years, but I kept those contacts that I had with her entirely platonic ever after.

After we got married, my wife got a long and very, very strange letter from an ex-boyfriend through my mother-in-law. (My wife dumped him when she found out he was married.) It was about 15 pages of pining and bad, bad, bad doggerel, the horrible Haikus I call them. It was a little scary actually since we worried about the guy becoming a stalker or something, but nothing came of it.

My wife's last boyfriend before she married me came to visit us once. He flew across the country and said he just wanted to drop by. He wanted to know if she was happy. I probably devastated him by being really, really, really nice to him. We never heard from him again.

[jus_the_facts]

72. Yes I am...in fact he's livin' with me again...sigh.....

...yet we're only friends...I left him last year as I was sick and tired of bein' roommates and nothin' more....he lost his job and his unemployment had run out and as a result he got evicted so bein' the soft hearted person I am...I let him move in with me...he's said we'd work on our relationship but nothin' has changed in the four months he's been livin' here except he's now workin' again...we're obviously goin' to remain just friends and roommates apparently....here we were in happier times.... :(

[no name no slogan]

77. No I'm not, but I bear them no ill will

not even my ex-wife, who's trying to screw me over financially.

I am still friendly with my exes, but I'm not "friends" with them. If I see them someplace (like at class reunions), I'll chat with them, but I don't call them up to go out or anything.

I don't have much in common with most of my exes-- hence the reason they're exes.