SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 01:35 AM
Original message |
My High School Psychology Teacher Said The Most Profound Thing In My Mind I've Ever Heard |
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"the person with the least interest in a relationship, controls the relationship"
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Fri Jan-25-08 01:38 AM
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1. My dear Southpawkicker... |
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And that is really true, unfortunately...
I am so sorry, sweetie...
:hug:
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 01:45 AM
Response to Reply #1 |
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just seems like I'm the one who is always on the more interest side
:hug:
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fizzgig
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Fri Jan-25-08 01:38 AM
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2. it's an incredibly hurtful and difficult truth |
SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 01:46 AM
Response to Reply #2 |
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more insightful than anything I learned in college or grad school for that matter.
human nature... we all want to be loved
:hug:
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lutefisk
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Fri Jan-25-08 03:04 AM
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5. This sounds suspiciously like another Clinton thread!...n/t |
SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 03:05 AM
Response to Reply #5 |
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hadn't thought of that one
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Fire Walk With Me
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Fri Jan-25-08 03:07 AM
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7. The same with the White House/Citizenry dynamic. |
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It's especially true regarding the televangelists who don't actually believe in God.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 03:08 AM
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8. it's prolly true about most things |
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less interest= less emotional investment= much easier to let go of the shit
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Fire Walk With Me
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Fri Jan-25-08 03:10 AM
Response to Reply #8 |
9. Yes, but also less capacity and chance for anything deep and meaningful |
SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 03:19 AM
Response to Reply #9 |
Mythsaje
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Fri Jan-25-08 03:19 AM
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10. Wow. I actually came up with that realization on my own about eight years ago... |
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Right after my ex and I broke up. It blew my mind.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 03:22 AM
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12. heh, i just wanna know |
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why i'm always the one with the most interest?
if this is true anyway
oh, btw, sent you an add request on myspace
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Mythsaje
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Fri Jan-25-08 03:36 AM
Response to Reply #12 |
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Why do some people fall harder in love than others? Why do some people have what amounts to a switch they can turn on and off and walk away without looking back? Why do some people become stalkers rather than knowing when to just stand where they were left, that nothing they can do will make a difference.
It's like being a playa in a way. Someone like that gets the guys or women because he or she doesn't CARE about any particular one. Members of the opposite sex are like trains--there will be another one along any minute. The most successful of these, on the other hand, can seem infinitely interested in one person AT THAT MOMENT, but, if rejected, can move on to the next without missing a beat.
I have no doubt that the one with the least interest holds the most power in a relationship. And that most relationships go through a period of struggle between the partners to determine who has dominance. The successful ones achieve a balance. The others...well, we all know what happens to them.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 05:09 AM
Response to Reply #13 |
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good points
a lot to think about too.
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dorkulon
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Fri Jan-25-08 05:12 AM
Response to Original message |
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One of the great tragedies of life is that the more desperately you want someone's attention, the less likely they are to give it to you, and the less you give a crap whether they like you or not, the more they like you.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 05:12 AM
Response to Reply #15 |
conscious evolution
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Fri Jan-25-08 08:49 AM
Response to Reply #15 |
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I had been chasing a young lady earlier this year with little success.When I gave up on her all of a sudden she changed her tune and started pursueing me. Go figure.
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dorkulon
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:28 AM
Response to Reply #17 |
49. Once you figure it out, it gets a lot easier. |
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My strategy for picking up women: do nothing. It's the most attractive thing you can do.
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conscious evolution
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:52 AM
Response to Reply #49 |
57. Yep.It drives them crazy. |
raccoon
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Fri Jan-25-08 08:50 AM
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18. Dr. Joy Brown said that too, but I don't know if it was original with her. |
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Edited on Fri Jan-25-08 08:51 AM by raccoon
Anyway, it is so true.
Edited to add 2nd paragraph.
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ThomCat
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Fri Jan-25-08 08:59 AM
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19. That's a very old, common understanding. |
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Edited on Fri Jan-25-08 09:02 AM by ThomCat
"The one who loves less is in control."
and, it's a power dynamic that sets one person up for a very nasty separation. You give and give and give, thinking you're giving to the relationship. But instead you're just appeasing someone to keep him/her there. When it falls apart, it hurts all that much more. :(
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 09:09 AM
Response to Reply #19 |
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I guess, hell I don't even know
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LostinVA
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Fri Jan-25-08 09:11 AM
Response to Original message |
SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 09:17 AM
Response to Reply #21 |
23. its been the story of my life |
crim son
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Fri Jan-25-08 09:15 AM
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22. Wow, that's a strange statement though I can see how it would apply. |
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It's going to bother me all day.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 09:18 AM
Response to Reply #22 |
24. it's haunted me for nearly 30 years now |
LynneSin
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Fri Jan-25-08 09:22 AM
Response to Original message |
25. That is so absol-fucking-lutely true |
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I've been in both positions and trust me - I'd rather be the one with the least interest because there was just so much less heartache involved.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:45 AM
Response to Reply #25 |
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well I have not
mebbe its time
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quip
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Fri Jan-25-08 09:26 AM
Response to Original message |
26. This is the theory behind playing hard to get. |
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Also with buying a car-- do not go into a dealership with your heart set on a particular make/model. You will be eaten alive by the salesmen.
Hang in there, buddy! :hug: :hi:
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:44 AM
Response to Reply #26 |
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I've been there both ways
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Jeff In Milwaukee
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Fri Jan-25-08 09:44 AM
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27. Can I quote Newt Gingrich with getting flamed? |
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He once said (and I'm paraphrasing) "It's amazing how much you can get accomplished when the other side knows that you're ready to walk away from the table."
He's a jerk, but an insightful jerk.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:44 AM
Response to Reply #27 |
keithjx
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:37 AM
Response to Original message |
28. Regardless of its truth, who wants control anyway? |
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Fundamental to loving someone (and being loved by them) is respecting their independence and NOT controlling them. The power struggle that so dominates many relationships is a clear sign of lack of respect, which manifests itself in all kinds of problematic ways in the relationship. (This is of course between consenting adults - parenting is different depending on the child's age.)
I agree that there's always some jockeying to figure out the lay of the land, but abused authority is toxic to a relationship. Those that habitually seek control and thereby remain emotional disinterested ultimately won't fully love someone and won't be capable of recognizing if they are being fully loved.
Yes it hurts more, but it's because you are capable of loving and feeling loved. Considering the alternative, don't go changing!!!
:hug: KJ
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:43 AM
Response to Reply #28 |
30. not even considering it |
DarkTirade
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:40 AM
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29. That is often very true. |
SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:43 AM
Response to Reply #29 |
La Lioness Priyanka
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:46 AM
Response to Original message |
35. that is both true and untrue. its true in a committed relationship, but arguably |
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Edited on Fri Jan-25-08 10:48 AM by lionesspriyanka
if you are perservering someone who isnt interested in you, its not all that true.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:53 AM
Response to Reply #35 |
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tells you they love you
then that they don't want to hear from you again
all in the same day
that kinda messes with your head ya know?
and yeah, i thought until last night that they were interested in me
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La Lioness Priyanka
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:56 AM
Response to Reply #39 |
45. no i didnt mean that specifically but people have accused me of leading them on and taking |
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the power away from them.
well regardless of how one cuts it, if you know you care about me more than i care about you, and you still stay, really whose fault is that?
or
power can be given and taken willingly is my point i guess.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:57 AM
Response to Reply #45 |
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only the heart (in my case) gives itself too freely I guess
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La Lioness Priyanka
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:00 AM
Response to Reply #46 |
48. well i dont want to turn this into a personal issue. i am not sure about your case |
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i was really talking about my life experiences.
some times one is a victim, sometimes one wants to play a victim.
sometimes we need to take ownership of our feelings.
i have been on both sides of this equation.
:shrug:
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:33 AM
Response to Reply #48 |
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then lets not turn it into one
:hi:
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alarimer
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:46 AM
Response to Original message |
36. I've certainly been there |
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on any number of occasions it seems I was always the more interested one.
If only I realized the truth of this earlier and ended it myself, I would have saved myself a lot of grief.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:54 AM
Response to Reply #36 |
41. I suppose I realized it |
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earlier
but deluded myself into believing it would be otherwise
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sasquatch
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:51 AM
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37. Well how does one get into a relationship and then dominate? |
DarkTirade
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:53 AM
Response to Reply #37 |
38. With whips and chains? |
SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:55 AM
Response to Reply #37 |
43. I'm not talking so much about that |
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although I'm sure that takes place too
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FloridaJudy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:54 AM
Response to Original message |
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That is so true.
Story of my life.
{sigh}
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:55 AM
Response to Reply #40 |
redqueen
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:56 AM
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 10:58 AM
Response to Reply #44 |
Ellen Forradalom
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:30 AM
Response to Original message |
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"L'un aime, l'autre se laisse aimer."
One loves, the other lets him (or her) self be loved.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:32 AM
Response to Reply #50 |
Rabrrrrrr
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:32 AM
Response to Original message |
52. Absolutely true - just like "A war isn't finished until the loser decides it's finished" |
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That's the problem with trying to have power over other people - it never really works, and is all an illusion.
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:33 AM
Response to Reply #52 |
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power and control are illusions
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supernova
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:38 AM
Response to Original message |
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and it's abusive if you think about it.
I really don't want a relationship like that, based on one who has more interest that the other. It means someone is debasing the other and that is a complete turn off to me.
I've only been out with the man I'm seeing a couple of times, it was fun and we have gotten along pretty well, but I'm about to end it because it could wind up to be one of those exact situations.
I would definitely much rather be alone than pine for something that won't ever happen.
Whatever happened to mutual caring and equality?
*Sigh*
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:40 AM
Response to Reply #55 |
56. I've asked that for several years |
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haven't felt it
thought i felt it recently in a relationship but i guess i was wrong
*sigh* is right
sucks
sorry about your situation
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supernova
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Fri Jan-25-08 11:54 AM
Response to Reply #56 |
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At least I can recognize it now and stop it before it gets out of hand.
I have several meetup groups that I belong to and I intend to be very busy with those. There are plenty of interesting and caring men who would be glad to spend time with me; I just have to find them. :-)
You too, SPK.
:hug:
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SPKrazy
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Fri Jan-25-08 12:04 PM
Response to Reply #58 |
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men who who are interesting and caring and would be glad to spend time with you
:hug:
thanks
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