Maybe I'll be a lifelong bachelor

[Droopy]

I've not had a steady girlfriend since I was 17 and not even the hint of sex since I was 22. I'm 35 now. While sex is good, I'm looking for someone who will be more of a companion. Do you know what I mean? I'm finally to a point in my life where I can make it on my own and I would just like to share it with someone. There's no more struggle, at least for the time being. I just want someone to be on my side. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know why I am writing this here. Maybe I just need to get it off of my chest.

[SPKrazy]

1. I understand exactly what you are saying

I think you will find someone when you aren't looking

that's when it seems to happen

when you aren't looking

:hi:

[Gormy Cuss]

2. Wise counsel, SPK.

That's when I found mine -- I sure as hell wasn't looking.

[SPKrazy]

4. yeah...

i wasn't looking

found someone

now i think i've lost them

:(

[Gormy Cuss]

24. Sometimes that's the way it goes...

:(
but at least you were found for a while.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

17. Excellent advice...

...and I'd add two things to it. First, it took me a long time in life to stop trying to impress people and simply be comfortable in my own skin. Second, the best (and most sustainable) relationships begin and grow in friendship...just being a decent person, taking a genuine interest in others and allowing them to reciprocate.

Combine that with not looking and that seems to be the winning formula.

:toast:

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. It's not so bad.

[Lex]

5. Do you get out and about to do various things

that would cause you to meet people? Not necessarily to look for a date, but just to be around others in a quasi-social setting and meet folks. In my town, there are book clubs through the library, hiking clubs, bingo players, and all sorts of stuff. Lots of that stuff is posted at the library on a big bulletin board.

:hug:

[Droopy]

9. Isolation is a problem

I work 11pm to 11am through the week. I have my weekends free, but that is the only time I have for meeting someone new. I have checked out a singles web site for my area. It's possible that I might meet someone there who shares my interests. But it sure is a difficulty. We will see what that web site reaps. I'll be sure to post that here.

[Lex]

13. Wow, that's quite a work-week. 11pm to 11am? Ouch.

I'd be exhausted by the time the weekend rolled around. I see that it would be a difficulty.

Take care of yourself. :hug:

[havocmom]

18. Take a class that interests you just for kicks

Ya never know but you might meet people who have similar interests and views.

Join some group that sounds interesting.

Look into volunteer opportunities that might benefit causes that are near and dear to you. Others with shared values are there.

Cruise the book store sections where your interests lay.

Relax and befriend yourself. Let your soul shine a bit.

If I sound like a mother, ah, well, you sound like you share my daughter's lament. It is tough and probably discouraging, but it is not hopeless. Havocdad was a life long bachelor and then I blew into his life. Life is good and companionship is wonderful.

[Roon]

6. I haven't had sex in over a year

and for a gay guy, that is a loooooong time. I am perfectly content with being single now and not being sexually active. I have a very cool roommate and that is what makes it bearable. My roommate is in jail until June the 1st, but I am paying full rent and keeping his room exactly the way he left it so he can come back. That is how much I dig him.

[blondie58]

7. hey, if you're going to adopt a cat- you're set for life

JK! although, you'll be amazed- women are really impressed with men who like cats.

Try some online dating- thats where I met my guy- met some other nice guys before him, although I did meet some weirdo's also.

I am a firm believer though, that you have to be happy with yourself and by yourself before you can bring anything to a relationship. We're all basically looking for the same thing- LOVe and someone to connect with. If you get involved with something be it volunteering or a class, chances are you'll meet someone that might be interesting.

Good luck!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

8. Just live the best life you possibly can

I'm not married, but I met all my past relationships in the course of doing things I enjoyed. One I met at a party given by friends I had met through my leisure pastimes.

The love of your life is not going to show up in your living room between you and the TV screen. Get out and do things you enjoy or learn to do new things, if the things you currently enjoy attract a largely male crowd. If you're not immediately attractive to women, forget the bar scene.

[Droopy]

10. Yeah I done forgot the bar scene a long time ago

I think I'm more attractive to those women who have been around the block a time or two and know a solid man from the pretty boys. I think I just need to be more outgoing. But it's hard to be that way when you been alone for so long.

[Tom Strong]

11. Get Arrogant

I don't know if you're looking for advice, but here it is anyway: Treat YOURSELF like a bad-ass, and other people will too. They will fall in line. They will fall like fucking dominoes. This goes for the women as well as the men. Hold your head high, talk clearly and loudly, and DON'T take no crap off fools.

More superficial, but equally important, tips:

Get a female friend to help you with your fashion choices. She knows better than you do.

Be impeccably groomed at all times when you go out. Haircuts once a month at the very least! And pluck those eyebrows so they're arched like The Devil's Own. I couldn't BELIEVE the difference taking care of my eyebrows made once I started doing it!

Exercise. Go jogging around the neighborhood every other night. Throw punches while you do it. Like Rocky.

Take care of yourself, love yourself and other people will too. And if they don't? Fuck their mothers.

Get arrogant.

And oh yeah, never refer to yourself as "droopy" in public...although it's probably okay to do on an anonymous message board.

[Droopy]

12. I can see some of that, Tom

But I'm already a bad ass. I'm a truck driver who unloads his truck every night. But the woman I'm looking for will not care about such macho characteristics. She will be interested in my intelect and she will be smarter than me. And I will worship her for it. :)

[Tom Strong]

15. Women don't want to be worshiped.

They are not Gods, so don't treat them that way.

That's all advice I'm gonna give. Got other things to do.

Good luck...and you're welcome.

[blondie58]

19. hey! speak for yourself!

i certainly have no problems with that.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

21. It's a better idea to look for an intellectual EQUAL than someone who's

superior.

Someone who is superior will eventually become bored with you. Someone who is less intelligent will eventually resent you.

Being "worshiped" is vaguely creepy. Being loved warts and all is better.

[wuushew]

20. Where is all this act like an asshole advice coming from?

Women really like jerks? I guess it sucks that I am a liberal.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

22. Acting like a jerk gets you insecure or superficial women

There's a middle ground between being a doormat and being a jerk.

[IronLionZion]

32. Oh, whatever!

Have you taken a good look at the women who are with jerks? No thanks, I don't want that type.

My girlfriend is confident, assertive, sweet, sexy, and likes me for who I am. I didn't have to be a jerk to get her, but it did take more confidence than I usually exhibit. I was feeling good about recently acing the GMAT exam so I was feeling on top of the world.


a good website I found that is targeted towards young men is: www.datinggroundwork.com but there's good advice for anyone.

[Richard Steele]

14. I doubt you'll be alone forever, what with having such an excellent perspective and all.

I'm pushing 40 now, and starting to look like I'm 65...

But I had about 15 years where I was generally considered
to be a pretty attractive man, and I moved in some circles
where I actually had to turn down a lot of offers of cheap,
meaningless "hook up" sex.

I've turned down more women than I've slept with, and I've
gone years at a time between lovers...

Because I could never "be with" anyone I didn't actually LIKE,
and want to spend time with.

So when I finally met "the one", all the waiting was worth it,
and I had very little in my past to be ashamed of.


Bear in mind- just 100 years ago, lots of "gentlemen" aged 35 were
VIRGINS who had never been on a date. They were expected to focus
upon a white-collar career, to work 80 hours a week until they
were appointed a "junior partner" in their Company, before their
financial future was secure enough to start taking a few hours a week
to go looking for a wife.

[Droopy]

16. Thanks Mr. Steele

I will consider your experience. Maybe I am just coming into my prime. :hi:

[Richard Steele]

23. I tell ya what- your "Prime" is where and when you find it.

I would have gladly skipped all my past relationships
in return for my current one (Over 8 years now)...
because they all ENDED, and that's always less fun
than being ALONE in the first place, y'know?

The only reason I don't regret my past relationships, or the
long spaces between them, is because it all played a
part in making me the man I WAS on the day I met my Sweetie-
the man she fell in love with.

If I had had a different life, I would have been
a different person. MAYBE a person she wouldn't have
liked quite as much, or even liked at all.

Hell, If I had had a HAPPIER past, I probably
wouldn't even have been in this STATE, let alone
in that room on the one evening she wandered through it
and caught my eye.

For that alone, I wouldn't change a minute of it.

[davsand]

25. Any man that likes cats would have been on my radar.

After our discussion about your new kitty, I had already decided that you are a cool guy, but I have to tell you that this thread solidifies it for me. Back when I was single I'd have been interested in a man that was ok with animals--especially if he was gainfully employed and intelligent.

You have NO idea how rare your kind is!!!!

Good thing for you I'm an old married fart or else I'd be tracking you down begging for attention!

:hi:



Laura

[Deja Q]

26. What happens if "gainfully employed and intelligent" hubby loses his job?

[davsand]

30. He will still be my husband and he will still be an awesome father to our child.

After several (15 in March!) years with each other and 12 of them as married folks, he is still "the one." He makes me laugh, he's who I like to just hang out with, and he keeps me real. I strive to be a better human, in part, because of him. He is the one man I ever dated that "got" my jokes, and he is the one man I ever dated that I wanted to get old with.


We have had times when money was a pretty serious issue, and we always have managed to keep it in context. While I hope we never do face job loss (for either of us) I will tell you that when Kev had his heart attack it was a real wake up call. I will never forget sitting in the ER with him hooked up to a bunch of tubes and monitors. Somehow the little stuff stops meaning a whole lot in a time like that.

I am elevated by my choice in partners.



Laura

[Deja Q]

27. There's more to life than just sex.

There's too much life can offer.

While we still have lives...




Best of luck to you in your search. :pals:

[MilesColtrane]

28. Sex is like oxygen...

...it suddenly seems very important when you're not getting any.

[Blue_Tires]

29. i know of what you speak...

i'm trying to reconcile myself with the fact that maybe there just isn't anyone out there for me (and if she did exist, she wouldn't be interested in the likes of me, anyhow:shrug: )

[bikebloke]

31. Same boat, but it's not so bad

I used feel depressed over my solitude. But then being a freak magnet (at least with american women), I finally tired of the dubious company of weirdos. Now I'm so used to being on my own, I wonder if I let some nice normal women slip past. Once and a while, like with a colleague from another office at work, my heart will thud to remind me I'm still alive.Though there's that taboo haunting me about getting involved with co-workers.

[applegrove]

33. Looking for a good companion is a great thing. That's the way to go IMHO.