True or not - still funny

[The Straight Story]

DISORDER IN THE COURT
Part II
- Submitted by Bob Castro
-------------------------------
These excerpts from court transcripts are purported to
be true. You be the judge!

The following are actual statements made during court
cases:

From a defendant representing himself...

Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when
I stole your purse?

Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly.
You are the one who stole my purse.

Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance.



*****************************

Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.

Judge: And why is that?

Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't
interested in my case.
Judge to
Public
Defender: Do you have any comments
on the defendant's motion?

Public
Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.


*****************************

Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.

Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.

Judge: What does the "Colonel" stand for?

Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the "Honorable" in
front of your name. Not a damn thing.


*****************************

Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness.

Have you nything to say in your defense?

Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?


*****************************

Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail):
May I adress the court?

Judge: Of course.

Defendant: If I called you a son of a bitch,
what would you do?

Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an
additional five days in jail.

Defendant: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?

Judge: I can't do anything about that.
There's no law Against thinking.

Defendant: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.

[petronius]

1. I'm guessing 'not true,' but hella funny nonetheless...

[orleans]

2. they are funny. thanks. n/t

[applegrove]

3. Thanks. That was funny.