Revealation Chapter 1.

[DrWeird]

1:1 And it came to pass that the four horsemen of the apocalypse brought destruction and death to the earth. And Leviathan smote ships and navies asunder. And Behemoth laid waste to great cities. And the giants Gog and Magog smote all who came before them.

1:2 And the people saw this and they were frightened. And the people fled from their homes. Miners fled from their mines. Priests fled from their temples. Kings fled from their thrones. And the many tourists of the world fled from their resorts and happy places upon the earth.

1:3 And it was bad.

1:4 And Lo! The Holy Ghost came upon the Earth. And he was full of furious anger. And the people despaired. The people fell to their knees in prayer, and wailing, and the beating of their chests, for the end was nigh.

1:5 And Lo! The trap was sprung!

1:6 And verily the Holy Ghost did rose up from the earth, and he was wholly inverted. And angry was He who was caught. For He was caught. And the prophet Frediah smote the Lord, and his face burst asunder.

1:7 And Behold! The people saw that the Holy Ghost was in fact Old Man Jenkins.

1:8 And they were surprised.

1:9 Amd after these things I heard a great voice of much people saying, Alleluia; Jeenkies, and Zoiks, and Like, Wow unto our dog the Scoob.

1:10 And verily the twelve Globetrotters were gathered hence. There was Don Knotts, and Sonny and Cher, and Larry, and Moe, And Curly Joe IV*, and Big Mama Cass, and John of Denver.

1:11 And Old Man Jenkins spoke. Verily! For I have frigtened you! For I, Old Man Jenkins, and I am a right bastard!

1:12 And then Daphne did speak: Wait just a minute! And she smote Old Man Jenkins face asunder.

1:13 And it was not the Holy Ghost, or Old Man Jenkins, but Mr. Simmons, the Janitor.

1:14 And the people were pleased. Since this twist doesn't happen that often.

1:15 And verily they opened the seven seals of the hallway closet. And there was Old Man Jenkins. And he was bound and gagged. And verily did Velma smite his bonds. And Old Man Jenkins did rejoice.

1:16 For Simmons had kidnapped him. And framed him. And had done so for the mortgage to the haunted theme park.

1:17 And Simmons did say: Lo! And I would have gotten away with it too if not for thine pesky children.

1:18 And the Deputy Knotts did lead away the Holy Ghost in handcuffs, and there was much rejoicing. And they feasted upon Scooby Snacks, and chocolate and ice cream pizzas, and three foot high sandwhichs which they ate with one bite, and many hamburgers, and many hotdogs.

1:19 For they had the munchies. And they were happy. And then did the Prophet Frediah did make a lame one liner.

1:20 And all laughed.

1:21 And the Beast hath on his vesture and on his collar a name written, SCOOBY DOO, AND DOER OF DOOBIES.



* From the Book Of Stooges 4:20: "In the beginning there was Curly Howard, and he was Good. And Curly begat Shemp; And Shemp begat Curly The Lesser; and Curly The Lesser begat Curly Joe; and Curly Joe begat Curly Joe II, and Curly Joe II begat Floyd the Mysterious;and Floyd begat Curly Joe III; and Curly Joe III begat Curly Joe IV..."