Bush/GOP: Declare Earth is Flat.

[indianablue]

In hastily arranged press conference feeling pressure from his base has declared the Earth is flat. He also added that the Earth does not revolve around the Sun but indeed the Sun revolves around the Earth.

Until new science books can be printed to state these facts current ones will have disclaimer about the Earth being round or the Earth revolving around the sun.

Several Teachers groups and scientist publicly objected after the press conference but the White House cited Bush's overwhelming mandate as the main reason for such a change.

Jerry Falwell hailed the moved.

Pat Robertson said: 'I feel like I just came out of the Dark Ages. A new era of science has begun."


Disclaimer: To all you right wing nut jobs spying. This is Parody. I just want to rub your stinky face into the absurdity of Bush loving!

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

1. And how freaking sad is it that you have to

give a disclaimer to right wing nut jobs to TELL them it's a parody and satire?

But pretty indicative of their intelligence level, nonetheless.

[depakid]

2. And the media declares

"... if Bush said the Earth was flat, the mainstream media would have stories with the headline: 'Shape of Earth--Views Differ.' Then they'd quote some Democrats saying that it was round." ~Paul Krugman

[Pastor of Deaniacs]

3. You forgot to add...

"Bush announces a token minority as Science Advisor"...

[distantearlywarning]

4. Don't forget to include

a sentence or two discrediting people who think the Earth is round as "a few hysterical internet bloggers". Make sure you mention that their evidence showing a round Earth has been totally and systematically discredited by "scientists". (You don't need to actually quote any actual scientists. The claim will be sufficient.)

[HysteryDiagnosis]

5. To all the RWingers who don't know the real reasons for the carnage

taking place in Iraq... just for once... open your eyes... follow the money... do the right thing... think for yourself... see the crimes for what they are. WTF would you do if some SOB was selling your country out from under you.... after fabricating the details of how dangerous you were to this other interest.... sickening what is going on... simply sickening. Bow down before the one you serve, you're gonna get what you deserve.

http://www.commondreams.org/scriptfiles/views03/1028-07.htm
On the initiation of Paul Bremer, the US head of the Coalition Provisional Authority, a new law, order 39, came into force last month. It permits complete foreign ownership of Iraqi companies and assets (apart from natural resources) that have hitherto been publicly owned, total overseas remittance of profits and some of the lowest corporate tax rates in the world. In short, Iraq's economy has been put up for sale.

http://www.ntu.edu.sg/idss/Perspective/research_050310.htm
The US-led war on Iraq has raised different speculations about the real reasons behind it, chief among them being control of its vast oil resources. One that seems to be a bit far fetched, but relevant, suggests that the actual reason behind the campaign is to fight against the use of the Euro in oil exports and payments by OPEC member countries.

http://ist-socrates.berkeley.edu/~pdscott/iraq.html
But the need to dominate oil from Iraq is also deeply intertwined with the defense of the dollar. Its current strength is supported by OPEC's requirement (secured by a secret agreement between the US and Saudi Arabia) that all OPEC oil sales be denominated in dollars. This requirement is currently threatened by the desire of some OPEC countries to allow OPEC oil sales to be paid in euros.

http://www.rationalrevolution.net/what_is_this_war_really_all_abou.htm
The successful euro has proven to be the greatest emerging competition that the American dollar has seen in decades. In addition, the European Union has been growing and organizing in such a way that it was obvious to any astute observer that the EU would soon be a partner of equals with America seeking to share global authority.

[finecraft]

6. Here's a flat earth/GOP joke for you

GOP leaders indicated today that they would push for a constitutional amendment to insure that all Americans recognize the Earth as being flat.

"A flat Earth is an Earth where everything is either right or left of where you're standing," explained Senator Orin Hatch, "It insures that all Americans will know where they stand at any given time. And I assure you that when Americans know that things are either left or right, and not circularly nuanced as liberals now claim they are, the American people will redraw the world map to make sure that we are the nation most prominently to the right.

"Roundness is dangerous and anti-American," continued the Senator, "for it implies that since all the nations of the Earth are spinning through space together they somehow are all equal and deserve equal rights. When youth start down that road it is almost insured that the young will begin thinking "globally" instead of what is in the selfish interests of all right thinking Americans. But we cannot afford to gamble our economic future on such unproven scientific theories as global warming or a circular Earth. (And by the way a Flat Earth Amendment would also be the easiest way to deal with global warming if such a problem actually did exist. Because it would insure that the excess water from melting polar caps would simply run off the sides of the Earth instead of actually flooding our coastal cities.) But since global warming doesn't exist we don't have to worry about that. And after we pass the Flat Earth Amendment we won't have to worry about global responsibilities again."


Said a Democratic spokesmen, "The Flat Earth Amendment is another desperate attempt by the Republicans to deny the truth that will ultimately do them in. Namely, what goes around comes around." :evilgrin: