Why I can't be drafted...

[wallock]

Everybody is talking about a draft so I am going to list every reason why they can't draft me. If we come up with a long enough list, there will be something for everyone! Even if you are past draft age, help us college students get out!


*I have one leg longer than the other

*My legs are turned outright

*I can never throw up or burp again after a surgery I had last year

*I tore my triceps golfing last year

*I am a drunk driver (well, I'm not, but I could be if it gets me out)

*I'm 25 pounds overweight (I could be more if necessary)

*I'm scared of spiders (big camel spiders in the middle east... uhhhh)

*I'm the last man to carry the family name (dad's dead - would have to kill my brothers)

*I can be gay if I have to

*I have two 'children' (I couldn't leave my cats, Peaches and Matisse, alone)

*I don't know how to use a gun

Ok that's enough. I just re-read everything and realized everyone is going to think I am a fat gay kid who walks funny and screams like a little girl when he sees a spider then runs home to his cats.

[Dogmudgeon]

1. Famous last words

Avoid the rush. Contact the Central Committee for Conscientious Objectors today.

Since the link gets munged by DU's HTML processing system, here's the URL: www.objector.org

--p!

[yorgatron]

2. we had a guy just like you when i was in basic training

he was a lean,mean,fightin' machine at the end of training.face it,you're screwed...

[wallock]

5. I won't be a fighting machine if I continually grab...

the drill sargent's butt. Trust me, I could get kicked out, lol

[ebayfool]

14. Yeah, & if he likes it? You're REAAAALLY screwed! LOL

Welcome to DU ... you give good humor!

[GCP]

3. LMAO!

Hilarious post, and welcome to DU! :hi:

[Vickers]

4. When I wear BDUs, I get "camel toe"

:spank:

[ComerPerro]

6. "My parents are rich, and they donate to the GOP"

That is guaranteed to get you out of being drafted.

[emanymton]

7. "Can't" Is A Dangeroud Word ...

As shrub's wars drag on, only children of GOP big wigs are safe.

The draft will return and the place to be is out of physical reach. Keep your passport up to date and in a safe place within quick reach.



Bush Lied, People Died, Media Cheered

[bunny planet]

8. Honey, they will even try to draft all of the millions of autistic

children whose conditions were caused by the extra mercury poisoning in the air due to corporate polluters. They have zero shame.

[blogbear]

9. Welcome and Clever Post..They used to say..

'Hell No! I Won't Go'..But that was a long time back..Then came a volunteer army..and all the 'don't ask or tell' right-stuff I guess..Then they went after that girl that was in the Navy and followed up with a movie (as usual)..Does anyone out there know what comes after 'boys will be boys'?

[KarenS]

10. As I sit here & laugh at your clever posting,,,,,,

I feel badly for all the draft-aged men & women of this country,,,,,

This is a sad state of affairs we find ourselves in,,,,,

(You don't think it will get bad enough to draft 55 yo women, do you????)

[wallock]

11. Only for the front line...

They need 55 yo women the most! How else do you think we are going cut back on our Social Security debt?

[KarenS]

12. YIKES!!!!

:wow: good point.

[Meeker Morgan]

13. I don't know how to use a gun?

That they can teach you. :mad:

[POAS]

20. It's not a gun

"This is my rifle.
This is my gun.
My rifles for killing!
My gun is for fun!"

I'll let you figure out what a "gun" is.

[Meeker Morgan]

21. Yeah I know what a "gun" is. eot

[aeolian]

15. Dude, you've got a pulse,

and the Army needs clerical staff, too.

Can you wield a pen?

[wallock]

19. It wasn't a serious post.... n/t

[OneTwentyoNine]

16. Forget all that crap,just "claim" an Anal cyst like Pillboy did....

When the draft starts up guys like Rush and gun-nut Nugent can be called on for specific informations about draft-dodging.

[union_maid]

17. I'm hoping that my son is useless....

I can safely say he has no useful skills. He's a musician. Of course, he's also put in a lot of years as a waiter, so maybe that's useful. He can drive. He can breathe. He walks and talks. He's actually pretty bright but please don't tell anyone.

Oh for the days when all you had to say is, "Sir, I've done some drugs in the past..." and you were on the way home with a mark on your permanent record that didn't affect you much at all, especially as compared with getting shot.

[rainbow4321]

18. "No medical deferments except total disability"

From the timeline gotten thru FOIA:

http://blatanttruth.org/draft.php


Dec. 2003—Acting SSS Director Brodsky announces the Skills Draft to be the “top priority” of the Selective Service System in its newsletter The Register for Winter 2003, talking of rapid progress to come on the Skills Draft. As with the health care draftees, no medical deferments are allowed in the Skills Draft except for total disability.


http://www.sss.gov/PDFs/NovDec2003-Register.pdf

Scroll down to page 6 on the pdf of the "Progress Improvement/Reorganizing Agency" for other stuff to read on medical/special skills

[Wilms]

22. .

[kiki]

23. "Six simple words...

...'I'm not gay, but I'll learn.'" - Homer Simpson