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“Dr. Obama, I’ve been stabbed in the arm by this guy from across town who I’ve been fighting with for years. He robbed 50 bucks from my wallet this time. Look at the size of that gash! Can you help me?”
“Of course, I can. Just because I’m black doesn’t mean my medical degree is a fairy tale!”
“Huh…?”
“Let me see that. You know, it’s time for you and this guy to move past the divisions of the old. It’s time for change in your relationship.”
“You know, I agree with you. But right now, I really need help with this wound…”
“It’s time to heal the wounds of the past! Here, let me just apply some gauzy bandaging to that. Now join me in expressing hope for the future! After all, there is more about your body that is healthy than is injured! Let’s celebrate what you and your attacker have in common – for example you’re both homo sapiens!”
“Is this bandage gonna heal that gash – ”
“That wound has a long way to go, but it as already healed a great deal! Trust me; I can negotiate a truce between you and your attacker. I have a history of reaching out to people like him, working with people like him, and bringing people like him and like you together…”
“Uh, I don’t know. This guy’s been hounding me forever. My last doctor also once claimed he could unite us, not divide us. But in the end, the bully just kept whoppin’ me and the doctor wasn’t doing anything to address my injuries, nevermind negotiating a truce. That’s why I changed doctors in the first place.”
“You have to leave behind the cynicism of the past. I’m leading a movement for change!”
“And that’s supposed to impress the guy whose been stomping me all these years? I mean you’re eloquent and all, but you’re a doctor, not a Jedi. How about worrying about fixing this wound first?
“I understand you’re frustrated. But I’ll continue to work you because, well, you’re likable enough.”
************************************************************************
“Dr. Clinton, I’ve been stabbed in the arm by this guy from across town who I’ve been fighting with for years. He robbed 50 bucks from my wallet this time. Look at the size of that gash! Can you help me?”
“Of course! I’ve been helping people like you for the last 35 years! I have the experience necessary to tend to this wound from day 1…”
“Huh…?”
“Let me see that. You know, some doctors would resort to a lot of false hope to try to heal this. But everybody knows that it takes an actual medical degree to get the healing done.”
“So if I hope I get better, you’re telling me it’s a false hope?!”
“Don’t worry. Once I apply this E. coli bacteria to the wound…”
“WHAT!?”
“It’s unfortunate, but the E. coli is necessary to kill the bacteria that might cause gangrene.”
“Isn’t that just replacing one problem with another?”
“I’m not allowing the E. Coli to make you sick. I’m simply giving it the opportunity to make you sick.”
“That is most ridiculous doublespeak I’ve ever heard from a doctor… Wait, are you getting ready to cry?”
“You know, it’s hard. I have so many dreams for this wound. And just like some of the other doctors around here are saying, I want you and your enemy to get along, too. I’m an agent of change too, dammit!”
“Yeah, but haven’t I seen you having lunch with that guy and his buddies? How much change I’m I supposed to expect you to really bring about?”
“Hey, look up there. What’s that? Why, it’s the glass ceiling!”
“So I’m supposed to cut you slack on this because you’re a woman?
“Here, take a couple of these antibiotic pills and run along. There are two sides of an issue I have to be on in an hour.”
***********************************************************************
“Dr. Edwards, I’ve been stabbed in the arm by this guy from across town who I’ve been fighting with for years. He robbed 50 bucks from my wallet this time. Look at the size of that gash! Can you help me?”
“Of course! My daddy worked in mill, and as a boy I saw lots of guys walking around with injuries like this.”
“OK, so whatcha got for me?”
“First I’m going to apply a bottle of the strongest antiseptic I have. And when that runs out, I’ll apply another bottle.”
“But what about the guy who attacked me? Are you going to reach out to him and – ”
“Reach out? Yeah, I’ll reach out and let him know that he is not going to fuck with you anymore.”
“But you know he and his buddies aren’t going to back down just like that.”
“I know. Which is why I am prepared, if necessary, to kick his ass, his buddy’s ass, and the ass of the guy who gave him the knife.”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about! Why haven’t I heard about you before? I see commercials for the other doctors all the time. And they’re always on the news.”
“I’d rather not spend all the money my customers give me on commercials. And because I don’t promise to treat rich and connected people first or better than anyone else, I don’t take in as much money as those other doctors. Besides, you got black doctors, female doctors – I’m just a plain old white guy doctor. No ratings bump to be found there. Why would the news find me interesting?”
“Because you actually have a prescription for healing wounds that will work.”
“Yeah, but I’m not tall, I don’t give exceptional speeches, and I’m not famous. In other words, I’m useless to the news media. Anyway, if you continue to apply this antiseptic regularly – even though it stings – eventually the wound will heal. Good luck.”
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