General Discussion

Did I Just Type This

(77 posts)

19. I dated a brilliant woman a while back...

Thu Aug 23, 2012, 06:17 PM

Aug 2012

She had a masters from Boston University and we got along great. When we started dating she mentioned right away that "when" a boy friend hits his girl friend she has to hit him back right away or he will keep doing it. We were eating in a restaurant and she wanted my opinion on this philosophy, prior to things getting too serious between us. I didn't know what to say at first, and when she prodded me to say "anything", all I could say was what was going on in my mind. You said "when he hits" instead of "if he hits" are you saying that everyone you ever dated has struck you? Needless to say we have been together for over 15 years and married for 5 years now.

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?- is there a woman here at DU who has not experienced sexual violence? [View all] kpete Aug 2012 OP

Glad to be the first rec, kpete cali Aug 2012 #1

ditto. and it doesn't even have to be physically violent. being stalked as a child by a crazy roguevalley Aug 2012 #110

Oh man I've been stalked too gollygee Aug 2012 #119

I have been extremely lucky, my dear kpete... CaliforniaPeggy Aug 2012 #2

I am 54, and also have never experienced sexual violence, or any violence, for phylny Aug 2012 #38

I am 65 and must just be lucky newfie11 Aug 2012 #120

Me neither. marybourg Aug 2012 #127

Same here and I have lived in Bogota, NYC, Belfast and Cyprus. Walk away Aug 2012 #144

I haven't experienced sexual violence but my weeps for every female (and male) who has. Hestia Aug 2012 #145

Wow, you all are so lucky, started when I was just 1 with my uncle. Dont call me Shirley Aug 2012 #222

If you are female, you will probably experience some sort of violence SoCalDem Aug 2012 #3

SoCalDem kpete Aug 2012 #5

Women didn't want to report rape or sexual abuse years ago HockeyMom Aug 2012 #4

I was raped in my late teens, and never told anyone until many years later after I was married. robinlynne Aug 2012 #15

Date Rape in my early 20s HockeyMom Aug 2012 #41

How well I know. Women are born liars. I learned early to STHU. freshwest Aug 2012 #112

So sad for you. Blessings, sweetie. efhmc Aug 2012 #122

Thanks, efhmc. Half a century ago. Changed my reality. freshwest Aug 2012 #124

Thanks. Please take care of yourself. efhmc Aug 2012 #126

I hope you have managed to find some sort of peace for yourself, and I hope you are okay tonight niyad Aug 2012 #137

Thanks, I was just coming to delete after it looks like the thread was attracting some scorn. freshwest Aug 2012 #139

Hugs to you, my sweet. tblue Aug 2012 #172

Thanks, tblue. freshwest Aug 2012 #232

I don't have many women in my life who haven't Marrah_G Aug 2012 #6

I haven't ever experienced sexual violence. HappyMe Aug 2012 #7

I was attacked 28 years ago.... cynatnite Aug 2012 #8

Damn! tblue Aug 2012 #173

62 years old and never experienced sexual violence karynnj Aug 2012 #9

This message was self-deleted by its author TwilightGardener Aug 2012 #203

A fair number of males too, I would bet Hydra Aug 2012 #10

yep Taverner Aug 2012 #169

I'm one of the very lucky ones. But I have friends who have not been so lucky. . . . nt ncgrits Aug 2012 #11

Drugged and raped...so not legitimate rape, obviously. KSstellarcat Aug 2012 #12

Not only that... cynatnite Aug 2012 #13

how awful... renate Aug 2012 #65

You make a remarkable point! luvspeas Aug 2012 #206

I experienced date rape 3 times and said nothing proud patriot Aug 2012 #14

We almost always blame ourselves. redqueen Aug 2012 #17

yep proud patriot Aug 2012 #60

Same here abelenkpe Aug 2012 #48

big hug proud patriot Aug 2012 #58

I was 24 and only told my best friend. KSstellarcat Aug 2012 #74

omfg :( CabCurious Aug 2012 #186

I'm so sorry my friend RFKHumphreyObama Aug 2012 #226

I've never experienced sexual violence but I have experienced sexual harassment XemaSab Aug 2012 #16

I've been groped by strange men. Arugula Latte Aug 2012 #18

Yes, that is sexual assault, which is a form of sexual violence. redqueen Aug 2012 #22

It is absolutely violence. Chorophyll Aug 2012 #57

Same thing happened to me siouxsiecreamcheese Aug 2012 #107

As you say, it left a mark on your psyche lunatica Aug 2012 #160

I dated a brilliant woman a while back... Did I Just Type This Aug 2012 #19

wow. cause mine is the hint of aggression in any form, i walk. totally not accepted or allowed. seabeyond Aug 2012 #24

I'm one of the lucky ones but I am a regular rape crisis counselor and advocate riderinthestorm Aug 2012 #20

I was in and out of a violent AsahinaKimi Aug 2012 #21

I have both in AND out of the military CatWoman Aug 2012 #23

Ex-husband was abusive in many ways - TBF Aug 2012 #25

If you had no bruises, it wasn't sexual violence - that's what Akin would say Liberal_in_LA Aug 2012 #26

Too many instances.........so so sad. nc4bo Aug 2012 #27

My client endured constant sexual violence from her husband. no_hypocrisy Aug 2012 #28

Unrec brooklynite Aug 2012 #29

. FarLeftMale Aug 2012 #113

welcome to du, male. interesting to hear you think the OP .... stupid. nt seabeyond Aug 2012 #116

wow, you have been here 5 minutes, and you start by insulting long-time members? niyad Aug 2012 #149

Post removed Post removed Aug 2012 #151

You may be male but since you lack the empathy thing lunatica Aug 2012 #162

I honestly don't understand your point in this. The OP clearly acknowledges... CabCurious Aug 2012 #187

The exact quote: brooklynite Aug 2012 #199

it's is an opinion noiretextatique Aug 2012 #215

I have not experienced sexual violence. But . . . SleeplessinSoCal Aug 2012 #30

Is there a man who hasn't either? 1-Old-Man Aug 2012 #31

no offense to any brother, please kpete Aug 2012 #32

You have no need to apologize! IMO the equivalence was the offense CabCurious Aug 2012 #188

Oh, it definitely happens to men too. Chorophyll Aug 2012 #61

Rape is notoriously under-reported ... TahitiNut Aug 2012 #72

Doesn't help when you have posters here pretty much equating a2liberal Aug 2012 #134

this is a pretty callous post in a thread with heartfelt posts. it is a shame you felt it necessary seabeyond Aug 2012 #143

I disagree. a2liberal Aug 2012 #166

i felt like the rhetorical question about males was the callous one, honestly CabCurious Aug 2012 #189

? i am not follwoing. nt seabeyond Aug 2012 #193

"Is there a man who hasn't either?" CabCurious Aug 2012 #197

you are not wrong. not one man i talked to said he walks in RL with concerns of rape seabeyond Aug 2012 #198

well said CabCurious Aug 2012 #205

Yes, this is all I want MadrasT Aug 2012 #217

I agree that this was a hijak question geardaddy Aug 2012 #220

If you were a victim of sexual violence then just say so lunatica Aug 2012 #163

I have not been a2liberal Aug 2012 #167

I don't think anyone believes that boys and men aren't victims lunatica Aug 2012 #170

I was responding to a post about a2liberal Aug 2012 #178

Not me. Sex violence is too common, but it is not a universal experience among men or women. n/t lumberjack_jeff Aug 2012 #221

I'm certain there are many women who have not experienced sexual violence, BUT caraher Aug 2012 #33

I have Herlong Aug 2012 #34

Thankfully, no. WinstonSmith4740 Aug 2012 #35

my ex was abusive rockingirl Aug 2012 #36

I don't think I have ever met a woman who doesn't have a story of sexual violence. cbayer Aug 2012 #37

incest lins the liberal Aug 2012 #42

Much sexual violence is perpetrated by a family member. cbayer Aug 2012 #46

That's so sad. Thank God I've never experienced sexual violence of any kind...and I don't Auntie Bush Aug 2012 #80

I think the lack of discussion continues for women of your generation and that many cbayer Aug 2012 #82

i do not talk about it with my friends. never have. they do not talk to me about their experience seabeyond Aug 2012 #85

With my closest friends, it does come up. Others have just alluded to it cbayer Aug 2012 #93

ah. thanks. seabeyond Aug 2012 #96

im, unfortunately, in your camp iamthebandfanman Aug 2012 #210

When I was about 10 yrs old a man stopped near a local park asked for directions... hue Aug 2012 #39

Same thing happened to me!!! tblue Aug 2012 #176

this is a very good point nashville_brook Aug 2012 #40

I was groped Aerows Aug 2012 #43

I am now 50 .... etherealtruth Aug 2012 #44

57 here. Never experienced sexual violence. pink-o Aug 2012 #45

I'm a petite, feminine blond Aerows Aug 2012 #51

I've been somewhat lucky, compared to a lot of people gollygee Aug 2012 #47

I have not. Thank God. emilyg Aug 2012 #49

I have been very fortunate. I have never experienced sexual violence or domestic violence. Arkansas Granny Aug 2012 #50

I have not, but I consider myself lucky The Velveteen Ocelot Aug 2012 #52

Wow, a woman locally finally got some justice eilen Aug 2012 #53

HE BECAME A JUDGE? tblue Aug 2012 #177

Yeah, I wonder if there was some bad blood btw him and the DA for the DA to work w/her, nt eilen Aug 2012 #212

I've been groped and grabbed. Chorophyll Aug 2012 #54

Varying degrees of assault ranging from GreenPartyVoter Aug 2012 #55

I had a couple of narrow escapes eridani Aug 2012 #56

I am one XanaDUer Aug 2012 #59

yup. the first was about 12, just sexual assault and the stories continue on seabeyond Aug 2012 #62

Pretty lucky I guess Freddie Aug 2012 #63

I've dodged a few bullets in my day... JenniferJuniper Aug 2012 #64

Kidnapped at knifepoint. Moosepoop Aug 2012 #66

What a dreadful ordeal. Liberty Belle Aug 2012 #148

It was dreadful -- but I lived. :) Moosepoop Aug 2012 #164

that smiley made my day CabCurious Aug 2012 #194

:( CabCurious Aug 2012 #192

Sexual harassment rather than violence. pnwmom Aug 2012 #67

Back in the 80's all of the women I worked with were routinely sexually harrassed... JenniferJuniper Aug 2012 #76

I was lucky then. My direct boss was Exec. VP. pnwmom Aug 2012 #81

You are so right about Anita Hill JenniferJuniper Aug 2012 #87

I remember those days, and yup that's exactly what it was like. It was expected. LiberalLoner Aug 2012 #84

Domestic violence most definitely in a previous marriage. Blue_In_AK Aug 2012 #68

I'm a flaming lesbian Aerows Aug 2012 #69

Raped in '87, date raped in '84, Ilsa Aug 2012 #70

I never have, but that frogmarch Aug 2012 #71

I was raped at 14. RebelOne Aug 2012 #73

I have had a few incidents Beringia Aug 2012 #75

ChickMagic was raped sometime back in the early 70s derby378 Aug 2012 #77

I'm so sorry, derby378, both for what happened to her pnwmom Aug 2012 #83

Thank you... derby378 Aug 2012 #90

I was raped when I was 29. Le Taz Hot Aug 2012 #78

Twice here LadyHawkAZ Aug 2012 #79

+1. everyone knows my stories already so I won't repeat them, but.....when I was a young child, LiberalLoner Aug 2012 #86

So sorry, LL, that you went through that as a child. pnwmom Aug 2012 #94

Thank you - I'm so sorry for what we've all been through, for how our society is :( LiberalLoner Aug 2012 #98

How about Muslim and African women ? They must go through hell on earth! Auntie Bush Aug 2012 #104

The world as a whole practices unbelievable misogyny. I even understood that as a young girl and LiberalLoner Aug 2012 #108

Rape, Abuse, Incest and Assault National Network MarvelUs Aug 2012 #88

No sexual violence, just weird, well, I don't know what to call it. Butterbean Aug 2012 #89

Held at gunpoint. Managed to escape. nolabear Aug 2012 #91

I am so sorry that happened to you. MadrasT Aug 2012 #218

I'm absolutely shocked! I had no idea that rape and sexual assult was so pervasive. Auntie Bush Aug 2012 #92

I haven't. But I don't need to have to understand that sexual violence can come in many guises... renie408 Aug 2012 #95

I had forgotten, but I just remembered pnwmom Aug 2012 #97

:( All of us...it's pervasive...not one of us escapes unharmed.... LiberalLoner Aug 2012 #100

I have never experienced sexual violence but I have friends malaise Aug 2012 #99

Yes. Yo_Mama Aug 2012 #101

An old man touched me between my legs when I was 10 yrs I was embarassed kimbutgar Aug 2012 #102

This message was self-deleted by its author ohheckyeah Aug 2012 #103

I have never experience sexual violence or even violence against me Raine Aug 2012 #105

I have experienced it. laundry_queen Aug 2012 #106

raped and beaten, then again .... polly7 Aug 2012 #109

I've experienced sexual violence Control-Z Aug 2012 #111

You never forget these experiences... MrMickeysMom Aug 2012 #114

I punched a groper in the face at '83 NC State NCAA b'ball celebration zazen Aug 2012 #115

I have handmade34 Aug 2012 #117

I have never talked about my experience. femmocrat Aug 2012 #118

If you ever decide to change your mind, Le Taz Hot Aug 2012 #121

Thank you, I appreciate that. femmocrat Aug 2012 #228

I haven't either. jillan Aug 2012 #125

Thanks, jillan. femmocrat Aug 2012 #229

Not me. I didn't fight back. So I had no physical bruises. Overseas Aug 2012 #123

not me either azurnoir Aug 2012 #128

So many kandkfunk Aug 2012 #129

Not sexually assaulted per se; Rozlee Aug 2012 #130

I said no, but he didn't listen. aquart Aug 2012 #131

... TeeYiYi Aug 2012 #135

Multiple times.... Lisa0825 Aug 2012 #132

I was molested when I was 12 by a family friend. Jennicut Aug 2012 #133

i cannot give a hug to every person on this thread, or every person who is reading and has seabeyond Aug 2012 #136

And there are men who have also been sexually assaulted vietnam_war_vet Aug 2012 #138

The well-connected are idolized, the rest left behind. So sorry you were betrayed by all. freshwest Aug 2012 #142

It really blows my mind at how callous those kids were at such a young age Lilyeye Aug 2012 #153

Assaulted by a "friend" when I was 22-ish. yewberry Aug 2012 #140

I am apparently one of the lucky ones who have not. southerncrone Aug 2012 #141

I was attacked on a street by a large man armed with a broken bottle, Liberty Belle Aug 2012 #146

One of the "lucky" ones, . . . tilsammans Aug 2012 #147

I was sexually assaulted by a teenage boy when I was 8 years old. Aeroette Aug 2012 #150

I am sorry that happened to you and I understand what it's like to avoid places. MadrasT Aug 2012 #219

I am 25 years old, but I have been fortunate to not go through molestation or rape Lilyeye Aug 2012 #152

My wife, although not technically a member of DU, can claim that DFW Aug 2012 #154

I am so sorry defacto7 Aug 2012 #155

I was lucky. xxqqqzme Aug 2012 #156

No physical violence, more humiliation and harassment than I care to think about. sarge43 Aug 2012 #157

Date raped. a la izquierda Aug 2012 #158

I was sexually molested when I was six lunatica Aug 2012 #159

I am one of the lucky ones. FlaGranny Aug 2012 #161

I haven't (I'm 45). Mad_Dem_X Aug 2012 #165

I'll be 51 next week and I haven't experienced any sexual violence Larkspur Aug 2012 #168

Been groped by coworkers and date rape. sinkingfeeling Aug 2012 #171

Where to start? MadrasT Aug 2012 #174

Exactly. Starting at age 11. lapislzi Aug 2012 #175

I am so sorry. MadrasT Aug 2012 #181

Thank you, MadrasT lapislzi Aug 2012 #183

Oh hell no. Just HELL no. seabeyond Aug 2012 #190

Not a woman, but GaYellowDawg Aug 2012 #200

isnt that interesting. thank you for sharing this perspective. seabeyond Aug 2012 #202

While I have not, I know many who have. AllyCat Aug 2012 #179

Sad to say, I have KitSileya Aug 2012 #180

Thankfully rape, no - Hell Hath No Fury Aug 2012 #182

I'm a male and I experienced sexual violence. Alduin Aug 2012 #184

really.... most all women seabeyond Aug 2012 #195

Yes, have been assaulted. MuseRider Aug 2012 #185

K&R G_j Aug 2012 #191

I have slowly been learning to deal with my memories solara Aug 2012 #196

I have not... luvspeas Aug 2012 #201

I have never experienced it. TwilightGardener Aug 2012 #204

Sorry to report I was almost date raped Lunabelle Aug 2012 #207

In college I fought off a rapist by kneeing him in the balls, HARD LiberalEsto Aug 2012 #208

I have not been a victim of sexual violence, but s-cubed Aug 2012 #209

Every woman I have asked about the subject says they have been. stevenleser Aug 2012 #211

I think that you are correct that most women have experienced some sort of sexual violence. davsand Aug 2012 #213

Molested by a stranger when I was 12 lilymidnite Aug 2012 #214

not me, and not most of the women i know noiretextatique Aug 2012 #216

Probably all of us have faced violence from a man lark Aug 2012 #223

Why do so many men hate women? Arugula Latte Aug 2012 #224

It started before my 2nd birthday... BethWolven Aug 2012 #225

Been stalked twice; been nearly raped in my living room; boob/butt grabbed by strangers a Nay Aug 2012 #227

no.. sadly Bluerthanblue Aug 2012 #230

I'm in my mid 30s. I've never experienced any sexual violence, molestation, any violence period. SweetieD Aug 2012 #231

Sadly I don't even know if this counts GobBluth Aug 2012 #233

Is anyone else having trouble sleeping since this started? redqueen Aug 2012 #234