You know how people compare Mitch McConnell with a turtle?

[AverageOldGuy]

15. "Of Time and Turtles"

We are 80; I'm fortunate to be in decent condition and quite mobile; my wife has several medical challenges that keep her pretty much home-bound. She reads a lot -- 4-6 books a week; she's just about exhausted our little, rural local library.

A couple of months ago she checked out Of Time and Turtles: Mending the World, Shell by Shattered Shell. by Sy Montgomery -- you probably know the book.. If not, it's about turtles and those who rescue them.

As she read the book, she learned a LOT about turtles. In fact, about every other page she read to me something interesting about turtles, most of which I did not know.

For example:
-- Turtles live a LOOOOOONG time.
-- Terrapins live in water except when they live on land; turtles live on land except when they live in water; tortoises live wherever they damn well please. That may not be what she read, but it's what I remember.
-- If a snapping turtle (tortoise, terrapin) bites you, it will not let go until it hears thunder. Or maybe that's something my old granddaddy told me. I get confused at my age.
-- Turtles do not hibernate. They BRUMATE. Look it up.

I should have paid attention when she read to me.