But Weren’t They Asking For It?

[Nye Bevan]

5. I've really had enough of people blaming murder victims for being murdered.

What we need is a campaign targeting not potential victims, but the murderers themselves:

1. When you go into a convenience store, simply choose what you want to buy and pay for it. Under NO circumstances take out a gun and blow away the clerk.

2. Don't be tempted to kill your parents to get your inheritance sooner. Instead, learn to be patient.

3. Is your spouse annoying you, or cheating on you? Divorce is a MUCH better solution than murder.

4. When you see someone withdrawing a large amount of cash from an ATM, do NOT follow them, murder them and then steal their money.

5. If you are really, really angry at someone, and happen to have access to a weapon, count to 10 slowly until your anger subsides. Do not get out your weapon and murder the person you are angry at.

6. If you are a drugs dealer who has been stiffed on a large payment by a customer, report them to Experian or one of the other credit reporting firms. Don't murder them.

7. Angry at the President of the United States? Don't assassinate him. Simply vote against him in the next election!

8. Do you have an unhealthy obsession with a well-known celebrity? Don't stalk and murder them. Join their fan club instead.

9. Refrain from joining any kind of fanatical organization that advocates terrorist attacks and suicide bombings. Because that's murder. Join a more civilized club instead.

10. DON'T murder.