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In reply to the discussion: Quick Question... Why should black people love white people? [View all]JonLP24
(29,322 posts)I've known a lot of racists (or bigots) who weren't just white people, a lot seemed to have a totem pole & black people were at the problem. I don't intend or take them as generalizations because I learned very early & there just anecdotes of just a few examples & the opinions of those individuals but I agree with your larger point.
Not part of my main case but mention it because for the most part -- black people are at-the-bottom of the group totem pole regarding the collective experience but one group mostly on top discriminating & certainly they treat foreign nationals much worse than they could get away (not in a way as transparent) with US citizens but the realities experienced can be similar depending on where & who is in power.
I learned a lot from my ex-wife, very smart. She was more talented than anyone else I ever met in standing up for herself, she moves very easily into the aggressive territory but not usually over things handled in a reasonable way. More specifically, first few weeks I just happened to purchase Captain Blacks Little Sweet Cigars. The guy I grew up with that introduced me to everything, bought a lot of those packs of those at-first. I always liked the flavored filters and was always about the cheapest pack of cigarette sized tobacco rolls at Fry's.
She came home, the smell instantly reminded her of her grandfather who smoked Captain Black tobacco, in a pipe IIRC who was no longer living but at-the-time she came to a conclusion which she obviously by now came to a more fact-based conclusion but she thought possibly I was her dead grandpa because of a few things, I never was concerned with the style or fashion of my clothes neither was he, he never told her no, & he had relationships with White Women which was the reverse in my case but she mentioned that bugged her when she was young. Very honest though withheld the truth more & more often. I can't remember if there were any specifics regarding why except she mentioned out of all her family members, she valued her grandpa the most as someone she could always turn to.
I was deployed in '06-'07 so a lot of times I would mention things that caught my interest in the newspaper -- usually Stars & Stripes (Army Times cost money) two things Kramer & Imus had to have happen between July '06-'07 because I was in Southwest Asia -- I can't remember specifically why she downplayed the Imus thing but regarding Kramer she referenced her own behavior when she lashed out over anger regarding group actions when it came to individuals but this was several years ago but the reason I mention this not to make a point about those 2 as those 2 -- especially Imus sicken me but she obviously treated me as if I had inherently nefarious motives & intentions simply because I was white but over time mentioned previous stronger resentments of a group but I learned a lot of things, saw & experienced things for myself.
I was 18, for some reason I foolishly believed racism only existed in the darkest corners someone I got along with great who lived in the neighborhood & we did construction labor jobs together. Never suspected it until he guessed over a $70 or so I was saving up as a gift she requested (the gift thing I wasn't good at which was never problem -- shopping was like a drug to her, if she was unhappy or depressed a shopping spree was the cure for it) which he gave me hard time with jokes but nothing to be taken seriously until he started guessing & guessed correctly said he "doesn't have a problem with it" but advised me not to have a children referencing future demographic trends basically saying whites are becoming extinct. This was 2005, 5 years later he had a relationship & a child with a black woman (life is very bizarre & telling that bizarre story would require another post).
However, not many in those first 5 months of the relationship which I was a civilian brought up a lot of that since I didn't advertise it. Well, there was this woman who constantly looked at us on the bus then when I was alone on the bus she bombarded me by heavily discouraging to end it though a lot of this was in reference to the age gap but my 19-year-old girlfriend I had before her I don't care about ages when I can experience problems like I had with her or anyone else as she was very rare in-terms of honesty, bluntness, not a lot of smoke & mirrors. My point with that for some reason and I was young & ignorant notions but I was more worried how black people would react than white people. When I joined the military, it was completely by far the other way around.
When someone white would eventually find out, they'd advertise this & regarding this specific individual used a lot of stereotypes with this. When I was out-processing out of the military I had to suffer with him tasked to drive me everywhere, I can't remember but it was road-rage related exclaimed "GOD DAMN * MFERS" I went to the First Sergeant immediately following this but he asked me just to wait-it-out wouldn't reveal but mentioned there was a reason he was tasked with this, he was punished for something and it did look that way. Years after, I came across his Facebook page bouncing across the friends of unit members mentioned he applied for a police department in North Carolina hoping they accept and I didn't check back to see if he had success but he is exactly the wrong kind of person you'd want as a police officer.
I remember she finally did move to Washington which I later realized how difficult & why reluctant she was but 1 vehicle in a new place with me working for a very demanding employer where being there where they want me to be & when overrules everything else which later led to me becoming very disillusioned but right around late November (my birthday was the day she arrived) & our unit had some "mandatory fun" a unit Christmas party, most people I had no idea regarding my personal life, especially when it came to a wife they never saw but you wouldn't believe the stares & the chatter while they were staring & this was coming from people exclusively from white & rural backgrounds though small towns were the norm overall but at-this-point it wasn't a surprise since I overtime I learned who my real friends were & there were cliques galore. Almost nobody white went to social functions predominantly black which I didn't make a point to do one way or the other but in finding out who is real or who isn't.
One huge lesson was there was this very old apartment building but in comparison to what was available with the price they were asking for it was the best deal for an apartment in town. Apparently it has historic ties with the prohibition-era & was used specifically as something for black market alcohol (2007). The situation was I was in financial crisis, she was going back to Arizona, the apartment I was currently paying for was simply unsustainable & so unwilling to work with the reality of my situation and OMG if you can't make it to the office on the first with a money order you get charged more. Anyways, I badly explained my desire & like for her to come back but she mentioned the size of the property is only for 1 person so I went back to the car thought she could better explain but she wisely predicted how ineffective would be even though she was very certain in her tone & everything when she was saying she wasn't coming back here & it was pretty much true but would take too long to explain why but the very old white woman was more opposed to renting the apartment than before she came in there.
I later looked online, I saw something regarding Housing Discrimination -- the distant details again -- but I remember not finding any justifiable reason where she refused the unit. I was so ready to do something but she was resigned to the fact. As a white person, a lot of other white people think that since I'm white it is OK to unload their true beliefs around me. I've heard this constant complain black people constantly complain when they have this, that, this, that basically sell the idea it is easier to start a business, earn an education, find employment if you're a minority but I've seen a lot of racist behavior & how little complaining there was though I think it was more of a shock thing with me than as racist people & racist systems doesn't come as a surprise.
This happened after we split but I was there for a lot of this, the downstairs were unreasonable regarding noise complaints. The kids playing jacks with their uncle would sent them through the roof but often you can quite clearly music playing. Kids can be noisy, I understand but trust me the complaints were over breathing & existing. They weren't rowdy at-all, watched TV the boys were teens who skateboard & bicycled outdoors, basically the sounds of footsteps moving upstairs were the sum of it as well as accusations that were factually incorrect. She told me this went to court after I left and I wish I could have been there to point this out as well their music playing but not only was the judgment entirely against her meaning she had to move out, she had to move from upstairs to somewhere else but the judge also decided to criticize her or give his .02 in a harsh way which really was foolish because of the incomplete & false information as the basis.
I don't think I'm making much sense and I try to be careful in approaching the claims of others but especially under racism topics but everything I said when it comes to claims & behaviors of others is true. There certainly remains a lot left to be learned but I often find myself feeling group hatred especially when a lot of white people think that since I'm white I'll agree with their irrational beliefs which the logic doesn't make any sense, in addition to the problems this ideology creates -- (I can simply say the Housing crisis affected everyone but Latino & black was the hardest hit, the gaps widened receives a simple "I'm not so sure about that." or say they don't buy it but it is as if they don't receive other people -- people in positions of power -- believe the same things they do I don't know or prejudge them over something they didn't choose