A NEW day or mending fences or DUers never let me down

[Omaha Steve]

I'm sorry my post yesterday caused so much emotion/controversy that wasn't needed: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=6461544

It has been almost a year since I first talked about being terminal. Every time I mention I'm terminal I hear from DUers that have somehow missed all the other references to it. It happened last Thursday night on an LBN post with an active DUer. See reply #1: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10141057534

I got several emails about it yesterday. Somebody will undoubtedly learn about it from this post.

Problems started long before I was diagnosed. Things I'm dealing with are impaired thinking from pain (neck, shoulders, wrists) killers, irregular sleep from my condition, communication, and my condition itself. Combine it all and the off switch most people have for self control for emotions, reasoning, etc. can be pretty much gone at any given time. I can go from the OS people remember to a jerk in an instant and not even know it. I will continue to get worse. I said before OS doesn't really exist anymore.

I was looking at a very old post of mine a few weeks ago and I couldn't understand at that time what I meant when I wrote it. Algernon syndrome.

Yesterday I was not upset with the DU on lack of response to my Saturday night LBN post. I was pissed about the alert on it as part of a continuing pattern of alerts on a growing number of my posts.

From yesterday: "It means that much to me." was a message to the hosts in LBN as they contemplated locking it. Perhaps now you can understand why. My judgment was off. We all know how that worked out. I'm not knocking them for doing what they are supposed to do. It is a thankless job. They do a good job period. They can help keep me from looking bad when I'm really off base at times like yesterday morning.

My post also opened a door to clear some things up in private with a lot of DUers and very close friends alike.

I love this place. 48,800 plus OPs shows that. I don't know when it will be, but the day is coming I won't give a damn about the DU, politics, or pretty much anything else. My plan is self termination before getting there. It is what I want. It is what the old OS talked about long before being diagnosed.

This wasn't easy to write. Several hours of my life I won't get back. As of right now I'm having a good moment/day.

Warmest regards,

OS (AKA Algernon)