Why Rumsfeld Stays: A Simple, But Elegant Theory [View All]

[Plaid Adder]

Stop me if it's already been articulated, but I was proud of it when I came up with it. After all, the axe falls on 9 people, and Rumsfeld is not one of them? Even if we assume that Bush is purging non-loyalists, and we acknowledge that Rumsfeld is a loyalist, there is still the fact that he's a gigantic liability in every conceivable way, since he can't seem to do anything right either practically or ethically. So why not dump him and look for someone who would at least do a better job of _winning_ our imperial wars?

Here is my theory, which belongs to me, and I own it and what it is too:

They can't get anyone else to take the job.

Think about it. How much would they have to offer YOU to inherit Rumsfeld's mess? No doubt you replied, as any sane person would, "The world is not enough." And you presumably are a public spirited sort who cares about the welfare of the country, unlike any of the candidates Bush would be liable to approach.

It's not important, really, since the results are the same anyhow; but it cheers me up to imagine Bush working the phone bank, desperately trying to line up a replacement. "Al? Al, it's George...no, Mr. Haig, I didn't realize it was your morning naptime...listen, I was just wondering if you would consider stepping into--oh, someone already leaked it. Well--oh, dear, that is too bad. Well, I understand. It _is_ very important to keep yourself well groomed at all times, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for your going around with unwashed hair..." *redial* "Bob? Bob, it's George. Listen, Bob, I was wondering...George Bush. George W. Bush. It's the _President,_ Mr. Macnamara. Yes, the current one. Listen, Don is getting a little burned out on this whole carnage thing, and I was wondering--hello? Hello? What the ding-dang?"

We amuse ourselves however we can,

The Plaid Adder