Newly published schedule of events for GOP NYC this summer [View All]

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

New York 2004


6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry
Falwell


6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance


6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd
amendment)


6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing


6:46 PM Seminar #1: "Getting your kid a military
deferment"


7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong


7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries


7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for
dinner.


8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next


8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh


8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos Are After
Your Children"


8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights
(MEN only)


8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The government of
the future


9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"


9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong


9:10 PM EPA Address #2: "Trees: The real cause of
forest fires"


9:30 PM Break for secret meetings


10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas


10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy


10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and
talk macho


10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark
deer-in-headlights stare


10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory
Kevlar chastity
belt


10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black
Republicans


10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong


10:50 PM Seminar #3: "Education: A drain on our
nation's economy"


11:10 PM Hilary Clinton piñata


11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft:
"Evolutionists -- The
Dangerous new cult"


11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.


11:35 PM Blame Clinton


11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies


11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself


12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme
Planetary Overlord