Help..........girlfriend has man problems and I need advice to give her!! [View All]

[Hepburn]

I have not been on this forum long, but from what I have read, there are some pretty squared away people. I am not too sure what to tell my friend of about 35 years and she asked me for advice. So here is the story and HELP if you can and it would be very, very appreciated.

My friend L is in her mid-50's. She has been in a a live-in/business relationship with a guy for about 4-1/2 years. He is in his early 60's. Everything seemed fine until about 2 weeks ago. She is sure there is another woman. This guy has NEVER strayed before - at least there have never been any indications of this. There were no gradual changes in the relationship - just - BAM - the other woman. I have talked this over with L and there is NO doubt there is another woman in my mind. My friend has a ton of money tied up in this business with this guy or I would tell her to verify that there is another woman and move on. But because of the business relationship, this is sticky. She is going to see an attorney to make sure she is protected, etc., but she is not quite sure what other info might be beneficial to make sure she knows all about what the deal is. BTW: L and her guy were like best friends when you were around them and this is really a surprise to me.

So, the issues and the questions:

*Whether she should find out who the other woman is and all info about the other woman that she can gather. (We both are wondering if money from the business is being siphoned off and if the other woman may have a business or employment that would aid in this. IMO, might be good information for the atty.) Are there any good methods for finding this out that do not cost an arm and a leg? Her money is tied up in their business and if she moves she will need what she has available. She may be a bit strapped on this and I sure cannot help her.

*L is mad and wants to confront the other woman. I think this is a very bad idea for many reasons. But basically she is at a point of wanting revenge. I don't know what to say to her about this other than, "Not a good idea." Got any ideas of how to deal with this issue. (She is going to a counselor, but this is a fresh wound and the pain if obviously there and she is angrier/hurt than I have EVER seen her.) I also told her that if she is wrong or if this is just a little bit of a stray and she wants to heal the relationship later, that this would pretty much make a bad situation worse.

*And L has thought of casually running into both of them and seeing if the other woman has a clue that she is the other woman. If L is insistent on this, I think it best that someone else who knows both of them do this and see the reaction if L is truly insistent on this "casual run-in." (IMO, she is still hoping that there might be a legit relationship there and not cheating. Basic denial at this time is what is going on here IMO. But denial is a stage of healing and if she has to "prove" it to herself, then maybe she just does. He has denied anything is going on BTW - but this was brought up really casually.)

*Anything that you can think of that would help in this situation would be very much appreciated. I have never really been in her situtaion so I really am not very helpful. I can think of what I may have done or would do, but I am not really sure.

Thanks and I hope some of you are very creative on this! I am stuck and this is my best friend of 35 years!