Xmas Memories- Here's Mine; Please Share Yours [View All]

[Modem Butterfly]

One of my most vivid Xmas memories is also the weirdest and least functional. My dad's baby brother was sent to rehab one fall, I believe it was '78 or '79. My brother and I were too young to be told where he'd gone and my aunt was pregnant with her first child. Uncle Mike had been back a couple of weeks by the time Xmas rolled around. Dad's family were recent immigrants, so traditions were really important to them. They had a very traditional Xmas tree with German decorations and all sorts of German treats. In their house, we got to open presents on Xmas Eve. We would all hold hands around the tree, sing a couple of carols and open gifts. Grandpa would always play Santa Claus and pass them out at random.

One of the first gifts was a beautifully wrapped gift from my Uncle Mike to my father (Dad was one of the main drivers in getting Uncle Mike to go to rehab). Everyone ooohed and ahhed while Dad opened it. It was a turd. A very large, very brown, very human turd. Uncle Mike had a big grin on his face. Grandma nearly fainted. Aunt Rose burst into tears. Dad and some of the other adult males took Uncle Mike outside. Mom picked up a gift and tried to smooth everything over.

The next gift was for my brother. It was from Uncle Mike. I'll never forget my brother shaking his head emphatically no. "No no no! I'm not opening that! NO WAY! Uh-uh!" My mother tried to plead with him to open the gift. "Uh-Uh! NO WAY! I don't want a shit gift!" She said, "Santa won't bring you any presents tonight,"
but he just didn't care. He wasn't opening it for love or money (for the record, it turned out to be a Star Wars action figure or something like that).

The family survived that Xmas. Uncle Mike got his act together and eventually settled down. And it's not warm or fuzzy, or even very pleasant when you think about it. But I'll never forget Uncle Mike's gift wrapped turd.