Drunken Advice needed: I lost a crown and leadership of a small country [View All]

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

Okay, I got really drunk last night, got in a card game and lost my Crown.

I was king of a great little country, Ruthenasia, and had a pretty good balance of doing nothing but tanning and drinking rusty nails in return for putting on a funny uniform once every other month or so and dicking around with other world leaders.

Anyway, this sly bitch, Condi, got into the game and started pouring more Scotch than Drambuie. Next thing I knew we were in bed and she was a frigging rabbit! Well, we did our thing for God knows how long (I could have started a latex factory by the finish) and I nodded off.

Well, to make a long story short, I woke up and she was gone (thank God... Talk about a Coyote night). My Crown was gone and there were 3,000 marines on the beach in front of the cabana.

Anyway, if one of you see this skinny girl who looks like she could eat a cob of corn through a chain link fence, let me know.