Reply #25: yes, I have, and it's torn me apart twice... [View All]

[slinkerwink]

The first time, I fell in love with a straight woman named Amy. She was this blue-eyed woman with dark, wavy tresses. She used to cry on my shoulder about leaving her boyfriend, Stefano, back in Italy. I would literally have done anything for her. She used to walk with me by linking her arm through mine and used to say I was the most steadying presence in her life. She also used to flirt with me by baring her chest most of the time, and she'd ask me which bra to use. She knew I was bisexual and I knew she was flirting with me but I was never sure if it was a power play or actual flirting.

Either way, she made me go into a deep depression and I realized I really couldn't be around her because I was obsessing too much to the point of contemplating suicide. I withdrew my friendship and rarely talked to her. She's now in Italy for junior year. I haven't heard from her at all.

The second time, it was with my ex-girlfriend, Kristi. I loved her so much....I fell in love with her the first time I slept with her. I didn't expect to fall in love that fast. I can't tell you how being around her made me so happy. I felt so delirious, like I could walk on the very air she breathed. All she had to do was kiss the back of my neck and wrap her arms around me, and I was in heaven. The sex was absolutely magical with her. I have memories of drinking red wine with her in her living room, and then kissing on the couch, against the doorway to the kitchen, kissing her with her legs wrapped around me as she sat on the kitchen table, and then finally falling into bed with her.

She was a hard-core feminist, and didn't believe in the concept of love. She equated it to capitalism by saying it was like a hallmark card. She was very upset that I told her that I loved her, and detached herself very quickly. I was completely torn afterwards and inconsolable by my friends at Smith. It's taken me a very, very, very long time to get over Kristi, and I'm still not completely over her.