Reply #85: Speaking as the formerly bullied, I recommend two strategies. [View All]

[meldroc]

First, friends. Bullies are cowards, and they will pick on those weaker than they are. Specifically, they will almost always go after the lone kid. As far as advice, first thing I'd recommend is that I'd look into your son's social situation, and see if he has enough friends. If he has absolutely no friends, he will need some help to learn enough social skills to be able to make some friends. If the situation isn't that bad, I'd encourage him to hang out with his friends more, and make some friends. Bring them over so they can hang out together, enroll him in some fun activities - sports, games, whatever he has fun doing. Try to make sure he's with a group of friends instead of alone and vulnerable.

Second, confidence. Bullies are expert in reading body language, and they will home in on the kids that show signs of low self esteem - body language such as slouched posture, looking at the ground, slumped shoulders, no eye contact, no smile. Martial arts classes are an excellent idea, but not to teach the kid how to fight back, but to build confidence. I know this because I've taking a couple years of martial arts classes, but being fairly small, I know perfectly well I'd still get my ass kicked if I got in a fight with someone significantly bigger than me. But the confidence built did help me avoid some bullying. Teach him to stand straight, and look people in the eye.

I wouldn't call the principal, except as a last resort. School is like prison - you can't leave, and everybody hates snitches. If your kid's in physical danger, then do what you have to do, but if it isn't that far, I'd stick with building friends and confidence.

Friends and confidence. Friends and confidence. More friends helps build confidence, and more confidence encourages friendships. Friends and confidence makes the bullies look for another target.

Oh, and if your kid does get in a fight, I'd recommend a swift knee or foot to the groin to put the bully in his place. Don't ask me how I know this...