Reply #46: Sadly, perhaps the state of her marriage is what makes her... [View All]

[colinmom71]

have a poor attitude towards her co-workers. Really I don't see anything ironic about it. All of her energy is likely tapped out by dealing with a lying, manipulative spouse, so there isn't much left in her to come to work and be cheerful towards her co-workers...

But no one deserves to live in an emotionally abusive marriage, and do not doubt that adultery is emotionally abusive, especially if there are children in the marriage.

She probably knows something isn't right with her marriage and this probably makes her a defensive, aloof personality. Likely her husband is so busy squandering family time and resources chasing other women that she feels isolated and doesn't trust anyone around her. By not taking her aside and gently informing her of the office gossip (esp. if it's as credible as you belive it is), you're just reinforcing her isolation and defensiveness. She may resent your intrusion at first, but she needs to know what's going on in her marriage. These days, the consequences (STD's like HIV and HPV) can be deadly...

If I had info about a co-worker's marriage that I felt was solid and verifiable, no matter what my friendship level was with this person I'd have to do the right thing and let her know. Though beforehand, I'd also look up some resources and refer her to them so that she has some tools to help her deal with the mess headed her way. Resources like MarriageBuilders.com and DivorceBusting.com are good starting points for a betrayed spouse... Telling her is the right thing to do.