Reply #13: details, schmetails [View All]

[harmonicon]

ok.... fine...

As I frequently whine about on here, a month ago, my girlfriend of almost 4 years dumped me, because ...? Fuck if I know. Because I love her without end, would go anywhere, and do anything for her? Because I admire and adore her? Seriously, she said that I was being nice on the phone (she lives in California, I live in England... yeah, I know, but it had been long distance for a long time, and we'd worked through it).

I'm still absolutely crushed and broken hearted about it, but I realized that when I was talking to a mutual friend of ours who was here in town last week that I've transitioned to also being incredibly bitter about it. I know that I'm not perfect, and that I can be a shitty boyfriend, but I would also never cheat on a woman, would never say or do anything that I thought would hurt them, etc.

So, then, on top of this, there's this girl that I know here in town. I don't know her that well, so don't really know if she's someone I would ever like to actually date or not, but I do think that she's very sweet, smart, and incredibly pretty. Talking to her makes me feel better. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, she finds out - via photographic evidence - that her live-in boyfriend has cheated on her. She was obviously distraught, and I had nothing at all to say. I desperately wanted to comfort her, but I knew that if I tried to talk to her that I would just break down and start bawling about my own situation, and wouldn't help matters in the least. I don't really know her well enough to give her a hug and say "hey, I care about you, and I'm sorry that this happened." At the same time, I'll admit, I kind of thought "score! girl I like can understand what I'm going through. Also, now maybe it wouldn't seem creepy for me to want to spend more time with her and get to know her" (if you're unaware, a single broken hearted guy wanting to get to know a girl who's in a relationship is down right creepy).

Then, this week, it seems like they've reconciled, because I've seen them out together a lot, and she definitely refers to him as "my boyfriend" - ok, strange there too - she's still chatty with me, but seems to be making a point of bringing him up in conversation now, where as she didn't in the past. I have no fucking idea what this means. Does it mean that she wants to be friends, but knows that maybe I'm interested and wants to let me down easy? Does it mean that she was interested at some point when I wasn't ready to deal with things but has now gone back to him? Fuck if I know - this is the exact kind of shit that you talk about in your secret meetings.

Basically, now I'm incredibly bitter and jealous in about a million different ways. I'm jealous that this couple was able to work things out despite having far more fucked up problems in their relationship than I had in mine, and I'm especially jealous of this fucker who treats an incredible woman that any man would love to spend time with (ok, and she's out of my league) like shit in any way that he'd like and gets to be with her. What the fuck? It's not like I've done anything to deserve her affection, but I find it hard to accept that this cheating son of a bitch is more deserving of love and affection from anyone than myself.

Also, after I saw them today, it was definitely confirmed that "Liz" (I'll call her "Liz", because that's her real name) is still planning on going out for drinks with me an my friends tomorrow for my birthday. It's a total mind fuck. If her shit head boyfriend is there, I'll just fucking avoid them but feel all creeped out and nervous the whole time anyway, and if he's not, whether or not it's in my best interests, I just may get incredibly drunk and explain all of this to her.

There's your (shortened version, I assure you) explanation.