Reply #19: I've been to several and officiated at two... [View All]

[politicat]

More "Master of Ceremonies", but still. I got my officiant's credentials from the American Humanist Society a couple of years ago after my atheist community lost our long-time officiant.

When I officiated at my step-father's funeral, we did have some religious elements, like moments of silence and my sister read a poem that was very spiritual. D was not traditionally religious, but he was very spiritual (though we did not mention the UFOs.... his really big passion) and my mother and her friends are pretty spiritual. D was cremated and mom's supposed to go this summer sometime to scatter the ashes in both the Upper Peninsula where D was from and in the Pacific Ocean, which he loved. (That is, assuming she can find a new job. She got downsized, so if anyone knows of anything in the construction management industry in the Phoenix area, or in book keeping or similar, please let me know...) There won't be any ceremony for the scatterings, per Mom's request.

When we had a local atheist die, her memorial was very much atheist, not at all spiritual, and very much a celebration of her life. After the obligatory this was K and this was her life, her children put on a big party with all of her favorite foods and music, and played the tapes she'd made a few weeks before her death when she stopped everything but palliative treatment. She basically admonished us not to weep for her, that she was glad to not be sick and helpless anymore, and that we should remember her as she'd been when she was well.

Me? When I officiate, I take into account the wishes and will of the people with whom I'm working. This isn't my dog and pony show after all. Some people want a somber, traditional funeral; some don't. The key factor is that if you want your wishes upheld, you must put them in writing and give them to someone you trust. Don't put them in your will, because wills are rarely read immediately after death. We have a folder in the safe that says "In case of death or serious illness" that has all of our DNRs, Living Wills, funeral wishes, wills, Powers of Attorney, etc in it. My sister also has a copy. As it happens, our Living Wills and our DNRs are very precise, giving biometric thresholds for activation.

When I go, I want a party. A big one, with lots of booze and fattening foods, a playing of my favorite movies and TV shows, and dancing. If crying helps ease the process, let the tears flow - I hope someone has a big stack of handkerchiefs handy.

Pcat