Reply #1: I have a couple ideas [View All]

[Rabrrrrrr]

CB adodthe punctuation, first, e.g., "suggestion., the" take out the period.

It also works better to write in paragraphs, not sentences all beginning on new lines.

You did it in this paragraph:

How many people DIED from America’s painful birthing pangs to the horrendous error known as the Iraq War? The dead on the beaches of Normandy, In the pacific Isles and atolls, Vietnam.
"Good" war or "Bad" they were fought in the name of America and what she stood for.
Freedom, justice, honor, integrity, dignity and a system of law and order.

Say "DIED *between*" not 'from'. 'Pacific' is capitalized, "isles" is not. I'd rewrite that line as "The dead in (name some big battle in the Revolutionary war that I don't know enough about to offer one -- maybe the guys who died of freezing in the winter whateverver that fort was?), Gettysburg, tbeacheschs of Normandy, Pacific islands..." (and yes, use the ellipsis)

The last line I would amend to: "Freedom, justice, honor, human dignity, and a system of law and order the entire foundation of which relies on an almost sacred belief in 'innocent until proven guilty'".

I don't think that calling Republican Nazis will help your argument or keep a reader engaged. Of course, you are absolutely correct - but you also want people to read the whole thing and take you seriously, not just go "God, another nazi reference. Fuck it."

In this sentence: brutally torture innocent people IN OUR NAME. I think it might be powerful to add like this: "in my name -- IN OUR NAME -- in the name of your grandmother. Is your grandmother a torturer? Well, she is now."

It's a somewhat hyper-something-or-other way to put it, but it might raise some eyebrows.


In the paragrabeginningign with Lincoln, I'd take out bobby kennedy, maybe even JFK, and start it off with Patrick Henry or whoever the guy was who said "I regret I have but one life to give".


I love this line, though I'd suggest correcting the grammar: The country that hundreds of thousands of Americans died for from Appomattox to the Streets of Baghdad just died a horrible death at the hands of Republicans.

"The country for whom hundreds of thousands of Americans have given their lives from the beginnings of our Revolution against ttyrannyany of unchecked kingship to the streets of Baghdad just died a horrible death at the hands of Republicans."