I need help [View All]

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I need help. Honestly, I have no clue what to do. I feel so overwhelmed by all the shit that is conspiring to keep me down. This isn't a complaint post alright? This is a plea for help and advice and reassuring that I desperately need right now, even from complete strangers. Because I'm getting help from family and friends, but sometimes you need advice from other people with different experiences to put a different perspective on things.

Recently, I've been questioning almost every major decision I've ever made and I'm not normally one to question myself. Why did I decide to go to college and waste my time for nothing but $40,000 in student loans that I'll have to pay off? It seems like a worse and worse decision every day. It seems less and less like it's going to help me in life and more and more like it's going to kill me.

How will I get a job that will allow me to pay the rent, utilities, dental, medical and food bills while still affording me enough money to pay off the ridiculous loans that I owe to this government I despise? Why the fuck should I even pay them? I hate them and everything they do. They think they're helping people with these fucking loans? I don't fucking think so. They need to be god damn grants. For fuck's sake, I'm going to owe close to $1,000 a month just in loan payments. That's really helping me escape my impoverished life.

Before anyone says, "Welcome to the real world" or "That's life" let me just say one more thing. If that's life and the real world, then fuck that. I don't want any part of it. If a government can't even provide for the needs of its citizens, then fuck that. I don't want to be a part of it. The real world needs to shape the fuck up. Before anyone says "I used to be an idealist. Then I matured and found out it's easier to change yourself than it is to change everyone else" fuck you. If that's maturity, I wish it a quick but painful death. Too much emphasis on maturity is killing us. Let's have some fucking fun. Otherwise, what's the damn point?

Wake up everyday and eat breakfast (maybe) then go to work or school and eat lunch (maybe) then come home and eat dinner while watching T.V. and spending maybe two hours with people we like before we go to bed and sleep so we can be refreshed for the next morning when we have to do the same shit all over again? Sorry to say, that ain't life and that ain't living. If that's the life I have to look forward you might as well shoot me now cause I'm already halfway to dead.

But I need you help DU. I need you to help me avoid that. I need you to tell me how the hell I'm going to escape that life. Cause right now, I'm constantly stressed out, I'm having sleeping problems and I feel like this incredible burden has hefted onto my weak shoulders and I'm wilting. I'm being crushed. I just need some help pushing myself back up. Right now, I don't feel very optimistic.

Please. And thank you.

Kat