A race/gender question that I really hope doesn't turn into a war... [View All]

[otherlander]

Hi all,
So one thing I've been thinking about lately... It can be a compliment to tell a 20-something guy that he looks older, but not a 20-something woman. Similarly, it seems that with men, age has more connotations of experience / accomplishment, whereas women are more pressured to be / look young. It seems that we have to be either young and sexually attractive, or, if we can't look young, we have to be the mothers / nurturers, raising the next generation of men and hot young women. Otherwise, we turn invisible. I've seen it around here: If you're a depressed, upset 20-year-old woman, people go, "Oh, let's help the pretty girl." If you're a depressed, upset 50-year-old woman, people are much less inclined to be sympathetic.

This was all depressing the hell out of me, but then I thought to myself, Maybe this isn't an American-culture thing. Maybe this is just a white-American-culture thing. In other groups, which have been marginalized and not accepted into mainstream society as equals, and so have maintained their own distinct culture, things are different. Now, I'm not really qualified to talk about in what ways various cultures are different from the one that I grew up in and am still primarily a part of, so I'm asking any DU'ers who identify as part of a race, religious community, or subculture that isn't the dominant mythical-normative one (which is how I believe Audre Lorde put it): Do things look different from where you stand? Is there more value on taking care of elders? Is the problem of women turning invisible with age less / differently present? Does it matter whether said woman has children or not? What about men?

I hope I haven't overstepped any bounds in asking this; I am not saying it with animosity towards any groups; I realize that racism and restrictive gender roles are bad for everyone, not just women or particular racial groups. I look forward to the day when we can all just be people; in the meantime, I hope this thread will generate some informative / thought-provoking content.