I received a box of pork byproducts for Christmas!

[jmowreader]

This morning my boss passed out our...well, he called them Christmas presents.

My boss has a thoroughly twisted sense of humor.

LeftyMom, please open another thread now. You will thank me later.

I have the box with me now. In it are:

One package of souse. Contents: pork skins, water, pork tongues, pork snouts, vinegar, salt, flavorings, MSG and sodium nitrite.
One package of pork fatback. Contents: strips of lard, water, salt, sugar, sodium phosphates, sodium erythorbate, sodium nitrite.
One very small package of cooked-ham lunch meat.
One pound hot dogs.
One pound baloney.
One package of smoked sausage. Contents: pork, turkey hearts, beef, pork stomachs, pork snouts, pork hearts, water, nonfat dry milk, soy protein concentrate, flavorings, sodium phosphate, sugar, dextrose, sodium erythorbate, MSG, sodium nitrite. (This sausage is pretty good; I've eaten it before.)
One package of pudding. Contents: pork spleens, water, pork liver, pork trimmings, corn meal, pork skins, dehydrated onions, pork fat, salt, sage and spices.

I'm sitting here on this box of...well, I guess it's supposed to be meat...that's about half a step removed from haggis wondering what in fuck I'm supposed to do with it. This shit is guaranteed lethal to anyone born two inches north of the Mason-Dixon Line. I'm not even sure the dog will eat it; I know the cats will not.

It's not all bad, though; he DID give everyone $200 per year, or partial year, they'd been employed with the company as a Christmas bonus.

[supernova]

1. Do you work at a sausage factory?

Nice $$ bonus though. :thumbsup:

[jmowreader]

2. Far from it...

We are a graphic arts company that's quickly becoming a defense contractor.

[hippywife]

3. Defense contractor, eh?

That explains all the excess pork right there!

Congrats on the bonus, tho. No more Home Depot? (Obviously, I haven't kept up!) :hi:

[jmowreader]

7. Home Depot just on weekends now

[Gormy Cuss]

4. Box o' parts.

The pudding and souse are beyond what I could choke down unless I hadn't had a meal in a week and I'm not fond of hotdogs and other meats made from miscellaneous parts even on a good day.

[GreenPartyVoter]

11. The slaughterhouse seven??

:rofl:

[Gormy Cuss]

14. You have a twisted mind.

That's one of the reasons I like you.
:rofl:

[GreenPartyVoter]

18. LOL I wish I could take credit, but it came from an episode of

"Frasier". His dad was all psyched about visiting the Hickory Farms kiosk at the mall and picking up their Slaughterhouse Five gift pack. :P

[seemunkee]

5. All the best parts.

oink

[Viva_La_Revolution]

6. pork pudding.... ahhhhhh!

[Critters2]

8. You got a dead pig for Christmas?

I can think of nicer gifts.

[Fire Walk With Me]

19. It's a pig model. Some assembly required.

[Wcross]

9. Send it to me! I KNOW my dogs would eat it.

They like stuff like that.

[mwooldri]

10. Well I know people who would take most of this:

I don't know what souse is.
Fatback - my father in law uses it when he's cooking beans. Only for flavour though, he never eats the actual fatback.
Cooked ham lunch meat. Probably resembles spam. OK fried.
Hot dogs - our kids will eat em. Me too.
Baloney... I know a few people who would wolf it down.
Smoked sausage - it's probably OK.
Pudding? Never heard of it.

Yes, I live in NC. If that makes a difference.

Mark.

[LynzM]

12. I wouldn't know what to do with most of it, either.

Ok, the fatback, souse and pudding, at least. No idea... born and raised in CT shows through, sometimes.

[many a good man]

13. Baloney sandwich recipes

Baloney is best served on Italian or white bread.

The first recipe is fresh and cold and delicious. Spread gobs of mayonnaise on your favorite white bread and top with two or three slices of baloney and add fresh romaine or iceberg lettuce. Goes well with a glass of milk.

An alternative baloney dish is to fry the baloney in a frying pan. Drop a dollop of butter into a frying pan and cook the baloney on medium heat until it bubbles up. Flip it over until it bubbles up half through in the opposite direction. Serve hot on white bread with ketchup. Note: for a low fat variation cook baloney in a teflon pan without butter.

Bon appetit!

[unsavedtrash]

17. fried baloney on white bread with mustard.

loved it as a kid.
Never heard of using butter.

[prole_for_peace]

31. in you need to make a radial cut in it so it will kinda lie flat on the bread.

mmm..fried baloney. haven't had that in years. my mom would cook it when it was just about to go off. of course i didn't know this until years later. i think she was trying to kill me.

[Robeson]

15. Nasty....

...:puke:

[rurallib]

16. Is his BIL in the meat(?) packing business, by chance?

[jmowreader]

23. He doesn't even HAVE a BIL!

He married an only child. I don't know what HER dad does, but I kinda hope it doesn't have anything to do with pork byproducts.

His dad (who is our head installer) doesn't know the deal behind all this weird fucking meat(B%). And they are from Canton, Ohio, so I know he didn't grow up eating this stuff.

[Arkansas Granny]

20. Do you have a dog? If so, I think your problem is solved.

[BrotherBuzz]

21. Everything but the squeal

[LostinVA]

22. I don't normally post in the lounge anymore but

you do realize the ingredients in my dog's food are better than that, right?

[RadiationTherapy]

24. holy fucking -

BLLLLEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH!

christ.

[jmowreader]

25. Now for the really disgusting part of the story

My wife went to work later that day and described the box of pork byproducts to one of the African-American cashiers she works with.

"Oh, we LOVE that stuff. May I have it?"

So...someone's actually going to eat this shit. Will wonders never cease?

[RadiationTherapy]

29. I don't know the cashier

but I find that certain families and people have this "waste not; want not" attitude about anything you can pop in your mouth and extract a moderate amount of calories and salt from. 'Opportunivores'is what my ex-hippie friends called them.

[Mutley]

26. I'm not even a vegetarian and that makes me want to retch.

:puke:

[Arugula Latte]

27. EW!

I haven't eaten pork for about 25 years and this is confirming my decision once again... x(

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

28. You could feed the pig parts to your dogs and cats...

but if you do you should probably leave the house for a few days, and be sure the windows are open.

[Sanity Claws]

30. Are you sure it wasn't a Hanakuah gift?

Check the package and see whether it's certified Kosher.

[TreasonousBastard]

32. Good stuff there! All you're missing is Scrapple, but...

you've got most of the makings of it. 'Specially the shouts-- the main ingredient. MSG and sodium whatevers are a bit of a turnoff, though.

I believe one does not eat fatback unless from desperation-- it is an excellent flavor enhancer for many other things, though.

Pork hot dogs and baloney are not bad. Ham, of course, must come from pigs, and is generally considered a major food of the gods if REAL ham.

You've already eaten the sausages and liked them-- the problem with them and the rest of the stuff is only that now you know what's in it.

A little knowledge isd a dangerous thing, and very unsettling at times.

(Actually, I do prefer to pass on the snouts and skin myself)