shadowknows69
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Sun May-13-07 10:21 AM
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With apologies to Blake.
Razor, razor gleaming bright The edge I walk by day and night. Monster or man, who wins the fight? When beasts and angels wrestle.
Beast always lying in wait, hiding, creeping. To pounce while prey is sleeping. Can a heart of good be turned to ill? From compassion and life, could it even learn to kill?
The edge is always there, Precarious the walk Balance with care Strong winds can push you too far Humanity fragile. Sanity scarred.
Angels try to keep us straight and true. Don’t lose your step, far the fall may be. To lunatic purity or decadent ecstasy With the proper wings you can rise above. But the razor has cut and still draws blood.
And sometimes we need to bleed. To remind us we are human and that we need. S
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nadinbrzezinski
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Sun May-27-07 11:02 PM
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Edited on Sun May-27-07 11:04 PM by nadinbrzezinski
Now poetry is not my usual critique matter, so take this with a grain of salt
I felt your rythm was fine, in fact almost melodic.
I might remove From compasion and life
Raed it
Can a heart of good be turned to ill? ... could it even learn to kill?
But overall this poem is extrmely vivid with good meter
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shadowknows69
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Sun Jun-03-07 02:52 PM
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sybylla
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Fri Jun-01-07 03:53 PM
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I have to say poetry is my favorite medium to read and you've done well, shadow. The flow is smooth. The meter uncomplicated. The imagery evocative. The mood consistent with the subject.
However, I second nadin's suggestion for the end of the second stanza. I think it would be more powerful without the phrase "from compassion and life."
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DU
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Tue May 07th 2024, 05:38 AM
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