Help? advice? personal problem, Do Not Read if you're gonna argue

[stuntcat]

I've been on the pill for years, my husband and I rarely 'do it' but our anniversary was last week, so we did it. But I'd forgotten to take my pills for TWO days. Now I'm worried and I have to wait three more weeks before I can be sure nothing's wrong.

I've asked my gynecologist every year when I see her if she can recommend (prescribe or whatever) for me to get an operation so I just CAN'T ever get pregnant. I mean lately I'm hearing about ladies in their early 20's getting their tubes tied. But she always talks me out of it, saying stuff about "complications".. I don't know, I don't even remember her excuses but I give in every time and just take my prescription for a year of the pill, which I have to order from England since our insurance won't fucking cover them.
Anyway what I need to make clearer to the doctor is my brain damage. I suffered a TBI a few years ago that I've mostly recovered from but every day I still forget things, like sometimes to take the pill. If I GET PREGNANT just because I forgot the pill a couple of nights I WILL kill myself. That might sound dramatic but I will NOT give MY child the rest of this century no matter what.

I'm alone where I live. I can't drive. The only people I know around here are some 70-90 year old women I volunteer with, and they're all Republicans, I am not going to ask them for advice or references or whatever. Other than that I just have my husband's parents, they live 4 miles away, but I am wrecking their whole existence just by not having a baby so they're NOT gonna help me if I have an emergency.

I guess what I need here is reassurance..
Do y'all think forgetting two days of the pill could mean I'm pregnant?
Also, my husband and I "do it" 3, maybe 4, times a year. So even though ONE of those times just happened to be on the day after I forgot my pill, could I still be safe? Like maybe the odds are just good for me anyway?

Also, who do you look up in the phone book to get your tubes tied? I'll have to get a cab to the operation since my husband and his family aren't about to drive me to it but fuck them, I'd rather die than have a baby :mad: :mad:

I don't have anyone to talk with about this. I just have to let it out, and I need some reassurance or something.



EDIT: okay I just got a call back from my doctor's office, the nurse gave me the name and number of a doctor who does tubals!!! Now I just have to wait 3 more weeks to make sure nothing happened this time.

[LaurenG]

1. The morning after pill ...

If you aren't sure go to or call your doctor and ask about that treatment today.

[PeaceNikki]

25. She said it was last week. Too late for that.

That it most effective 24-48 hours after and not even recommended beyond 72.

[livetohike]

2. Is there a Planned Parenthood office near you?

I would start there. Or if you can find a phone number, call them with your questions. I'm sure they will be able to advise you. :hug: If your doctor is refusing to perform a tubal ligation....I would look for another doctor

[EmperorHasNoClothes]

3. I don't know if this will help,

but a vasectomy is a safer and less invasive procedure, if you can convince your husband to go through with it.

[Matariki]

4. Got my tubes tied when I was 21, nearly 30 years ago

If you don't plan on having children, it's the way to go. I couldn't be happier. Far less 'complications' than messing up your hormones with the pill. Find another doctor, imo. Another doctor can give you advice on where to get a tubal ligation.

[bkkyosemite]

5. I have two women in my family who have had their tubes tied.

They did fine. Just make sure you ask this doctor how many of these he has done to make sure he is reputable you might ask people around town if they have heard of this doctor. Best of luck.

[Warpy]

6. You already had the solution in your medicine cabinet

but the window has elapsed. Plan B contraception is an overdose of birth control pills and a Google search would have turned up the exact dosage had you been concerned enough to check.

Your chances are minimal for pregnancy, but they're there.

As for the tubal ligation, it's done by Ob-Gyns who specialize in surgery rather than catching babies. You can call the offices to find out which one in your area does the ligations and schedule an appointment.

The preferable solution would be for your husband to get a vasectomy. It's a simple procedure in a doctor's office that requires Novocain and an incision so small he'll have trouble finding it with a mirror. A tubal ligation is done under general anesthesia in an operating room and while it is now done laparoscopically ("belly button surgery"), it is still major surgery with attendant risks to your health and life. It is considered safe, but there are still risks that are far greater than those for a vasectomy.

[amdezurik]

7. first lay it out like that to your doctor

about the trauma still effecting you. if that still does not move them off the dime ask about the IUD's being offered these days, and the other options available to you. I can see how the doc may be worried about surgury, hell even so-called "simple" surgeries can cause complications. Not just from the cutting and such, but accidental mixing of anesthetics or other all to easy mistakes could kill you.

How about your husband getting snipped? Much simpler, no general anesthesia needed, and it can be reversible if wanted. Plus they will preserve samples of his semen if in the future you do want a baby. I say this as a guy myself, birth control is NOT a one-way street.

[Sukie]

8. The TBI wasn't caused by a stroke, was it?

Because if it was, you probably shouldn't be on the pill anyway. But usually, and I say usually, if you have been on the pill a very long time, it takes a few months of being off the pill to get pregnant. I would go see the doctor though. It isn't worth the worry.

[stuntcat]

24. no a head injury

I was in a coma for weeks and spent months in hospitals learning to read and walk and stuff.
Ever since the hospital I've been crazy about the environment and the mass-extinction of animals. Certain 'mature' members of my family make me feel silly for it but I don't care. Humans are not some fantastic god-like wonder that we need to keep making more of :mad:

If it takes being off the pill a while to get pregnant then I am okay. I feel a lot better today, I'll try not to worry.

[LeftyMom]

9. Until you can get your tubal, maybe you should get a Rx for the morning after pill?

Or switch to something you don't have to remember daily? I have nothing but good to say about the Nuvaring, which you only have to remember to put in once a month. Unfortunately I can't use it anymore due to a family history of blood clots. :(

Also, if you're totally 100% on no kids, maybe you should talk to your husband about having a vasectomy? It's much less invasive than a tubal ligation, and unfortunately doctors tend to give men less shit about their decision to be sterilized than they do women.

[DesertFlower]

10. my sister had her tubes tied. no problems.

i'm not a doctor, but just missing the pill for 2 days -- i don't think you're pregnant.

don't they have OTC pregnancy kits that let you know in the early stages?

[Tangerine LaBamba]

11. Honestly, I think you're all right

It would be rare if you got pregnant from the last encounter, even forgetting the pills for 2 days.

But, tubal ligation is serious surgery, and it's much easier and much less risky for your husband to have a vasectomy.

The idea that you're feeding hormones into your body all year for a handful of encounters is just nuts. You don't want to do that. But, tubal ligations very often affect cardiac function later in life, and that might be the reason your ob-gyn didn't want you to do it.

What about a diaphragm, if your sex life is that infrequent? Lots of spermicide.

Jeez, honey, you're in a real situation, and I wish I could just swing by and pick you up and somehow make it all better.

Whatever you do, you are NOT going to hurt yourself. You're not.

We'll figure this out.

Hang in there.....................

[stuntcat]

15. Thank you (and multi thank-you's ^^ )

I feel a lot better since I talked with the nurse while ago. She finally gave me the doctor's name to call about the operation. "Manhood" has been made very important to my husband his whole life, breedability is the best way to prove it.. well you'd have to know his family but trust me, my husband thinks of a vasectomy as a doctor cutting his weewee off :eyes:

I've been worrying more ever since this happened, Wednesday, and I doubled up my BC pills just in case it would make a difference.
I really do have emotional problems lol I mean I was about to hyperventilate until the nurse called me back! so thanks all y'all for the advice and for listening.

I just talked to the office of the doctor who'll do the operations! I haven't made an appointment yet, I need to figure out where it is and which buses to take to get to it. I'll have to do this part by myself, I might have to keep it a secret even from my husband.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

18. Isn't there anyone who can go with you?

It's invasive surgery, and, really, you shouldn't have to do this by yourself. It's too risky.

I know you work with old people, but - I'm old, but not that old, not yet - sometimes old people are the hippest folks around. Couldn't one of them go with you?

And, will you PM me when you know more? I'm concerned, honey. I really feel for you.

[stuntcat]

20. one person I know..

I've recently kinda gotten to know a neighbor of mine, she's about 23.. she has a car! I'm not sure if I'd tell her why I'm going to the doctor but I might be able to get a ride home from her.

The women I volunteer with don't like me so much.. age isn't the problem with them, I just can't imagine our friendships ever getting past the stuff we work together on.

I'm a loner, and the people I'm really close with are all far away. Since I'm in my husband's hometown I don't know anyone but his family and they're the last ones I could talk to about this.

My GYN's nurse sounded like she'd do what she could to help me. I kind of freaked out on the phone with her while ago. I feel a little calmer getting it all out though.. and making some decisions.

I will let you know when something's really settled! I hope it's like Hekate said down there -> like Russian roulette, maybe the odds are more against an emergency than for.

:hug:

[NMDemDist2]

12. why doesn't your SO get snipped instead? it's much less invasive

and just as effective

[juno jones]

13. Good luck with the tubal

I would reccommend it if it's within your means. I had one fifteen years ago and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. There is something to be said for vasectomies, but the tubal is gold if you wind up in another relationship (like I did).

[wtmusic]

14. "I'd rather die than have a baby"?

"I will NOT give MY child the rest of this century." ?

Don't panic. If you have to you can terminate.

And if you only do it 3-4x a year, wouldn't rhythm work?

[stuntcat]

17. for real

I know, it sounds crazy huh?

The nurses I've talked with on the phone today have made me feel better. I hope I just got too worried.

[wtmusic]

19. Good.

It's easy to panic over that stuff, we've all been there (us older ones, anyway). Things tend to work out better than we expect.

Good luck. :thumbsup:

[Hekate]

16. Oh, honey. You have to find another doctor very soon. This one doesn't listen to you.

You know your own mind, and you shouldn't be continually talked out of that tubal ligation. Just see an OB/GYN who does surgery -- someone other than your current doc.

The good news is that like all games of Russian roulette, you probably dodged the bullet. Take care, m'dear. :hug:

Hekate

[stuntcat]

21. Russian roulette

yes!! I hope.

I feel a little better than I did a few hours ago. The nurses I talked to really wanted to help me and stuff..

I'm sick of worrying about this, I'm going to figure out how to get the operation, even if I have to keep it secret!

:hug: thank you

[Hekate]

22. Any nurse worth her salt has seen it all; I'm glad you had some to talk you down

I do understand why you might have to keep this as private as possible, especially since you are pretty isolated.

If you need to say anything at all, keep it simple. You had "female troubles" -- that should shut up most people who might be nosy enough to inquire. When you say it, duck your head as if embarrassed to be discussing such a private matter. Use the term "down there" if you must.

I swear, I don't use these kinds of terms in my real life. But if you can't keep it a hundred percent private that you made a trip to a new Ob/Gyn or surgery center, then just act too embarrassed to discuss such a personal matter, never mention birth control -- and make the inquirer embarrassed for asking.

I actually used this technique once. When my father in law died we ended up with a whole bunch of religious people in our house in the days after the funeral. One old hen really wanted to know why I had two children from a previous marriage and none from this one. She had already indirectly ascertained that I wasn't from the same religion, and I was starting to get steamed. So when she started in on my existing kids and my lack of babies, I looked her in her wrinkly little eyes and said in a goopy sorrowful voice: "God did not bless us with children of our own." She looked like I'd slapped her one -- which is what I wanted to do. It was none of her damned business. End of story. (My hubby is infertile, and while I know some younger men who are up front about that condition, he's not. He always felt bad about it.)

Speaking of husbands, I also understand why yours might not want to get the Big V, but hold his fertility in reserve, even if forever. Since he doesn't want permanent contraception, and you do, it is up to you -- it's just one of those things. Men have a longer window of opportunity for starting families than women do, and as someone said upthread, you don't know where life may lead you in the future. You just don't. I've seen it both ways.

Hekate sends her love, young'un. :hug:

Hekate

[stuntcat]

23. The ones I spoke with yesterday..

The women I spoke with yesterday seemed pretty understanding. They let me kinda freak out on the phone and then answered my questions and stuff.
I'm just SICK of going through this kind of scare, and every time this happens it's just because of my memory.. I'm scatterbrained enough that I forget to take that tiny little pill and then I have to spend weeks scared to death :mad:

My mother-in-law is pretty liberal and even kinda smart.. it's just that she ADORES little babies. She can't concieve of any reason why I wouldn't want to make one. She's too into the family traditions, like she's never realized how fast our population has quadrupled and what it means for the future, none of that matters as much as holding an innocent naked cute baby :eyes: The 90-year life of a person is just never as important as those moments as a cute newborn. I don't mean to sound so bitchy, I just have bad feelings for people who'd expect someone else to have babies.

Thank you for your thoughts on this, I'm keeping the russian roulette idea in mind for the next few weeks. I'm gonna assume everything's okay for now. The nurses I talked with seemed like they were ready to help me out, whatever comes up.

Thank you Hekate :hug: :hug: I feel a lot better since yesterday morning.
stuntcat

[stuntcat]

26. update ok

I know I'm okay now. I'm glad for DU because I just don't know many people and the stuff y'all said was what I needed. I have ONE friend and he's a gay guy who lives on the opposite coast from me. He can't help with this stuff and I can't talk to my family about it.

I stayed in the hospitals for months with my brain injury and I wish they'd just neutered me then. But everyone else wants to make babies so bad :eyes: I guess they thought no matter how crazy I was I should have the right to make more and more babies.
Anyway my gyn's office finally told me where to go for the operation. I need to figure out how to do it without my husband and his family knowing what I've done but I can relax now and make plans and stuff.

I was SO scared when I figured out I'd missed some pills, so what y'all said really helped. My memory is messed up and sometimes I forget the simplest day-to-day things.. I do not want my life depending on that pill every day.

ok thanks again :hug:

[Book Lover]

27. Please wait a sec...

You're going to have major surgery and you think your husband won't know about it? How's that gonna work?

Get off the Pill, get the copper IUD.