Developmental Psychologist Says Teenagers Are Different.

[elleng]

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/01/science/01conv.html?hpw

[PRETZEL]

1. Interesting article especially in light of the incidents that happened this weekend

at our house.

My wife and I were babysitting for some friends Saturday nite. He called around 10 to see what time we would be home as he wanted to stay at our house.

Got in and he arrived shortly thereafter. Was nice to the point of being scary. We also knew that he had been spending time with friends but our rule is no one else sleeps over unless we know their parents are ok with it. Since no one else had informed us, it was just him.

We went to bed around 12 and no sooner than we had the light off, we noticed the phone being used. Typically that wouldn't have bothered us but for some reason, my wife was suspicious. She listened in to hear that those kids he was with were waiting outside and that he'd be out shortly WITH THE KEYS TO MY CAR.

He's 16 and still doesn't have his learner's permit.

Fortunately, that nite we caught him. The ensuing argument was pretty bad. So bad it carried over into Sunday where things exploded.

I simply had had enough of his attitude toward us. He came looking for trouble and got it. I took a pummeling from him because I knew the first punch I threw in defense would have landed me in jail. He was charged with assault.

That's the easy part.

Here's the hard part. Holding him accountable is going to cost me my marriage. Leaving the situation unresolved just lets him continue the abusive behavior toward us. Kid's never been held accountable in his entire life until now. Now, I either hold him into account for what he did and get divorced or not press charges and let him know he's won.

[elleng]

2. DEAR Pretzel, SO SORRY to hear about this.

Maybe article can get you some 'cover?' Will think about this. I've been in a somewhat similar situation, tho not with teenager.

:hug:

[PRETZEL]

3. Thanks,

I don't know exactly why but this really shouldn't be this difficult a decision.

It's an abusive relationship in all aspects (as far as I'm concerned)

Her son is a spoiled, self centered, angry young man. Counseling so far hasn't helped.

Her daughter is a spoiled, self centered diva. Counseling did her no good.

My wife is a selfish, self centered control freak.

Honestly, I can't blame anyone but myself for this. I knew what they were but chose based on how I felt about her and the blind belief that this wasn't the case to continue with our relationship and ultimately marrying her.

I love her dearly. I do my best to accept her kids the way they are. Maybe I really am the fool?

(side note)
the above descriptions are not my own. Her father, step mother, mother all agree with me. I'm not making this up either.

[tigereye]

4. fascinating, isn't it?

I have an acquaintance who's a neuropsychological researcher and I remember when she was joking that her kids excuse their behavior at times by saying "we're not fully myelinated!" :D


Brain building is an amazing thing.