MOQ (Most Obnoxious Questions)

[Karenina]

I know I'm not the only one who has been subjected to interrogations that NEVER would have occurred were my skin of a lighter hue. Racism can make one crazy, however laughing together at the insanity of our collective experience CAN sometimes soothe the sting. I'll go first:

Top 3

1. "You CAN read music, can't you?"

A colleague who played double reed choir arrangements of Miles, Pharoah and Wayne-O I'd sketched, upon asking me if I wanted to do a Bach Xmas Oratorio gig, EH2.

2. "You sing too, of course(?)"

Well, this is technically a statement, not a question, most often delivered with certainty to my face when I have horn in hand, reed in mouth. No, I've never gotten used to it.

3. "But, can YOU skate?"

Presenting at the counter in my "trophy jacket," you know, the one with all the pins and patches from rinks around the globe, Olympic events, flashing "Shalom" button, exposing "serious" equipment while digging through my skating bag for USFSA ID, it went like this:

HWIC: This is NOT a public session.

Yes, I know that. (digging in bag)

HWIC: You MUST be a member. THIS is an Ice Dancing session.

Yes, I know that. I am. How much? (still digging in bag)

HWIC: But, can YOU skate?

I found my card, flashed it, grabbed my bag and went directly to the bleachers, donned my blades, then hit the ice. HWIC decided to "comp" me.

[undergroundrailroad]

1. Btw, aren't you a "member" of Destiny's Child, Child?

People ask me that ALL the time! La, la, la, la, la, la, la ;-)

Undergroundrailroad DIVA

[msgadget]

5. They just think you're fine, Underground!

Go Diva!

[SemperEadem]

38. Funny thing...

My 21 yr old daughter looks exactly like Kelly Rowland of Destiny's Child (but prettier, to me, of course).. everywhere she goes, people ask her "do you know you look like Kelly from Destiny's Child?" It pisses her off to no end...

but everytime I see Kelly on TV, I think of my baby... who's away at college (junior) earning her undergrad in Political Science...

[undergroundrailroad]

41. Political Science! Good luck to your daughter SemperEadem!

Undergroundrailroad :hi:

[qanda]

2. You eat chit-ter-lings, don't you?

Says Steve, the father of the family that we so graciously brought to our dinner table one Sunday after church.

What could I say? I hate chitlins.

[jmm]

3. Do you wash your hair?

me: yes, do you?
her: Of course I DO.
me: then why would you ask me?
her: because your hair is different.
me: yours is different from mine but I'm suppose to know how to care for both of our hair types :shrug: ?

[Karenina]

13. Errrraaaa...

THAT'S NOT your REAL hair, is it?

[FrenchieCat]

4. What are you?

asked that about 15 times a day.

[jmm]

14. I don't mind that as much as some of the follow ups.

Your father can't be black, you have to be (insert just about anything)! Are you sure your mother knows who your father is :grr:?

[Karenina]

15. OUCH!

How did you react? That is sooo OVER THE LINE. :hug:

[jmm]

16. That happened in junior high

I said something to the effect of she looked inbreed and her gene pool could use a bit more diversity.

[Karenina]

32. White people's "privilege"

informs their assumption that they have the RIGHT to question the "legitamacy" of "the other." Perhaps the issue of miscegenation would best be served in another thread. My intention here is to get as MANY ABSURDITIES as possible ON THE RECORD, that perhaps our more sensitive, lurking, lighter-hued DUers might get a CLUE about what we face on a DAILY BASIS.

I have now been twice introduced as "my cousin" to way-back-in-da-woods folks by the blonde, blue-eyed daughter of my father's brother. The first time she was asked, "How can that be?" She responded in her typical fire-breathing dragon tone, "DO I NEED TO PUT DOWN *MY* FICKEN BEER TO GIVE *YOU* A LESSON IN GENETICS?"

Most recently I joined her tour-group on my turf. In the villages there are groups formed of everyone who turns 50. Nothing more in common other than all were born in the same year. They do "field trips and activities" together. She'd told her group that her COUSIN lived in the "big city" and would join them all at the Brauhaus if no one minded (since I'm a year younger). We took our places at the table and the guy across from me simply accepted I was the year-younger cousin without question. The others ASSumed I was 20 years their junior and asked her what happened to her cousin.

"Karenina IS the cousin I told you about (Tone: you dipshit)!

THEN I had to show my (expired in 2000) CA Drivers License. We were BOTH so VERY polite, double-teaming on the fun... We talked once she got back home... well it was more spitting and sputtering and trying to catch our breath as the tears of laughter rolled down our cheeks.

[kwassa]

35. Having been a totally clueless white boy

and been married to a black woman for a number of years now ... and am now only partially clueless,

I make no apologies for the ignorance of the white folk, but one of the side effects of segregation is that we aren't exposed to anything but white, and genuinely don't know better. This does not justify rude behavior, but it truly is puzzling to us if we haven't seen it before. Before recent times, all those of mixed race ended up in the black community, not the white community, due to the one drop fixation of this white supremacist country. The result is that we whites are confused, and perhaps a bit startled by black people that don't look exactly black, that suggest something has been going on between blacks and whites that nobody told us about. It isn't in our history books.

Fortunately, America has been getting more of an education, assuming you are talking to educated white people, by the whole Sally Hemmings/Thomas Jefferson controversy of a few years ago, and much public discussion of miscegenation.

Also, as you know already, whites who have no exposure to blacks get their ideas about them from the media. We all know what the result of that can be. Sheer stupidity.

[Karenina]

36. Upon arriving at Ulrike's, I complained

about the dimwit who had grabbed my hair on the train ride there. She informed me, "You musn't be offended, of course people are curious. WE just have normal hair."

[msgadget]

21. NO WAY!

That's awful. (this is fun!) We were in the healthfood store once when the kiddies were stroller small and the bespectacled clerk asked if all had the same father...with my husband standing right next to me!! She said, "oh, they just don't all look...", not being brave enough to finish, "they're not all exactly the same shade!"

I was pissed for a couple minutes til I realized she probably hadn't learned genetics in high school, wherever the hell that was.

[SemperEadem]

23. Same here

them: what nationality are you?
me: American
them: I know, but what country are your people from?
me: America
them: What country of origin, I mean?
me: America--what? are you paying for something of mine?
then: huh?
me: Listen, I'm just as, if not more, American as you are. My race does not diminish my prestige.

My translation: DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHERE I'M FROM! I'm from here.

[msgadget]

6. You've been there too?

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who mentioned a travel destination and was stunned you'd been there too? One woman even asked, "Oh, you've been on a plane?" Like, double DUH! :eyes:

[fortyfeetunder]

11. Yup, been there.

And how about speaking more than one language, and it isn't Swahili?

[Logansquare]

39. A black coworker told me that during a job interview

the (white) interviewer was making small talk with her, and she mentioned that she and her mother had just gotten back from a trip to Europe. He said "Oh, is your brother in the service over there?" She was momentarily confused by the question, and said "No, we were just looking at museums and other touristy things..." until it dawned on her that he had no concept that black people actually go on vacation to *Europe*!

[fortyfeetunder]

40. Oh speaking about Europe

I was in Rothenberg and some Asian blokes were asking me where they could find the fried chicken, and laughing at me. Then I asked them where could I find the fried rice, then I walked away...

[SemiCharmedQuark]

7. "Are you here legally?"

"Is your family here legally"
"You're not on welfare are you?"
"When did your family get here?"
"What jobs do they have?"

"Is this YOUR car?"

[fortyfeetunder]

8. It's tough to be a professional these days

"This is the first class line"....well I did have a first class ticket! (and the person who challenged me was a black female...)

"You are attending this event?"

"You practice as a professional?" Well duh...

"You really are a graduate student in engineering?"

All this hassle makes me want to excel and go further to prove all these bastards wrong time and time again.

[msgadget]

9. Business cards really throw people off base.

A black woman challenged you in the first class line? Damn! ROLF!

[fortyfeetunder]

10. Yup, true enough

The irony of it all -- the event happened on MLK's holiday at DC National Airport.

[Karenina]

12. Mostly make me wanna

SLAP THE BLACK OFF THEM! :evilgrin:

[msgadget]

17. With Black History Month approaching my kids are hearing some goodies

My son has been asked:

Why isn't there a White History Month?

Why isn't there a White Entertainment Network?

What did Martin Luther King do that was so great?

And, online he's ALWAYS told: You don't type like a black person.

Lawd ha' mercy, y'all. :)

[SemiCharmedQuark]

19. Yes!!!

I hate that crap! I remember when "White Chicks" came out, people on IMDB were screaming "reverse racism". Many times people like to pull the old "why isn't there a white....." or "if a white person did that they'd be in trouble..."

[msgadget]

20. And, the truth is,

I didn't want to even see White Chicks, it just didn't appeal to me in the least.

Oh please, an acquaintance of ours is a school principal and awarded ski trips to top students only to get an earful from angry parents about reverse racism because 2 of the 4 slots were filled by black students. Forget GPA, they just couldn't buy that as an explanation.

And, now that I'm warmed up, I can't tell you how often that 'you're racist' thing has come up and shocked the hell outa me. A kid visiting last week said our dog was racist because it only barked when he passed him. "Uh...son, you don't LIVE here, " is what I told him but, honestly, ever since the end of black power, black pride and red, black and green flag patches on our army jackets, a lot of people seem to either disparage the whole concept of racism or to be getting us back for those strident times.

[SemiCharmedQuark]

27. Maybe I'm cynical, but I think it's the latter.

I think many people don't ever want it to come to that point again. I don't think they are willing to let black rights come to a head again.

[msgadget]

29. No, sometimes I think I'm too cynical

but when ya see the same attitudes and hear the same things enough, it's hard to deny the possibility.

[SemperEadem]

25. The best rebuttal article for those exact questions

From Tim Wise's excellent site:

http://www.zmag.org/sustainers/content/2004-04/20wise.cfm

Thus, every February I encounter people who are apoplectic at the thought of Black History Month, and who insist with no sense of irony or misgiving that there should be no such thing, since, after all, there is no White History Month--a position to which they can only adhere because they have taken for granted that "American history" as told to them previously was comprehensive and accurate, as opposed to being largely the particular history of the dominant group.

In other words, the normalcy of the white narrative, which has rendered every month since they popped out of their momma's wombs White History Month, escapes them, and makes the efforts of multiculturalists seem to be the unique break with an otherwise neutral color-blindness.

Sorta' like those who e-mail me on a semi-regular basis to insist, as if they have just stumbled upon a truth of unparalleled profundity, that there should be an Ivory Magazine to balance out Ebony, or that we need a White Entertainment Television network to balance out BET, or a NAAWP to balance out the NAACP.

Again, these dear souls ignore what is obvious to virtually all persons of color but which remains unseen by those whose reality gets to be viewed as the norm: namely, that there are already two Ivory Magazines--Vogue and Cosmopolitan; that there are several WETs, which just so happen to go by the names of CBS, NBC and ABC; and that the Fortune 500, U.S. Congress and Fraternal Orders of Police are all doing a pretty good job holding it down for us white folks on the organizational front. Just because the norm is not racially-named, doesn't mean it isn't racialized.

[Karenina]

26. Tim Wise

GETS IT. :bounce:

If you're unfamiliar with his writings, you need to change that. :bounce:

[msgadget]

28. Powerful and timely,

thank you SemperE. I'll be reading my way through his site for days to come, nodding frequently in complete agreement. I particularly liked Collateral Damage: Poor Whites and the Unintentional Consequences of Racial Privilege because of some of the conversation around DU of late.

[SemperEadem]

30. Thank Karenina

she hipped me to his message last week in the "How do you cope" thread. If it wasn't for her... :yourock:

[Karenina]

33. I read one of Tim's essays

about the inherent cultural bias in standardized tests and e-mailed him about my experience back in '67.

We were all on our way to catch the bus and I asked if anyone remembered the word "regatta" in the Englisch section. My light-bright-almost-but-not-quite nemesis, who always addressed me as "cunch" (for country) piped up that she'd chosen "dance." Having grown up on the bay, south of the Mason-Dixon line, I explained what it was. She was OUTRAGED saying, "We're from HOLLIS, NOT the Hamptons! HOW THE HELL are WE supposed to know that?"

Tim responded that he had used EXACTLY that example and was contacted by many an OUTRAGED WHITE TEEN, who felt it SHOULD be "common knowledge."

[GOPFighter]

34. Tim Wise has a new book out

"White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son"

Actually, I don't know how new it is, but he replied to my email and said if I liked his column I might like his new book. Has anybody read it yet?

[GOPFighter]

31. Wow!

What a wonderful rebuttal. I emailed Mr. Wise and asked permission to print his column out to give to those obnoxious jerks who insist they are suffering from reverse discrimination. I'm also going to send the link to my daughter who teaches school. She hears this stuff a lot around Black History Month.

Thanks for the link, SemperE!

[Brewman_Jax]

18. Are you from this country (USA)?

Just because I play soccer. :eyes: Maybe I should have taken up golf.

and "What are you?" irks me, too. :mad: Black people have asked me this, also. I'm working on a good comeback. :think:

[msgadget]

22. ROFL! Or, maybe tennis!

What was it like for Tiger and his dad on the golf courses?

Soccer's cool, it's international!

[American liberal]

24. Asked by a former coworker...

"Can you tell me how come black basketball players can jump so high?"

He was serious! When I explained how rude and ridiculous such a question was, he admitted he was really just a hick.

Or if you mention a smaller town or city you've lived in, you are asked if you know so-and-so, likely the smaller town or city's only other black resident.

"What's your nationality?"
American, I reply.

Or when I choose to talk about my heritage and mention that my birth mother is from Germany and my birth father is black, I am often asked if they met when he was in the military. (No, they met during the hey day of Haight Asbury in San Francisco. They were beatniks.)

[fortyfeetunder]

37. Sunday's question...assume all of us take MLK Day off..

Where I work, we don't get MLK day off, but can elect it as a vacation day (Long story).


"Are you taking tomorrow (MLK Day) off?" Silence.
"I mean, since your kid is off from school that day"

[Karenina]

42. Shouldn't YOU be helping YOUR RACE

to "advance?"

Question inspired by the current Essie Mae Williams and Halle Berry controversies in other forums... :eyes:

[SemiCharmedQuark]

43. Yes, that's a good point.

Rich minorities are expected to turn over every cent to "advance their race". Their not allowed to be wrong. They have to be perfect because otherwise they might "hurt the cause" But what about rich whites? They are given a complete pass because "that's not their way".

[SemperEadem]

44. No one seems to bat an eye at Kate Winslett's movie choices

since the blockbuster "Titanic"... she chooses to do quirky films that do respectably at the box office, but they aren't blockbusters by any stretch of the imagination AND she hasn't won an Academy Award. She can choose artsy films that go straight to DVD and that's fine with her.

The difference with her is that if she chose to go the big box office blockbuster route of "Hollywood filmmaking", there are still more roles available to her on any given day than there are for Berry.

The studios have the machine behind them to turn over scripts--pay for their development, pay for the marketing, pay for the talent. Yeah, Berry should be developing scripts, but she's not going to be able to do it on the scale of a studio---and that is where the cruxt of her argument lies.

[Karenina]

45. THANK YOU.

HALLO! :hi:

[msgadget]

46. EXCELLENT point!

They're just two women making it in their worlds the best way they know how.

[Karenina]

47. I wonder

how many can understand what it is to feel that the responsibility for your entire "race" is on your back. Remember Debi Thomas? By now she must be an orthopedic surgeon while Katarina Witt is... whatever. I will say more about that if any interest is expressed.

[fortyfeetunder]

48. Oh I had one of those moments myself

A few years back the company had this recruitment for a program to work specifically with Black students in an urban area. This was a company sponsorship, this was on-hours volunteering and training.

The first few years my managers asked me to apply. But I never got as far as an interview. Then one year, I did make it as far as an interview.

The interviewer took issue that I was currently volunteering in a program where I was a pen pal with a science class in another state. Her issue was I should have instead been volunteering in the local neighborhood. (which is a good hour's away from my home) Every year, regardless of the programs I had done with students from all walks of life, wasn't good enough for working with this group.

After a few years of futility in these interviews, I asked the management to permanently take my name off of consideration for this program. I figured I will never measure up to the Black folks in the company so I was not going to waste my time further.

[Karenina]

49. Kick!

:evilgrin: