Humor does help

[UrbScotty]

Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the first day, Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before.

This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to
understand what made all the difference. Finally, Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books.

With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Tommy looks at her and shakes his head.

"Well then" , she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?".

Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day
of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.

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A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day... when she was
handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $10 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent.

She couldn't get him off her mind and, thinking that he might be in
financial difficulties, she took the $10 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia," and threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street.

The next day she was in her cell saying her beads when she was told that some man was at her door who insisted on seeing her.

She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills. When she asked what They were for he replied, "That's the sixty bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 5-1."

http://www.ucf.net/Jcathlic.html

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Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

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Catholic Dictionary

AMEN:
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN:
1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
2. Catholic air conditioning.
3. Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR:
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the
congregation to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER:
A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN:
A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves
higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN:
The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly,
since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE:
Holy Smoke!

JESUITS:
An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges
with good basketball teams.

JONAH:
The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE:
When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELIEISON:
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides
gyros and baklava.

MAGI:
The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER:
1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered
by an HMO.
2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always
been rough.

PEW:
A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.

PROCESSION:
The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of
altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL:
The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led
by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS:
People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know
when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS:
The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS:
The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity
of a pew.

http://www.yuksrus.com/catholic.html (be careful, they have some not-so-clean jokes on the site)
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[Midlodemocrat]

1. That Tommy joke is one of my all time favorites.

That and Peter, Peter, I can see your house from here.