PTs Revenge of the Introvert article

[DaveJ]

Last month Psychology Today posted a refreshing article, which I liked since people have claimed I'm introverted. (Of course they claim a lot of things about me)

Anyway, I like the fact that we are being addressed in a way that acknowledges us as normal people, for a change. I just had a few issues with one of their conclusions that I'd like to address.

The list below suggests that introverts are not interested in interacting with people socially. This, IMO, is patently untrue. Personally, I just like interaction to be meaningful. Even at a party I think it is possible to have fun, as long as the people are not anti-Introvert. There have been many moments when I would act thoughtful in response to someone, and they just walked away.

The list below also suggests that we are assholes when it comes to having family and friends stay over. I'd love to have people over. They never seem to want to though.

Anyway, I think the article was at least a nice attempt to welcome us into society. I'm not counting on this being a continuing trend, but in my mind it feels good.

I can think of one or two moments in my life when someone's deep thought bored me, but I mean it, just one or two times. Otherwise, I love it when people say thoughtful things. It's my favorite form of conversation.

There are other parts of the article that suggest we prefer not being around others. Hopefully this article will not cause people to believe it. If this is true for others, my apologies, but it should not be considered a universal fact.

What Not to Say to an Introvert

"'Why don't you like parties? Don't you like people?' is a common remark introverts hear," says Marti Laney, a psychologist and the author of The Introvert Advantage. "Usually we like people fine," she insists. "We just like them in small doses." Cocktail parties can be deadly. "We're social but it's a different type of socializing."

"Surprise, we've decided to bring the family and stay with you for the weekend." Anyone anywhere on the -vert spectrum could find such a declaration objectionable, but it's more likely to bring an introvert to a boil, according to Nancy Ancowitz. Introverts count on their downtime to rejuvenate their resources; an extended presence in their homes robs them of that respite.

Don't demand immediate feedback from an introvert. "Extraverts think we have answers but just aren't giving them," Laney says. "They don't understand we need time to formulate them" and often won't talk until a thought is suitably polished.

Don't ask introverts why they're not contributing in meetings. If you're holding a brainstorming session, let the introvert prepare, or encourage him to follow up with his contributions afterward.

Don't interrupt if an introvert does get to talking. Listen closely. "Being overlooked is a really big issue for introverts," Laney says. Introverts are unlikely to repeat themselves; they will not risk making the same mistake twice.

Above all, "we hate people telling us how we can be more extraverted, as if that's the desired state," says Beth Buelow, a life and leadership coach for introverts. Many introverts are happy with the way they are. And if you're not, that's your problem.—Matthew Hutson

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201008/revenge-the-introvert

[Odin2005]

1. THANK YOU! great article!

[hedgehog]

2. I have a passel of kids. A couple are extroverts, a couple are introverts.

They're all very bright. In high school, they collected a bunch of friends, extroverts and introverts; again, all very bright. For many years now, they've had a New year's Eve Party/sleepover. It was interesting to watch the dynamics. People would split into a number of small groups, some playing video games, others cheering them on, others talking in small groups. From time to time a kid would go off by himself or herself, maybe grab a book off the shelf to page through, and take a break from all the other people. No one made a fuss. The extroverts had learned to give the introverts their space.

[supernova]

3. Thank you for this!

As someone who always tests at the extreme end of introversion, it's always good to see even a modicum of positivity about us Innies. :-)

I have to disagree thought that we aren't looking for happiness, as the author claims. She's right in that we are looking for meaning rather than a facile kind of pleasure I suppose. But Happiness for me, comes when I do find some meaning or some essential truth that I hadn't known before.

[DaveJ]

5. Given that fact I wonder how Intro's and Extra's can get along?

The article seems to portray us as 'psychic opposites' but it would probably be beneficial to study how we can get along and be productive together and have fun together.

I try my best to be open minded, and see the positive in people, even those who lack skills and instead get ahead by schmoozing. I know that schmoozing has historically been a productive business and reproductive tactic, so I do not have a lower degree of respect for those types. I just wish we could find common activities that we both find fun.

[Lucy Goosey]

4. Interesting...

I agree with you - great article in many ways, but like you I disagree with some of it. I'm with you, I like meaningful conversations - I find small talk tedious, and always hope it will lead to more meaningful interaction. I feel sometimes like extroverts like the talking for the sake of talking, and I like talking for the sake of learning, provoking thought, that sort of thing.

This made sense to me:

Often confused with shyness, introversion does not imply social reticence or discomfort. Rather than being averse to social engagement, introverts become overwhelmed by too much of it, which explains why the introvert is ready to leave a party after an hour and the extravert gains steam as the night goes on.

Something I say a lot that genuinely seems to confuse people is, "I'm not shy, I'm introverted." I really see those as two different things. I'm 100% introverted, but my job regularly has me delivering presentations to up to 10 people at a time and occasionally has me delivering them to up to 100 people. I couldn't handle that if I were as shy as I am introverted. Honestly, to me, giving a speech to 100 strangers is much, much easier than dealing with a cocktail party full of shallow acquaintances.

This really resonated with me, too:

Conversation between an introvert and an extravert can involve a series of misunderstandings. As the introvert struggles to follow multiple conversational threads and sort out his own thoughts, he remains quiet and appears to be just listening. The extravert reads that as engagement, a cue to keep talking. The introvert struggles with the continuing flow of input and soon starts to shut out the extravert, while nodding or smiling, or even trying to stop the exchange.

[DaveJ]

6. Maybe someday I'll be trusted to give presentations

That's a great skill to have. One person I know, after giving a sales presentation, was showered with all kinds of compliments from one of the potential clients, including "you're extroverted," as though that was a necessary trait in a presenter. I guess it doesn't matter now, since it turns out they didn't buy the product. Now in the information age, I think, people do not need a schmoozing salesman, since people are able to collect all the necessary data on a decision themselves.

I liked the part of the article that mentions we "process more information than others in any given situation." It makes conversation difficult sometimes, though, because people do not understand I'm responding to what I think is most important, which might be a minuscule detail that they never considered, especially with someone who wants to be in control